Free neurodivergent therapy

[Maxiebon]

Hi! I'm an autistic ADHD-haver who is struggling a lot with life at the moment. I also have anxiety and possibly depression, I'm unsure (I was diagnosed with 'reactive depression' in 2015). I have a psychiatrist who I see for mostly managing my ADHD symptoms and we talk about relationship and family stuff sometimes. But I don't find much support from it, somehow.

I'm struggling a lot with general life stuff. I've given up on doing TAFE, because I can't complete a course due to stress. My family is a very chaotic and unsupportive environment for my neurodivergency (I mask the most around them). I'm constantly having meltdowns due to stress, partially caused by them and partially by social struggles and relationships. I can't leave home because I don't have enough money, and I'm struggling with working. I don't believe I'm eligible for NDIS, and my psych won't put me on the DSP because he believes I'm capable of doing better and don't need the help. I'm currently on JobSeeker and in order to keep my payment from them, I need to work 15 hours or more. I did my very first job trial at a retail store a few weeks ago, and it was only 3 hours long and I left it feeling completely spaced out. I barely made it through, because I was spaced out for at least the last half hour, and I'm pretty sure I turned customers away because I wasn't aware of what I was doing or saying. I was like a zombie. If it weren't for my girlfriend who waited for me, I would have been unsafe on the way home. If I work more, I will be going home alone. I also needed a few days' recovery afterwards, I was too exhausted to do anything after it. And that was just 3 hours, let alone the 15 I need!

So... This begs my reason for coming here: I'm not sure what to do. I need a therapist who will help support me through all of my stress and actually listen to me when I say I need help. I feel so alone, because everyone is telling me that I'm capable, but when I'm trying my hardest to be, I'm falling apart at the seams. I can't do what people, including my psych, think I can. But I also can't afford to pay for a therapist. So I'm not sure what I can do.

[therising]

Hi Maxiebon

I don't think certain people consider how intensely challenging life can be for a highly sensitive person (a HSP). It can be so challenging in so many different ways. Whether we're sensitive to sound, touch, visual stuff, taste, smell, certain words or comments, inner dialogue, what goes on up there in our imagination, certain feelings/emotions or something else, a lot of that can be felt. I think sometimes the question can be about 'How do I manage the challenge of sensing/feeling so much?'. Put another way, 'How to manage the challenge of being sensitive, a real 'feeler?'.

I think, when it comes to employment, a number of jobs would be best being crossed off the list of possibilities. While it's constructive to experience challenge to some degree (as challenge is the thing that helps develop us), I suppose it's about identifying unnecessary challenges. Is it necessary to work in a retail position where the store is very noisy and a number of customers are extremely triggering, in a stressful way? Maybe what's necessary involves working in a smaller store that is relatively calm and the customers are typically friendly and pleasant. Is it necessary to work in an industry that has a cold kind of non caring vibe about it or could it be more beneficial to work in some form of care industry, whether that involves working with people or animals? Is it necessary to work in a position where management are angering and stressful or highly supportive and encouraging? A HSP can go through a stack of jobs in a relatively short amount of time as they try and get a feel for the right one, the one that suits them best.

For a HSP not to be given skills in how to feel their way through life, life can definitely become a challenge (putting it mildly). While the question 'How are you feeling today?' is a general one that many may typically answer with 'Good thanks', if you're to ask a highly sensitive person 'How are you feeling today?' it can be a very different answer. 'How am I feeling? Well, I'm feeling through my nervous system and it's overwhelming'.

[purplepuffin]

Have you been diagnosed with ASD? If you have and are level 2 or higher you automatically qualify for NDIS. If you haven't, it is worth trying to save up to get an assessment through a psychologist. Once you have the diagnosis, applying is easy as you only need to fill out your personal information in the form and attach the report (you don't need the section by the treating professional, that is optional for when you don't have a diagnosis report). I have level 2 (and combined moderate adhd) and was able to get NDIS. Through it I get access to psychology which is very helpful. 

I recognise what you mean by feeling spaced out. I feel the same way after prolonged social contact - it is some kind of silent buzzing in my head, similar to how your hand feels if you are grasping a vibrating object for several minutes. And it is hard to form coherent thoughts. I am very lucky though as I live with my partner whom I don't have to mask around, and when I am employed (not currently, sadly), I am a programmer who can work from home.

As well as saving up for an ASD diagnosis, you could also try to find some work or volunteer work you can do that is not going to stress out your system to such a degree as retail work. There could be data entry work from home or volunteering to update information on a not for profit's website, or maybe you can be a volunteer dog walker or cat helper at your local RSPCA (if you like animals. Or you could deliver newspapers or catalogues, or if you have a bicycle and are fit, do Uber eats deliveries. It sucks that you have to live at home and are constantly having to mask around your family, that makes you always slightly stressed and then only a little bit extra tips you over the edge 😔 I don't know how to get DSP but if you can get an ASD diagnosis I am sure it will be much easier. Don't rely on a psychiatrist to tell you whether you have ASD or not as they are usually not trained in that. You want a psychologist who specifically has it on their website (some psychologists aren't trained in it either, but fewer)

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Maxiebon,

It sounds from what you describe that it would be really helpful having a psychologist who specialises in neurodivergence and really understands it. I’ve had counsellors in the past informally diagnose me with ADHD and as likely being on the autism spectrum. Neither was qualified to formally diagnose me and I’d given up in recent years trying to follow through with those things. Even though I’ve got a good psychologist now I’ve been dealing with other trauma-related issues with her. But I have huge empathy for what you describe in terms of how you felt after three hours of work. I have worked almost entirely part time as I have really struggled to fully function. I actually worked with kids with autism at one stage when an education assistant. I loved working with them, but there were days it took so much out of me I went to bed as soon as I got home and was literally there for 24 hours, unable to speak or move. Sometimes I have just collapsed on the ground. I’ve also worked in retail and I did find it a struggle (like a duck who is paddling like crazy underwater but no one got how hard it was for me to keep functioning). Only someone who has had to struggle as you have gets it, and it sounds like your current psych doesn’t really grasp what it’s really like for you.

 I’m thinking are you currently with a disability employment agency instead of a regular employment agency? If not, that could help you, as they are more tailored to people with disabilities and medical conditions. The conditions are less stringent and more flexible. They can support you to get work that’s more appropriate when dealing with challenges linked to neurodivergence. The upside of neurodivergence is there’s things you will be good at that neurotypical people may not be so good at. It would be great if someone could help you to find your niche. If you are with a disability employment agency for a couple of years and still unable to find suitable work that you can do for more than 15 hours a week, then it might make you more eligible and likely to get DSP.

As purplepuffin mentions there are psychs who identify neurodivergence as a speciality on their website. You could do a bit of a google search. You could try ringing them, if you feel able, to discuss your situation, including the affordability issue. It can be a way of getting to know them a little and sense whether they may be a good fit. They may have a sliding scale to make appointments more affordable, or know of other practitioners who may be more affordable.

Those are just some thoughts. I really feel for you with the challenges you are dealing with and hope you can find some good support. Take care,

Eagle Ray