Struggling after a GP visit today...

[Guest_0FA9D802]

A little background first - I have been working as a teacher for almost ten years... last year I was really struggling with work... we had had some major changes at work, plus I was being bullied by students and also some staff and I started feeling very stressed and depressed. I took some unpaid leave and when I returned I transferred to the primary school section of my school. Things seemed to be improving but this year I started struggling again to the point when I was having panic attacks just walking into work.

I saw a GP at my Doctor's clinic (only certain doctors handle workcover) and was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. I was able to take leave through workcover and after a month or so I asked for a referral to a psychologist who I've now been seeing for just over a month. I feel he is really helping me but as our appointments are weekly it is slow progress. He has asked me not to even think about returning to work for the time being and to take some time to allow myself to recover. Fortunately my school principal and the return to work coordinator have been really supportive.

I have to see my GP each month as the workcover certificates only last for 4 weeks. Today when I went in, my GP told me he wants me to start going into work and spending some time there, exposure therapy I guess. I told him I didn't feel comfortable but he kept pressing me and I said after a while that I supposed I could go in and sit in the library to just be there. After I walked out of the clinic I ended up having a panic attack and I just couldn't stop crying... I ended up coming home and spent most of the day sleeping. I feel like I've taken ten steps backward after the time I've had off.  I understand that the goal is for me to be able to get back to work but I definitely don't feel ready yet given I have so many unresolved issues and I'm concerned the GP is pressuring me to go back too early against the psychologist's recommendations.

Right now I'm trying to decide whether I go back to see the GP tomorrow and explain all of this to him to see whether I can change this or whether I wait until my next psychologist appointment this week to see what my psychologist says, as I'm pretty sure he thinks going back too early could set me back. Thinking about it keeps making me feel ill... I'm sick of having panic attacks today and even if I try not to think about it, my thoughts keep racing back there.

[AGrace]

Hi Guest,

I wanted to start by saying good on you for taking the massive steps that you have already. It's not easy to ask for help, and yet you've accomplished this and so much more.

Given that you are feeling sick and panicked by what the GP suggested, I would go back and see him and discuss this with him. I would also then raise it with your Psychologist. I wondered whether workcover allows you to see a Psychiatrist? I'm only asking this because they have a medical background but are also more specifically trained to deal with mental health. A GP tends to just have a broad medical background. I don't think I would put my mental health in the hands of just a GP. Sadly a Psychologist can only really work on therapy with you. Your Psychologist sounds wonderful, and like he has a plan for your treatment, perhaps you could ask him to share this plan with your GP so your entire treatment team are on the same page.

I also wanted to suggest googling mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness and or meditation regularly might help with some of the anxiety in the interim.

Sadly anxiety is just like the white elephant. If I ask you to think of anything but the white elephant you will only be able to think about the white elephant. Just accepting the anxiety is present and breathing through it and allowing room for it, wont take away the anxiety but it will help stop the anxiety from getting worse. You can google Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to find out more about this technique.

I hope you will let us know your progress, just take each moment as it comes. We are here to listen as often as you feel like posting.

AGrace