Nervous about counselling

[Coffeebean]

I thought I should post a newbie hello. It seems the polite thing to do, rather than lurking.

I am married, mother of two, working part time.

I've been taking an antidepressant for almost four weeks now, (first time) and need to see my gp again to arrange counselling (also first time). Side effects haven't been too bad, just restlessness and low appetite.

I've realised that I'm particularly bad at talking about myself. I am a really, really good listener, but when it comes to talking, nothing comes out. It's almost as if saying "I'm fine" has become automatic.

[BballJ]

Hi Coffeebean ,

I can't say I have been through that but do you care to go into a little more detail about it so I understand it 100% as I can't say I am very familiar with it.

It's very easy to be dependant on our spouses, is there any family or anyone who maybe can come and stay or you can go there whilst he is away?

My best,

Jay

[Coffeebean]

Family is a long way away - some overseas, some on holidays. Friends are away for the week. It's just me and the kids. At least I'm feeding them.

Work tomorrow, if I make it in. I don't want to go, but worse if I stay home.

I don't think the medication or counseling is doing anything, and I'm not convinced it ever will. I feel like I gave up months ago. And now I feel ashamed that I'm not trying hard enough.

[BballJ]

Hi Coffeebean,

That would be tough with everyone so far away, at least the kids are there to help take your mind of it and keep you company.

How long as it been since you fully started counselling and the medication... I know the medication can take weeks before the affects of it kick in. Have you bought it up with your GP that you don't feel any better from the counselling?

May I ask, Do you find yourself holding back how you feel when speaking to the psychologist?

My best,

Jay

[Coffeebean]

I've had 6 weeks of my first med, 7 weeks of the current one. Four counseling sessions.

I often feel confused in counseling. Not because I don't understand it, or the questions. I just don't understand my answers. Most of what we have done is CBT, mostly learning about it.

[Coffeebean]

Didn't make it to work. I feel so broken, no amount of medication or counselling or meditation or mindfulness or positive thinking is going to put me back together.

[BballJ]

Hi Coffeebean,

I am very sorry you are feeling this way, I do want to let you know you can get better, I know it sounds so cliché but our recovery journeys are never meant to be easy, we all wish they were but they aren't unfortunately, we want to be a straight line from point A which is the start and point B which is the end and we are better, it is more like a figure 8 from point A to point B, you go up and down and hit these speed bumps along the way. You have to keep persisting with counselling and medication if needed as that is a great way to get better.

I am always here to talk so please keep replying.

My best,

Jay

[Coffeebean]

Hi jay, thanks for listening. I dragged myself out of bed, showered and had some proper food today. Then washed my sheets, and cleaned my shower. At least I won't so smell bad now!

[Coffeebean]

So tired (not much sleep this week) and I just realised I haven't made my bed yet 😩

These ups and downs are challenging. I'll have a couple of ok weeks then boom, right down. After a few days, I crawl back out, and the cycle repeats.

Husband returns tomorrow. I feel bad for making him worried about me. I haven't been to work for a week. I feel guilty for not working. I've had a few messages from people at work, but I have a hard time accepting that they care. That's something I definitely need to talk with my psychologist about.

My thoughts are clearer tonight. I hope it lasts.

[BballJ]

Hi Coffeebean ,

The ups and downs are always challenging, I am dealing with them as we speak and I know the feeling that when you are up and then it drags you back down... the repeating cycle is crap.

Since your last post, your husband must of come back by now, hopefully that has settled you down a little. I think it's nice the people at work were messaging you to see if you were ok, sometimes you find compassion in the most unlikely places when you are struggling. As you said thought something you can speak with your psychologist about.

How has the last couple of days been?

My best,

Jay

[Coffeebean]

Sorry to hear you've been down lately, Jay. I hope you're picking up again.

I saw my psychologist again today. phew!