When to seek a new psychologist?

[Rubybleu]

This is the first psychologist I’ve seen in a number of years and this time round I’m seeing one for unresolved trauma from childhood sexual abuse and a fair few issues I have from that time and also to deal with a current legal case against my abuser.
ive had 5 sessions now and I just feel like I’m not getting anywhere. I feel like I’m there just talking to a friend and that I’m not getting any real direction on how to improve or solve my issues.
I can’t put there blame on her because maybe it’s just me? Maybe I’m not giving enough or I’m expecting too much after only 5 sessions?
What is everyone’s experience with this? Any advice?

[blondguy]

Hi Rubybleu

Good on you for being so proactive with your health...and having the courage to write this thread topic too! I understand what you are going through after having counselling for long term parental abuse

Having unresolved trauma issues are difficult to cope with Rubybleu. Can I ask what symptoms/feelings you are experiencing?...only if that okay! Im not sure what symptoms you are experiencing. For myself it was anxiety attacks...poor sleep quality....

Just from my own experience...I started to heal when I started to cry in front of my psych...

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Elizabeth CP]

Earlier this year I felt I wasn't progressing with my psych but was concerned that stopping & looking for someone else may not help. Before going back I wrote out what my issues were (most of which I had already told him) then I wrote how it was impacting my life. This was important as it gave me time to think & then list all the different issues rather than just those I think of in a session. Then I wrote down what I needed to achieve through the sessions or what changes I felt I needed in my life. This was hard to write but really helped because he could clarify anything he needed & most important then focused on what was important to me

[smallwolf]

These are only my thoughts based on my experience. Others might have a different experience to me.

I have been seeing the same psychologist for 3 years now. I recall in the first 6 sessions or so, my psychologist was working out what was wrong with me. It was at a very difficult time in my life, and baggage I carried since my teens if not earlier. I have come long way since that time. Most times when I have a session with my psychologist I get homework to do. There are things now that are triggering for me where I go into that scared little boy.

It is difficult to work out how long things might take. Everybody is unique in whatever their issues. I saw a video on YouTube about some exercise. The guy showing how to do the exercise said that some people might pick it up after a day, some a week, month or year. If it takes longer , thats ok. I also use the analogy that mental health is not like cooking 2 minute noodles. It takes time.

With that said, there would be no harm in having a chat with your psychologist about the process and get their input or feedback. Perhaps after that you would be in a better position to make that call.

As an aside, it does sound as though you and your psychologist have a good relationship, which can be half the battle.

[Rubybleu]

Thanks Paul 🙂 It’s great to hear that you are healing. Crying is unfortunately quite difficult for me to do.

So issues that I currently have from trauma -

Nightmares and frequent night wakings

Social anxiety but also generalised anxiety

Depression

Sexual dysfunction and orientation issues

Low self esteem

I’m sure there’s other things that I can’t think of right now.

[Rubybleu]

Thank you Elizabeth 🙂

That is a great idea. I will write down all my goals for my sessions and take that with me next time

[Rubybleu]

Thank you small wolf 🙂 I’m sorry you had to go through something horrible as a little boy 😞

That’s some great advice. Maybe she is still figuring me out and I think I do need to be more direct with her. Homework sounds like a strengthening experience.

[blondguy]

Hi Rubybleu

thanks for your response Ruby...not that we expect a reply! Your symptoms are the same as what I used to have and yes these are horrible to experience

Nightmares and frequent night wakings
Social anxiety and generalised anxiety, depression
Sexual dysfunction and orientation issues and Low self esteem

I also couldnt cry for 13 years with the same symptoms...It does take time Ruby...I understand.

• Back in the early 1980's Beyond Blue didnt exist until 2000. If it helps even a little....I had no idea that the frequency of our counselling with our psych or GP made all the difference with our recovery

any questions are always welcome Ruby...Your input is just as valued as mine or anyone else's on the forums

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Ms_Mac]

Please don't blame yourself. Something should be changing within a couple of sessions if she is the right person working in the right way for you, and you have a right to let her know this is not giving you what you want. Or if you want, you are allowed to just find another psychologist by ringing and talking or emailing questions to clarify what you want, and make sure you get it. Don't let her talk you into finishing your 6 sessions with her, this is your treatment, and about you getting better.

All psychologists work differently. Some may be really nice and just listen and sympathise and for some people that is exactly what they want. Some will teach you skills that may or may not be useful to you and may have an approach you love, or not. Some have really good insight and can guide you to powerful understanding. Some will be on your wave length, and some will not. Your psychologist is a contractor you hire to work with you to create the results and approach and therapeutic relationship that you want and that work for you. If you hire a gardener and they sit with you and enjoy your garden but don't actually change or achieve anything, you would probably look for someone else. Please don't blame yourself if this lovely person is not giving you what you want/need: she is the professional, and finding out what you want and how you are finding your sessions is something she should have been doing regularly. You may want to tell her the changes you want, the skills you need, the areas you are having trouble in and want to resolve, and that so far this hasn't happened.

Best of luck in your search for the right psychologist for you.

[Ms_Mac]

Hi Rubybleu, I want to add that most psychologists will say they can work with child sexual abuse, but that does not mean they are all highly experienced and qualified at doing so, or have the particular approach that will really help you. Many have just done a one-day seminar or a small segment in their degree course. Some have worked with a lot of people who have been through this horrible, confusing experience, and know helpful therapeutic approaches. Some have personal experience and really get it. If you have friends who have been through this and found a helpful psychologist, that can help. Or email the psychs and ask what special training or experience they have in this area. It is an incredibly vulnerable area to be exploring with a psychologist, and the chance of retraumatisation or help that fails to hit the spot for you is high. Best wishes.