Let Down by My Psychologist

[CoffeeSnob]

I was just hoping to get another perspective on this - I honestly don't know what to do about it.

Up until January I was seeing a psychologist at a trauma service, for work-related PTSD and depression. For some time I had felt that I had become too dependent on her, which I raised with her more than once. I actually asked for a break from therapy, twice, but she talked me out of it each time and we continued on with weekly sessions. Anyway, the day of my last appointment, I found that I just wasn't up to it and that was it. I stopped sessions altogether. But I pretty well misjudged my own condition and as no discharge plan had been put in place, I suffered accordingly. I've had ongoing problems with depression and anxiety since then.

I had no follow up, not even a "how are you going?" phone call, so I emailed my former psychologist in early May to express my disappointment. She couldn't have come across as less interested. She told me she would pass my feedback to her supervisor, but I've heard nothing since then. This was six weeks ago.

I feel extremely let down. I was a client there for 12 months, but once I left it was like I no longer existed. This was not what I was expecting, at all. I put everything into therapy and trusted my psychologist completely. The complete lack of interest, care and concern shown by her in return has been devastating.

I'm having a hard time, but the last thing I want to do now is engage with another psychologist.

Is this how things normally work in the mental health system?

[Croix]

Dear CoffeeSnob~

This is a problem many, including myself, have had to face. One of the big traps for me has been to see medical personnel as friends, when in fact they are pay-for. There is a duty of care of course, but this is open to interpretation. While many professionals might follow up in those circumstances, I suppose some would not feel there is an obligation, particularly as you had twice expressed reservations about continuing therapy.

I would think it is necessary to open right up and to reveal one's innermost self in order for problems to be addressed and I guess we all have a sort of built instinct that if we are confiding very personal facts then the person we are talking to must be close. (I did not say this is logical, just that it happens)

So it can come as a pretty big shock when one finds out it is a 'financial transaction'. I'm probably being rather unfair to the many professionals that do care and do try hard over and above what is strictly expected, but fundamentally they are not friends in the normal sense. If for example one retires then hopefully the therapist will have made arrangements for another to take over the case, however that relationship - no matter how longstanding - will cease straight away.

It reminds me of another situation, where we used to employ a private lawyer to conduct prosecutions, and a very easy relationship was formed over time. Then the arrangement came to an end and we saw him as a defense lawyer. All perfectly proper but a surprise nevertheless.

It boils down to the fact that medical treatment of all types is a tool that you use to make yourself better. You do have to rely upon doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists, but that is for their professionalism, to give you their expertise and skill. Anything more is a bonus.

I'm sure I'm only telling you what you already know. Please don't let this incident stop you from obtaining professional help, as I mentioned a while ago it is important.

Croix

[CoffeeSnob]

Hi Croix,

Thanks for replying. Of course, this was a professional relationship. I knew that going in. And I'd actually talked with her about it a number of times, so I wasn't under any illusions. I suppose it would have been helpful for me to wind down the sessions - go to fortnightly, then monthly, then stopping. Going from weekly to nothing was hard and I really noticed it after a few weeks. But I suppose I should take more responsibility for that.

When I emailed her I was in pretty bad state, not seeking sympathy but perhaps a referral or something. So yes, that was a shock to realise I was a just a number in the system.

And it has put me off therapy. But maybe that will change in the future.

[Ggrand]

Hello coffee snob,

Im sorry your psych done that to you...

Mty psych, decided to ring me up and cancelled my appointment over 2 months ago and said she will reappoint the following week..She hasn't...she has just left me in the middle of theraphy, She abandoned me..My mental health nurse and gp both have been trying to reach her now for over 2 months with no success, she is working just not answering her emails to my mental health carers.. No more psych in this little town so I'm on my own to try to sort myself out I have greater issues now then before I started therapy, with my traumas brought forward and not addressed is making things extremely hard..

My abandonment and rejection issues are really high in scale now.....Duty of care , seems to only exist to paying customers...

I just thought I would pop in and let you know that you are not alone..

Grandy..

[White_Rose]

Dear CoffeSnob

This can be a most distressing event to happen. It is difficult to sever the connection between you and a therapist. It is the nature of the beast that customers become dependant on these people. They are supposed to be trained to handle this transference so either your psychologist was not well trained or cannot be bothered to keep you safe.

No matter how much you understand the relationship it is the responsibility of the therapist to manage this relationship. They are the ones who should be keeping a professional distance and also ensuring you are not harmed. She can have no excuse for not talking about the effect she was having on you.

I actually asked for a break from therapy, twice, but she talked me out of it each time and we continued on with weekly sessions.

I find this is unacceptable. Who referred you to this psych? Can you get a referral to someone else? I think you need to talk to someone even though you feel you cannot trust a therapist again. When something similar happened to me my GP arranged for me to see someone else. I think we spent the best of the year dealing with my lack of trust before we actually started therapy.

Was this psych part of your workplace Employee Assistance Service? If so you should report this to your HR department.

Pleas keep writing in.

Mary

[clownartist]

Hi Coffee Snob,

I have endured the same behaviour from my psychologist.Very disappointing to realise your mental health is a financial transaction.When my mental health plan expired my psychologist offered me a discount for cash The ultimate insult on our final meeting was he gave me a chinese finger trap bizarre.I felt totally abused,no follow up phone call no email.There are good psychologist out there just have to find them.Maybe we need a rating system like Ebay sellers/Tripadvisor have ??Cheers CA

[CoffeeSnob]

Hi Grandy,

Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time too. I know how hard it is to seek help and then trust a psychologist enough to open up to them.

I hope you find the support you're seeking. In the meantime, you have all of us here on the forums to chat to.

Be kind to yourself.

[CoffeeSnob]

Hi Mary,

Thanks for your reply. The psychologist I was seeing was part of a very well-regarded trauma service. A lot of police are referred there. I do know they have quite a waiting list, so perhaps this is just how they operate. Once you're out the door, you're not their problem anymore and it opens up a space for someone else. To be honest, that seems a rather callous approach to mental health care, but not sure there's anything I can do about it.

[CoffeeSnob]

Hi CA,

Thanks for replying. A Chinese finger trap? Really? I'm sorry you were treated like this too, it really sucks. I don't think it's too much to expect some form of follow up. Nobody is expecting to become besties with their psychologist, but some degree of professional aftercare would be appreciated.

Take care.

[smallwolf]

Just going to through some random thoughts I might put out there...

On being persuaded or talked into of weekly sessions. While each persons case is unique, and sure there are cases where a being talked into a weekly session might be a money grab, when it happened to me, it was actually worth while. At the time I would have questioned it, but in hindsight... (just playing devils advocate here. And I have been lucky with my psychologist.)

A chinese finger trap is not that uncommon in psychology. Push the finger closer together and the trap will loosen. Pull apart and tightens. Picture one finger as you, and the other is stress. Pulling apart might equate to running away and does not help the situation. But if you can get closer to the issues and/to combat them, you have a better chance of "winning". Otherwise putting fingers closer together is like acceptance of the problems?

Tim