Trying to find willpower.

[CrashCoyote]

My PTSD has been the gift that keeps on giving. It gave me obesity from not having the mental attitude to exercise. It gave me alcoholism to self medicate the pain and have some brief periods of being numb. Now I am fifty and tired of being a slave to the disease and the symptoms. Now obesity helps me cop out whenever I start regular exercise and get joint or back pain from it. Alcohol abstinence seems like a no brainer, but I still drink. Maybe not every day but at least a few days a week.

I desperately want to stop comfort eating. I definitely want to stop drinking ANY alcohol at all. I'd love to find the joy in exercise that so many people seem to get. I know I have to make the changes, I've tried and failed many times before. Where can I find the will to make the good decisions? Why is it so hard? Any tips? Please?

[Neil_1]

Hi CrashCoyote (ps:  LOVE the name)  🙂  

I can totally understand why it’s so hard – and I reckon a lot of us can.  It’s out mental illness that’s ruling us, that over-powers us and makes us its slave.  

For me, I also use alcohol to self-medicate and whoa, have done so for a long long time now.  Over the past few years though, I’ve been able to beat the alcohol addiction for a while.  However to do this I really had to have a goal that I was aiming for – a goal so worthwhile that for me to achieve that, I just HAD to go off the beer.  That goal was/is in the shape of being a natural bodybuilder.  Doesn’t sound quite right does it … a bodybuilder who smashes beer awfully hard for a long portion of each year.  It’s funny cause when I read of other bodybuilder’s profiles and what their favourite drink is, it’s either water or green tea or some kind of funky health drink.  Mine is beer.  Whoops, long diversion – sorry about that.  

 I don’t know if you’ve read my AFD post on Community Board, but it’s purely to do with getting of alcohol – “Alcohol Free Days” and for the month of April, I’m going to go off the grog for the month – and it is a post to see if anyone would like to try and join me for (all, part or some of it) – go off a few days if you can, and then join in again a bit later – purely up to whoever would like to try.  

But believe me, I know exactly what you’re saying with regard to the strength needed to get off it – and I honestly don’t think I could have if I didn’t have that goal.  But CrashCoyote, I will be here and am only too happy to try and work with you through this if you’d like.  

With regard to the comfort eating, I’m guessing it’s chocolates, chips, unhealthy snacks, etc???  We can try to work on that too if you’d like.  

I might just send this now just to let you know that there’s a post on your thread and that yes, I’m very interested in your post and would love to try and assist you in whatever way I can.  

Kind regards  

Neil

[MaryG]

Hi Crash Coyote,

It's hard isn't it? Your sensible brain says "don't eat that" or "don't drink that you don't need it" and then this other part just says "go for it. You'll feel so much better!" So we choose the second option because it makes us feel better. It's always temporary though so we end up eating or drinking more and more to keep feeling good. 

There is an add on TV for quitting smoking and it says something like "Will power is a like a muscle, the more we use it the stronger it gets" I think that is true to a certain extent and one way for you to get started is to keep your goals small and achievable. Don't embark on a big exercise regime straight off, start with just walking a bit every day. I don't know your circumstances but just park further away from your destination than you normally would. Take the stairs instead of the lift or escalator. Basically try and add a bit of exercise to your every day life.

Another option might be to join a gym and get a personal trainer. Again I don't know your circumstances and this may be too expensive, but the advantage is that the trainer can tailor a programme just for you with your weight and fitness level in mind. This should mean no injury worries to hold you back. It also means someone else is helping you to keep to an exercise routine. 

Do you have a friend you can walk with? Makes such a difference to chat and walk. The time passes and you don't even realise you are exercising. Hopefully after a little extra exercise you will start to feel a bit better and you can add some more. Just try and be realistic and remember it takes a long time to put on weight and it will take a long time to lose it. It won't be like Biggest Loser where its all over in a couple of months. That sort of weight loss is not sustainable long term. 

As far as eating and drinking are concerned, can you identify when you overeat or drink? For me the urge to drink is always greatest straight after work so I try and plan something else for that time (gym for me) so I am not actually able to drink. Basically its just distraction I guess and then I find the urge has passed. It doesn't always work but it's worth a try. Maybe also if you can't resist the urge to eat then choose something smaller and with less calories. Fruit or vegetables perhaps or some nuts. Also empty your cupboards of temptation. If it's not there you can't eat it or drink it.

Hope this helps. Just remember small steps to begin with.

