im stuck in a vicious cycle...i need some advice...things are complicated

[--Danny--]

Hi everyone, I'm in struggle city..need some good advice...

I grew up in a house where my parents were yelling/screaming/fighting...threats of suicide, separation, no money, I was always getting blamed for stuff...I was a referee between the two of them fighting since age 10...I remember saying to myself as a kid that I hated my life...fighting in public places...my parents said things & did things to each other that was awful for kids to see...I always wanted to run away from home...I guess my anxiety was forged into me then...

When I turned 16, I started an apprenticeship...I started becoming an alcoholic straight away...binge drinking 4-5 days a week...living at home wasn't easy...I met my wife when I was aged 17, she was 15..we now have four beautiful children...I'm now 31 yrs old...still a binge drinker, & I have done some stupid things while under the influence of alcohol...mainly getting drunk & hanging with my friends...usually acting like a fool & waking up regretting everything I did or said...

At age 24, I got hooked on weed & have smoked it daily since...when I started smoking, it calmed me at first...but after a while it caused extreme panic attacks, anxiety, depression...I've been on heaps of different anti depressants...one particular brand cured my illnesses for 2-3 yrs...I went off them once I was well...got depression again & had trouble sleeping...got anti depressants to help me sleep..I recently got off them because of side effects(weight gain)..I have been put on the ones that cured me the first time....I've been on them for a week...I haven't drank a drop since I started new medication:):) I'm struggling with the initial side effects of new medication...bad anxiety/panic...these should go away within a week...

Once i overcome drinking...next step is smoking...I just want to be a better husband & father...I'm hoping one day I will find my inner peace....

[--Danny--]

Hi Kylz, thank you so much for your kind words & support! That was really nice 🙂 Thank you 🙂 Yes, the alcohol was really messing me up my life & had done for years..I have been off it for nearly 6 weeks now & am feeling so much better..my wife is a lot happier, my kids are happier..I can see them smiling more now & I have spent way more time with everyone at home..it's been good 🙂 I wish I had of quit years ago..but saying that, all I ever did was drink beers, never any recreational drugs..I'm not into all the drugs...except weed which is a very soft drug compared to what other drugs are out there...I don't even smoke cigarettes..so I guess I'm grateful thats all I ever did...but these days I don't want beer...

I agree100% with you Kylz, that concentrate soley on quitting the beers.my plan is to quit alcohol for 6 months & stabilize the fact I have quit..I'm hoping after 6 months I will be very set in my ways of not drinking..then I plan on booking into a detox rehab clinic & quitting weed that way..cold turkey in a clinic with all the staff support..I really don't think I will slow down or cut down before then...I might aswell enjoy it as much as I can because in 4.5 months I will be in a clinic getting off it..plus the weed has really helped me stay off the grog..it's definately been a useful tool for me..

Yeah, me & Cas are pretty close, we are rock solid mates:-)  Cas is the one I always turn to on BB, when I'm in need of some advice..or just feel depressed, Cas always cheers me up 🙂 thanks Cas!

My family are gold, I love them with all my heart, they are precious to me & I'm very, very grateful to have these people in my life..I'm very proud of them & every single day I'm alive, I will try my best for them & protect them..there my life!

Surfing sounds fun but I'm scared of sharks :'( I like going to the beach & just walking along the sand looking at the water & horizon..sunset...it just relaxing & eases my mind...I haven't done it in ages..

I was put back on AD's 6/7 weeks ago & they have worked wonders 🙂 I will stick with em untill the alcohol & weed have been out of my system for 12 months...then looking at alternative ways of curing depression other than AD's...but for now they are definately helping me get my life back on track! I'm not in a rush to get off AD's as they are really positive for me..

Thanks once again Kylz 🙂

Danny