Scared of starting treatment

[bear73800]

I saw my GP a few days ago and was given anti-anxieties for the week but the depression is getting worse. I feel hopeless, sad and guilty. I'm 23 years old and havent had to deal with depression properly since I was about 15, I was made to see a psychologist and I really hated it, I always felt worse leaving the sessions than when I arrived. Im scared of getting worse before I get better.

[Croix]

Dear Bear73800~

I'm sorry for how you feel at the moment. Hopeless, sad and guilty are things that are very familiar to many of us and your situation is one an awful lot of people here have had to go though, firstly the return of depression after a long period, and then the problems of getting and coping with medical treatment.

The first thing to say is you sound sensible, and have taken steps to try to sort your condition out, even though it might have been a bit frightening. Going to the doctor and accepting a recommendation for medication is a very practical thing to do, as is coming here for advice from others who have experience.

As you would know a week is too short a time to tell if those A/D's are going to be effective. Unfortunately as everyone is different then the effects of meds varies from person to person. I've had as long as 6 weeks to have them stabilize. In the interim it is often the case one can feel worse. I suggest keep in close contact with your doctor so your state can be monitored.

Comparing what is happening now with you now as an adult, in charge and able to exercise your judgment, and being only 15 and under the influence of others is not realistic. True the sessions then may have been uncomfortable, or even useless. That was when you were not in control. It will be different now - even if you do have therapy and do not enjoy it.

As for getting worse before better, depression does seem to come in waves, or at least it has for me, so it is a possibility. Once again contact with your doctor seems the way to go. On the brighter side you managed the depression eight years ago as an adolescent, I'm sure whit that experience you will cope now as an adult.

Apart from medical help do you have anyone in your life to care for and support you now that things are not so good? It does not need to be someone who understands everything going on in your head, they just have to care and be sensitive enough to learn what you need.

Please realize you will always be welcome here and can talk as much as you'd like

Croix

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey bear73800,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

It sounds like one of the biggest problems is about how you feel seeing the psychologist, so I want to talk and ask about that. What is it like when you see them; what do you guys talk about; how long have you seen them?

Seeing a psychologist can be tricky because no two are ever the same. Some you might 'click' with and others not so much. Having that relationship where you can kind of be yourself and work at your own pace is really important. It sounds like you've been dealing with this for a while, so it might take a bit of time.

A couple of reasons people really struggle is because they don't really know what they want from it, and frankly - neither does the psychologist. Sometimes people just want to talk, other times people want to sit there and make plans and brainstorm solutions (like about work/study/relationships). If you have a bit of an idea about how you want the sessions to go, that can help. Let them know how you feel. Even though there might be times when you feel crap leaving, the majority of the time you want to feel like you're on the right track and getting benefit out of it.

What do you mean 'get worse before you get better'? Is that like how you might have to talk about some hard stuff, or how it's awkward talking about it? Then yeah - that is tough. But then isn't getting better worth it?

[bear73800]

Thanks guys. I have another appointment with my GP today to talk about the medication I'm on so hopefully there will be traction there.

I know psychology is about finding the right fit for you but Ive just never found one. My previous experiences felt like they weren't there to listen to me- they'd already decided what they wanted to tell me. I think a lot of that came from my age, no one believes a sad school-age girl isn't actually getting bullied or doesnt have poor self-esteem (neither were a reality at the time but thats what they counselled me for none the less).

I dont mind talking about the hard stuff, if there was hard stuff to talk about. I have a good support network and I feel very guilty for causing distress to my partner and my parents. Its hard to explain whats wrong when nothing has happened to you I guess.

[Doolhof]

Hi bear73800,

Welcome to the community here. Please correct me here if I am wrong. You mentioned you are feeling depressed and anxious and that the psychologist you saw at 15 thought it was due to bullying and low self esteem, but in reality it was not due to that at all.

Are you saying that you are feeling depressed and anxious but have no real understanding of why you are feeling this way due to a lack of issues you can pinpoint as the cause?

Has your Dr. talked with you about chemical imbalances in the brain that can make you feel depressed when there does not seem to be any other reason for this to occur?

Learning ways to cope with your thoughts, beliefs and the way you react when you feel like this can assist you in making changes in your life for the better.

I sometimes write down what I want to discuss with the psychologist before my appointment.

I also like to have a chill time after, before I need to head off somewhere else. I take some deep breathes, try to work out what just happened and why the heck do I feel so agitated (if that is the case). Writing stuff down helps me to understand my thoughts more clearly too.

Please, let me know if I have this completely wrong regarding your situation.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey bear73800,

Thanks for your post and great hearing from you again.

How did you get on with your GP?

It's really interesting hearing you talk about 'getting the right fit'. It kind of made me think because we use that expression so much. It's tricky because no two people are ever the same. I've seen a fair few psychologists and they're all so so different. If you did have a psychologist who was the right fit, what do you think that would look like?

I get the sense that the previous ones just assumed the reasons that you were there rather than trying to listen and get to know you first; is that right? I think that some psychologists do really have a habit of that (especially with young people) just because so many people tend to deal with the same general issues like bullying and self-esteem.

Could you maybe give us an idea of what it's like so far with your current one? I know you mentioned that you feel worse after the appointment; do you think that he/she is assuming they know what's wrong too? What might it be like to talk about this with your psychologist? I know I've had conversations with mine about where we're going and what she thinks and what the plan is. The appointments are about you so it's important that you feel like you're in charge. It can be super scary having these conversations but I know that I felt so much better for it... I think sometimes we forget that we can be in the driver's seat in the therapy room.

[Geordie61]

Hi Bear73800

This is my first time that I have replyed to a post, however I have been suffereing Cronic Depression up until approx. 2 years ago, I have to say that prior to being diagnosed with this I was on anti depressants from my GP.

I assume you have had a recent mental health check from your GP, if not I strongly recommend you do so.This will certainly assist your GP in putting you in the right direction, either counselling, or Psychiatrist, either way its a positive step forward.

You are more mature now than when you were a 15 year old, and you have identified some issue you have now, so you have a greater understanding of what is about.

I can say from my experience that my road to recovery started when I look the problem by the horns and set about getting the right help, you may have a CBT problem or you may have an imbalance in the chemicals in your brain which requires medication,

I have to say , its a big step putting yourself out on this medium, the next step is to see the right people,. you are one step closer to feeling great ,

Mark