Mary

[geoff]

dear CrashCoyote, this is an interesting post and certainly would like to continue on after this.

Alcohol is something that some of us need to self medicate to numb the feeling of depression, as I certainly used it, but it was one factor that caused my divorce, which I was very upset about, but at that stage I didn't stop drinking, because my problems became worse, and was known to be called an alcoholic, which I was back then, but now I only drink socially.

I had abstained on a couple of occasions only because I had to go to a function and had to drive home, and secondly because of a blood test showing that I had dangerously high levels in my blood which could easily cause a stroke, so I had to get these levels stable.

Mary who has replied to you has gone through hell and back and certainly had her problems so I am really pleased that she has replied to you.

Some people can abstain easily while it's not so good for others, but by having PTSD makes it that much harder.

I would be so much more interested in what you actually do. Geoff.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Mary,

Thank you for your post and support. Thank you also for re-affirming that I am on the right track. Self doubt can be very annoying! I have joined Neil's AFD's for April and at the moment are three days dry nd eating much more sensibly.

I'll keep you "post"-ed. 🙂

Regards, John.

[MaryG]

Good for you. Just one day at a time. 🙂

[Tanzi]

Hu Crashcoyote

I am just like you PSD Depression and anxiety. 

Doc put me on a new anti depressant I don't know if I'm allowed to name it.

My choice to drink has been taken away from me coz drinking for a short period evan, and then stopping results in me getting very very sick and  ending up in hospital in detox and it's a merry go round I am so sick of literally! The doctor put me on a tablet to take the desire out of alcohol (not the one that makes you sick) and it seems to work. My problem is the anti depressants help with anxiety but I am un happy and don't feel joy.

I'm spending a lot of time reading on positive affirmations and steps to help depression, but the motivation to get off the couch is hard.

I don't have any hobbies because nothing appeals to me, drinking used to fix that lol. I guess being depressed makes it hard to get excited to do something new.

If I can help let me know and I'll be watching your progress, good luck 🙂

[Neil_1]

To John (our CrashCoyote) 🙂  🙂

It's great to read your posts on the AFD thread - I can't wait to change it next time to be the DOG thread!!   I hope that in some way has helped you with regard to how you commenced this thread.

To Tanzi

I also hope that by you writing down your post and also reading the responses from others, that this may have even helped you a bit - just a tiny bit is better than nothing at all.  🙂

Kind regards

Neil

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Tanzi,

I hope you are going okay. I have heard of the tablets that make the user sick if they drink. Does the doc have any that do that for chasing skirt? (My other addiction!) 🙂

I understand when you say nothing appeals to you. Before you got depression, what hobbies or past times did used to appeal to you?

If you want to help me, just keep posting. It is always better for me to know that some of the feelings I have are not unique to me.

How was today?

Kind regards, John.

[Tanzi]

Well CrashCoyote

These pills take the desire to drink or take drugs away with no nausea but as far as I know stopping chasing skirt is not a bi product lol.

I've just been researching trying to change the subconscious messages that you repeat in your mind that causes all these behaviours. A long way to go, and everytime I'm hard on myself I try and replace it with "I'm Happy"

My Husbands' has been delayed interstate for 2 days and then he phoned to say his flight was delayed then cancelled then delayed then boarding in 20 minutes so I ate a KIt Kat! Better than grog.

I can't help but feel like a loser in social situations saying oh no I don't drink, when I used to be the last one standing, What do you or anyone else do. I hate it when someone says oh your so good I couldn't possibly give up, because I really only knew who I was when I was drinking or waking up still half cut then topping up the next night. I'd love to drink a couple socially but it doesn't happen.

I feel insecure and sensitive and shy.

My Husband is wonderful and gave up drinking 2 years ago for me but he doesn't believe in clinical depression or anxiety and thinks the mind can overcome anything, so I sneeked drink on and off for a while until he found it or I got sick.

Hopefully I won't do that again coz he said divorce would be next.

What does everyone else think is there a wway to not drink socially or do I stay home. It takes me all day to get up and go to the supermarket.

My only hobby was dancing (proper dancing in classes etc) but I quit in my 20's and got an eating disorder which I managed to replace with alcohol.

Sorry for waffling, this feels like I'm telling a story and I am disconnected from it but I still dislike myself a lot because now I'm fat.

Oops sorry I think I just hijacked this thread, I didn't mean to,

How is everyone else I'm a good listener.