Psychotherapy

[nlboujos]

Has anyone tried psychotherapy? How does it differ from a psychologist? My counsellor recommended I see a psychotherapist for more long term solutions (EAP only provide 6 sessions, so are focused on short term solutions). I have an appointment booked for Wednesday afternooon

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Quercus,

Thanks for your post.

Ha, I like that one! It sure is a big can of worms!

To be honest I'm not sure how long I've been doing psychotherapy! My psychologist is trained in it so over time her approach has kind of switched around a little using psychotherapy techniques. There were definitely a few sessions that touched on it where as others were quite full on.

I absolutely think that it's progress to be able to see that. I think that as you can make more sense of things and see that more and more you'll know that it's helping.

I know that sometimes people can look at psychotherapy as 'parts of self' so for me I would say that at times I feel grief or sadness for that part of me (like a younger me), instead of feeling all consuming. By separating it it's actually helped because I can identify it.

Oh that's a great question! I think that it would be about really understanding how my childhood shaped the way that I am now and my life growing up. Before psychotherapy I never really linked the two together. I knew it on a surface level but never really understood it. Often when I'd have bad moments of depression I would think that about never being 'good enough'. It wasn't until psychotherapy where I realised where some of those messages came from. Being able to make that connection helped me to become stronger because I could really see it for what it was - just a repeated message.

I hope this helps! What about you? What are you finding most beneficial?

[Quercus]

Hi RT,

Well therapy tonight was interesting. I think a lot of it came from you so thank you.

I was thinking about how you mentioned childhood experiences shaping us.

The psychiatrist often asks me about my childhood. My parents made mistakes but they are human. There's no point being angry they did the best they knew how to do. That's my usual response.

Then he pulled out an "observation" of me that stunned me. I suppose this would be the most useful thing I have learnt. I knew theoretically about transferrance. About as the doctor patient relationship builds you act more like you would to friends and family and speak to them similarly. I didn't realise I was doing that.

He said I am subservient. That I make light of my feelings. That I apologise for wasting his time. Basically that I act like my feelings and opinions don't matter I just need to appease others. That shocked me.

He said to him it looks as if me feeling inferior, worthless, a burden and unimportant is my default way of functioning. And I thought of what you wrote. He is right. I have always been like this. I may be loved but my childhood is full of examples of being told I don't matter in some shape or form. Not intentionally hurtful but damaging anyway.

It was a good session. But painful. Embarrassing in parts too. I think part of me did that on purpose to change the topic.

Sorry for the saga. Yes. I can honestly say psychotherapy is helping me. It's helping me work out why I am the way I am. And showing me what I need to work on.

Do you find your therapy painful afterwards RT? I'm glad I only go once a week. It takes me the whole week to sort through all the feelings that come up.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Quercus,

Thanks for your post.

I appreciate you sharing what the therapy session was like for you.

In many ways I can resonate with it as I do exactly the same thing and have for years. Do you agree with what your psychiatrist said about you acting like your feelings don't matter and the need to appease others?

I'm really glad that you were able to make those connections and also really happy that I was able to help. I think that it's such a strength and a really good move because the way I see it connections mean progress.

I absolutely found therapy painful afterwards - and sometimes before and during! It's a painful process and probably one of the hardest things I've done emotionally. I think it was Jung who said 'there's no coming to consciousness without pain' and that quote got me through it; feeling like all this pain and hashing up old memories would actually help me long-term.

Oh - and there's nothing to be sorry for! I'm really glad that it's helping you.

[Quercus]

Hi RT and anyone else reading,

Well maybe it is premature to say this but I think there is progress. I feel good. Why? The therapy and making changes I think.

• I am starting to recognising unhelpful patterns that I repeat
• I am learning to voice my complaints rather than bury them
• I am starting to be able to feel emotions in a way that isn't overwhelming and doesn't manifest physically.

Progress 😊😊😊

[White_Rose]

Hello Quercus and RT

Just found this thread and oh how it rings bells for me. That I make light of my feelings. That I apologise for wasting his time. Basically that I act like my feelings and opinions don't matter I just need to appease others. I was with my psychiatrist today and this is what we talked about. Not exactly of course but close to it because this was something I have been thinking about for a while. I too am learning about unhelpful patterns.

I hope you don't mind if I join in the conversation at times.

Mary

[Quercus]

Hi Mary,

The more the merrier 😊. I'd like to hear your thoughts on psychotherapy too.

Feeling worthless, an inferior human being is such a bloody toxic sneaky feeling. You think you're doing ok and improving your self esteem then one criticism throws you and you're back at the start again. Blah! Any ideas how to genuinely change this Mary and RT?

Making a joke out of your feelings. Ah yeah I do this a lot. But am starting to realise it's not always a bad thing. When I had my awkward moment in therapy this week I realised there was an opportunity. To tell my husband what was bothering me in a lighthearted way. Not making light of the feelings just communicating them to him in a gentler less argumentative way. It worked really well. I told him how embarrassing my session was and what I blurted out. He laughed along with me... And then kissed me soundly and said quietly thanks for telling me.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Quercus and Mary,

Great to 'see' you both again and I'm so happy that you feel like you're making progress! Personally I don't think it's premature at all - being able to notice these things is awesome. Baby steps!

This is a great question too and something that I struggle with a lot. I think it's important to know that even though it feels like you are right back at square one, you aren't. It sounds like you've made a lot of progress in your therapy; and if you can try and flip back to square one - would you have those same insights? Would you be able to feel those emotions and identify those patterns? You will always have that knowledge with you now even if some days it's harder to put it into practice.

When I was going through this my therapist said it was like 'stirring the pot'. Things rose to the surface and it was uncomfortable and painful, but it was still okay. I was still okay.

Hope this helps