Triggered in DBT, but want to keep going

[Justme1311]

Hi,

This is my first post, and I'm sorry if I do something not by the rules by accident, but I wanted to talk this through with people who "get it".

Today I went to DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) for the first time. Context: I hate group therapy, I've been through 20 years of psycho therapy now and I just really want to access the distress tolerance stuff, and I have a history of "perfectionism" and not feeling like I'm ever good enough... but literally ten minutes into the session and the first assumption we had to agree to accept was "everyone needs to work harder, get better, be better".

So, with my history hinging on the statement "close enough is never good enough" this triggered me and I felt totally dismissed by the psych running the group. I recognise that I want to keep going because I know the approach has some stuff that I want to access, but has anyone else felt triggered by this "assumption"? Why is the word "need" there? How about replacing it with "want"? Is this a branding issue? like, do different "versions" of DBT have different wording?

[Just Sara]

Hi Justme and welcome to the forum;

I'm glad you've plucked the courage up to write about your DBT experience. There's a couple of people here who've done it and you might like to talk to. I'll put the word out..

I see you've used specifics in your intro; without knowing you and what you're wanting out of therapy, I don't really know how to comment. I'll give it a shot though..

In my opinion, getting caught up with words is an easy fix; you just change them to match the outcome you want. Make them work for you, not the other way around. Does this make sense? So instead of saying "everyone needs to work harder, get better, be better", you could write;

"I could work harder, get better and be better at whatever I choose to put my mind to"

You'd OWN this statement; it provides choice in a gentle manner. Writing 'could' instead of 'should' or 'need to' takes the pressure off. It doesn't sound as if it's from someone else's voice and, it's not aimed at you being better at 'everything' which is stupid when you think about it. Most of all though, it's not generic. It's yours..

Hey girrrl! Don't sweat the small stuff eh! 😉

Hope I'm on the right track and haven't confused the topic even more.

What do you think?

Talk soon;

Sez x

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Justme1311,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

I haven't personally been to DBT but I have read a lot about it including group therapy. I can confidently say that I have never heard anyone say that before.

Personally I think I would have an issue with it too. I'm not sure how I'd feel going to my first group therapy session and being told I needed to work harder, get better and be better? So I can understand that you'd be feeling triggered by this. Aren't you working hard enough? Isn't the work you're going good enough? I know that I think so.

I'm wondering if it might be helpful to have a chat with your psychologist about this? I'd be really interested in knowing their intention and maybe there was some kind of message that just wasn't delivered properly - and yes, I can agree with Sez (Just Sara) in that sometimes to make things easier, rephrasing it can really help.