Physcotic Episode ?

[Steve0]

Hi,

A few weeks ago, I believed someone came into our house while we were sleeping. Played around with my computer. The heater had been turned on and the electric hot water system turned off. At the time we suspected it might have been our neighbour who we have had a long running dispute with over their noise.

We had previously noticed other little things that had happened around the property that were very strange, including the hot water being turned off a week previous. On there own I would just brush the issues off. Added together ... I think about it all the time, obsessively - it's a dark hole.

I went to my doctor for an emergency appointment, I was freaked out and wanted to talk to someone. He didn't think the story was plausible and offered me anti psychotic medication and suggested I might think differently in a few days on these meds. He also called my girlfriend immediately after I left. We decided not to call the police as it was a mental health issue - not a plausible situation, nothing was taken that I can see.

In a way I was relieved to hear that I was psychotic and happy to take the anti psychotic medication to make me think straight and clear up the worry. They however made it very hard to think straight, I am an IT professional and cannot do my job on those tablets, I couldn't even work out how to operate our TV while on them. And I still believed someone had come into the house even after taking them .. well sometimes I do ... it goes around and around my head, I come to different conclusions at different times.

More recently I have been put on sedative medication to reduce my anxiety. I am having nightmeres at night (I never have night meres) sometimes waking up yelling ... I am getting up at random times at night all hot and flushed and check around the house and in my office (very scared) I leave all the outside lights on every night. I'm also very very tired all of the time and i get pins and needles in my feet and lips. My partner complains that I am very quiet and I feel like I can't be happy. I want to be but something is stopping me like a big weight.

Am I having a psychotic break ? I don't know - I feel like I am in a black hole. My partner is also scared, she doesn't know if I am going mad or not or if someone was in the house when we where sleeping. Perhaps if we sell up and move house we will feel better.

[Petal22]

Hi Steve0,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im really sorry you are feeling this way.

If you feel that your medication isn’t agreeing with you then please go back to your gp ASAP and discuss what is happening…… medication can affect people in different ways…. Maybe see a different gp if you feel your current one isn’t helpful in getting to the root cause.

I understand what severe anxiety feels like…….. it can feel quite scary at times to the sufferer and distressing.

Have you thought about doing a mental health plan with your gp …. This will enable you to see a psychologist…

Maybe see if you can get in to see a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist these professionals can diagnose.

I’m here to chat

[geoff]

Hello Steve0, I can't tell you what you may be having but moving house may only transfer how you are thinking to the new home.

Can you buy some cameras that you install in all your windows and replay the tapes if something goes wrong outside, these will tell you if another person has entered your property and with sales on today, you could get them at a reduced price.

Once you have these installed then you will hopefully begin to feel better as your partner will also.

Geoff.

[Steve0]

Thanks. Yes my Dr did say he could give me a referral and I think I will take that offer up and see about changing meds. I am worried too that I might become addicted to the sedatives ... especially as they help alot. 1/4 of a tablet is enough.

I also suffer from very severe migraines (can't walk or talk properly, hellish pain, vomiting, very strong vibrations and squeezing around my abdomen and feeling like I am a different person) and I read that some anti depressants can also help with that - off label.

[Steve0]

Thank you and yes this has been a suggestion of others. But then I think, if its all in my head then why go to the expense and bother ... it just looks paranoid having cameras recording everywhere.

Was outside again last night with my partner and the torch .. I thought I had heard noises ... well I had but we didn't know what it was. My poor old girlfriend ... she like me is a very quiet "loner" type person, from another country with no friends (like me) and it rips my heart to see her worry about me and not know what is going on.

And to top this all off we had this other really weird thing happen that was certainly not a delusions. We use to feed 2 x Currawongs and sometimes some Kookaburras. For years we fed these same 2 Currawongs, Mr and Mrs Frank and then they bring their babies back to show us each year. Well they bought their 2 babies back to show us and then all of a sudden after that there was only Mr Frank and 1 baby, the mother and the other baby have gone ... for weeks. And then I told my other neighbour who feeds about 8 Kookaburras and has for years and he said they have all gone, none for weeks and the couple of Kooks that we would feed are gone to. This ontop of everything else really makes me feel like I am living out an actual horror movie.

[Petal22]

Hi Steve 0,

Im sorry this is happening to you.

Yes please go back and talk to your doctor.

[Steve0]

"This ontop of everything else really makes me feel like I am living out an actual horror movie."

And who can say that I am not ? Who can say that anything other than me is real, perhaps I am in some kind of alien movie playing out a part ? Is it a mental health issue to consider that ?

And if others, other than me are real then how can creation be a good place. Yes there is happiness and love and bliss but in order for creation to exist tragedy must exist. Terrible terrible suffering. How can anything "good" be based on a creation with such suffering.

I'm sorry I am getting off track and sound even more psychotic but these are the things I think of ... in my better moments. Maybe someone here has an answer. Religion dosn't .. except perhaps the Gnostics.

[Petal22]

Hi Steve0,

You may be experiencing intrusive thoughts? I’m not a doctor and can’t diagnose.

I have a lived experience of Severe anxiety OCD I have now recovered from this condition thanks to the help I received from health professionals.

When I was in the depths of this condition I felt like I was living my worst nightmare.

Steve0 please make an appointment with your gp ASAP and have a referral for a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist for a diagnosis.

Im here to chat, hang in there

[Petal22]

Hi Steve0,

With my experience of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder I would have intrusive thoughts that would repeat over and over, I’d check things including my thoughts and obsess constantly over my thoughts.

My mind was stuck in a vicious OCD cycle…….. it was unrelentingly…

My anxiety was very severe with each intrusive thought my anxiety would reach new highs ……… it really was a very horrible place to be.

I was constantly stuck in my head… it was exhausting..

My thoughts seemed irrational but “ felt” very real…………..

Steve0 like I said I’m not a doctor but if it is OCD it is very treatable………

Please let me know how you go with your gp and referral.

[Steve0]

Thanks Petal. I can relate to what you are saying. It is a dark dark hole. I had never thought of OCD from thoughts before. My anxiety starts the moment I wake up, with a big sweaty hot flush. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't wake up, the most wonderful experiences I have had in my life have been dreams. Wonderful dreams of heaven ..... perfect peace.

I'm trying to abort a migraine today and one of the first signs I have of migraine is feeling "high" and having weird thoughts. If it really takes hold I will often have the same thought in my head in a kind of loop that I can't get out of .. but that is different from my anxiety and delusion that people come into my house while I sleep etc (eg when I don't have migraine).

The more I experience these mental health issues the more I feel sorry for others that have to suffer like this.

I'm glad you got through ok.

Yes I will get a referral asap.

Thx again for your time and kindness.