New to therapy and need some help!

[Givemebackmysoul]

Hi,

So I’ve just recently started seeing a psychologist as I was referred to one after being sexually assaulted.

We have had discussions beyond my referral about other past experiences that have contributed to my poor mental health (family violence & bad relationships), so I have a question.

How do you actually communicate with your psychologist and know that she actually understands how you feel?

Every time I go into a session I’m always having one of my better days and I cannot for the life of me describe what I felt like when I was feeling like crap. It’s like I’m two different people, my mind is blank and I just can’t think of how I felt unless I’m actually feeling it? Which sounds stupid? and it makes me feel like we aren’t on the same page?

I feel like she thinks I’m doing fine but I was feeling so awful the days leading up to my session and today I felt like we didn’t address that enough.

Also, because I was referred to her I feel like I can’t talk to her about other things because that’s not what our sessions were intended for if that makes sense?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated 🙂

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Givemebackmysoul,

Perhaps you could start by telling her exactly what you've told us on here; that you can't describe what it feels like when things were crap, and that you feel as though you are two different people? Maybe by telling her that, it will give both her and yourself more to work with, than trying to work on stuff that is not as much of an issue at the time? Does that make sense?

In other words, go with what you've got, rather than what you had. It may well be that by doing that, it might help you either come back around to the original issue/intention, or even if not that, then help you to move forward from where you're at now; which seems to be a bit confused and concerned.

To use a metaphor; one of the major the 'symptoms' of diabetes is blood sugar levels that are too high or too low ..... but it's not the actual sugar that is the issue. It's the body's pancreas which does not produce any/enough insulin to properly process the sugar. And so the 'sugar' issue is treated with insulin. Or, in other cases diet and exercise.

So this feeling of confusion of not being able to 'focus' on the reason you were referred to her in the first place, could well be a symptom of the effects of what the assault did to you, and your mind's coping mechanism of blocking certain things out until such time comes that it/you are in a safe enough environment to deal with the original issue.

I don't know. I'm not a professional in any way, but I can and will tell you that I too am a survivor of sexual assault, and I too was very confused when I first started with my therapy. I understand today that the human brain is a very complex machine and that recovery can take quite some time. And that choosing to seek recovery/help to deal with my assaults is one of the best decisions I have ever made.

I do hope that the above words are of some comfort for you. And remember, Beyond Blue is also here for you and with you 24/7. Feel free to keep posting and share whatever is on your mind anytime. The more support services you seek and utilize, the better you will be.

Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Givemebackmysoul,

Thank you for your post.

I completely agree and echo with Soberlicious96 on her reply to you.

It's incredibly rare for people to go to see their psychologist and just focus on one issue or situation that was talked about in the intake or first session. Life doesn't work like that. It's totally normal for the focus of the session to change and change again, just depending on how you're feeling that day, what's been going on for you, or how you've been processing therapy. So please know that you can absolutely bring other things up - you may even find that it has a knock on effect to the initial session (like how your bad relationships tied in with sexual assault for instance).

I agree that it would really helpful to talk to your psychologist about how you're feeling - even if you were to print this off and hand it to her? Some people often use letters and emails to share what can be too hard to share in session, especially at the beginning.

What happens before you go to therapy, how is it that you're feeling? I'm asking because sometimes as a kind of defence mechanism we shut out our other feelings as a way to cope with how we're going. So if you were feeling awful a few days beforehand, perhaps there could have been a part of you that felt it was too hard to bring that up to session? I'm not sure if that were to apply to you but something to think about.. Your psychologist may have some thoughts on this too or some ideas on how to make the most of your sessions together.

Hope this helps

[theo-m]

Hi Givemebackmysoul!

while I'm not in the exact same situation I definitely experience this exact feeling "It’s like I’m two different people, my mind is blank and I just can’t think of how I felt unless I’m actually feeling it?" and it did cause me issues in therapy. What helped me most was having a notebook where i wrote down what I was feeling at the time without going into triggers or circumstances (I can generally remember those fine, but without the feelings).

So I'd write about my body's reactions, or the thoughts going through my head, or the emotions I was feeling that exact moment, so that when I went into therapy and I was unable to feel those feelings, I could read out what I had written, or give my therapist the piece of paper.

Obviously this may not work for you and it's taken me years of trial and error to find a half-decent solution, but it might be worth a try?