Problem with therapeutic relationship

[purplepuffin]

 
This is my first time seeing someone, it has been a few months. We have just been discussing current issues with her giving me advice. Once or twice I heard her sigh in presumed impatience as I was explaining something. She has also been late to several sessions.
In a later session I asked what she was planning to do. She mentioned a therapy which sounded good to me. She also said she would do a few things between sessions.
However, all sources say this therapy requires weekly sessions, but she booked me fortnightly. I don't know what to think about that. She also didn't do the things she said she would. 
I am feeling downhearted about working with her. What should I do? I am not sure if I should send her an email asking to be referred to someone else, or bring it up with her at our first session next year, or just do nothing and hope it gets better by itself. I don't want to start from the beginning again with a new person.

[mmMekitty]

Hello purplepuffin (great name)

The therapeutic relationship certainly is important, as much as the willingness of both you &the therapist to work towards reaching your goal.

Part of the therapy may include learning to trust, in yourself & in your therapist. For me, this has been vital. It is, I think, pretty much impossible to have a good therapeutic relationship with a therapist while I couldn't trust them to treat me wth respect & care. Nor while I was feeling so insecure within myself that I dared not ask any questions, clarifications, explanations, or anything. It's been years, for me, with this latest & best terapist, yet still, I feel a certain aprehension bording on fear when I want to ask him to even to repeat something he said, when I wasn't sure of what I'd heard.

With practice, it has helped the therapeutic relationship & the therapy works better when I've been more open, when I've taken chances & have asked about things I've been concerned about.

I used to have a therapist who was constantly late, munching on crunchy food while supposedly listening to me, didn't seem to ever hear my concerns about what was taking place during the sessions, & at last I was fed up enough to leave & begin to look for someone else.

It was hard to find someone else, hard, each time I met someone & had to re-tell my story, reasons for wanting to find someone, & even what had happened before. I don't think that part gets easier.

I wonder if writing out your questions & concerns, as concisely as you can, & taking that with you, either to give to her to read, or for you to use as a 'cue card', a handy list to help you address each subject.

In therapy, ideally, patients are permitted to ask anything, talk about anything, & their therapist should be receptive & listen. &, answer all practicle questions & invite discussion about other topics which come up, such as when she sighs & you'd like to know what it means.

Also, you could give the NDIA a call & ask about whether the therapy you want is covered under your plan.

All the best

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[purplepuffin]

Thank you for your reply! That is good advice, to write things out and hand it to her in session. It will be hard work to phrase it in a way that doesn't sound mean. But you are right, it can only make things better to address things openly. If I am just quietly unhappy and things continue as they are they can't get better and I am just wasting time. And good idea about calling the NDIA. If they say it is covered then I can breathe easier and not be worried they might decide to make me back pay all my appointments or something.

That's crazy about your previous psychologist eating crunchy food!! And not really listening to you! I am glad you were able to leave them and find a better one!!

[mmMekitty]

Hello purplepuffin

writing your note about what you want to say, try to make it succinct, maybe like a list, sticking to the questions you have not yet had answers to, including explanations of things yu don't understand, & try to keep to saying how yu think & feel, without sounding accusing by saying "You don't ... " & "You haven't ..." etc.

You could say, "I don't understand what is so 'unique' about [the issue]" & say, "I'd like to understand more myself".

If she forgets anything over the Xmas break, you are perfectly within your rights to ask "What about the [whatever it is] we spoke of last year?"

& maybe bring up the idea of seeing her more frequently (funding permitting), if she does begin the Schema therapy. You could say how you were reading online, mentioning where you read (making sure they are reputable sites), about how it is ideal to see you weekly.

I'm sure, more & more often patients are bringing ideas from what they've seen online, tele, heard on radio, etc, to their GPs & other health care specialists, so it should not come as a surprise to her to hear you have been researching, too. But if you don't want to irritate or annoy her, (which are her feelings, which she ought to deal with on her own time), then, that is why I suggest you check your sources are reputable first.

If you both are able to work through the difficulties you are having, you will both forge the stronger therapeutic relationship you know you need.

It took me a long time to find the psychiatrist I have now. As I said, very difficult to do, but in the long run, worth the effort. & we have had to work through some issues affecting our therapeutic relationship, too, & may have to in future - who knows? Relationships are never so set in concrete & static, are they?

It's worth the effort, if only because it's teaching me to speak up, to voice my opinions, to take the risk that he might reject my opinions, might say 'no' to requests, be Human with me, too & it's okay ... imagine that?1

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[P12]

Hi purplepuffin,

My experience is that it takes a seemingly long time to develop a close partnership with a psychologist. I have had two clinical psychologists. The first I met for 3 1/2 years. The second I have been meeting for 10 months. However, I have met my psychologists less frequently than you describe, roughly once every three months. I have also meet several other short term practitioners, the longest being six occasions.

I think the experiences you have described are normal. I have found it useful to try to approach my meetings as though I am trying to make or develop a friendship. I haven't had much success in this area in the world, but I can meet my psychologists as long as I am willing to pay them. I try to advocate for what I would like to speak about, but also realise that listening to what my psychologist is saying or thinking is important too.