I have developed feelings for my psychologist

[LilyR]

I started seeing a psychologist for depression and anxiety in March 2016. I had seventeen sessions with him in total and my last session was in November last year. Approximately nine or ten sessions in I realised that I was starting to develop feelings for my psychologist. I realise that it is stupid and ridiculous but nevertheless the feelings are still there even though it has been five months since I saw him. Appearently it happens quite a bit and is called ‘transference’. No matter what I do I cannot seem to get him out of mind and it is affecting my mental health. I honestly wish I had not gone to see him in the first place as it has made everything worse. I am after some advice or suggestions on what I should do. Has this happened to anyone else? I obviously do not want to tell my psychologist about my feelings as that would be extremely embarrassing and awkward but I need to get some help with this. Should I talk to my doctor or another psychologist about it? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated- thank you.

[Luna_Eclipse]

I think I know how you guys feel as I have developed an attachment but towards my Dr. I don’t know why or how it happened but I am pretty much attracted to him. Not sure how to deal with it or if it’ll go away on its own

[BumbleBumble]

Hi Luna,

As many people have mentioned transference and countertransference is commonly experienced in the therapeutic relationship. Sometimes these take the form of romantic feelings which can be confusing, uncomfortable, distressing, and or exciting. The key is to be aware, process and act appropriately.

It is important to not only be honest with yourself but with your therapist. They are trained in how to deal with these issues. The development of these feelings may also be masking other issues that would be important to explore and work through.

Bottom line. Talk to your therapist about these feelings. They are common and not a reflection of your character.

Hope this helps

[Tweet-Heart]

Hi BumbleBumble

I know about erotic transferance but I can't tell him he will have no choice but to terminate therapy.

I am really confused, unsettled and distressed by it.

I am not physically attracted to him. I'm emotionally attached to him and think about him in a sexual way. I want him to make love to me. I think about him all the time. But I don't understand why since I'm not sexually attracted to him.

He is married with a son, he mentions his wife sometimes in our sessions.

This is ludicrous. Why does this happen?

I can't seem him until 13th Feb I will find some excuse to contact him. He makes me safe and he is the only one I can trust. I'm feeling vulnerable and having trouble dealing with these intense feelings.

I am shocked he doesn't know. I must be putting on a good act.

I call him outside sessions when there is a crisis, how could he not know.

[Luna_Eclipse]

Hi bumble,

Thanks for the reply, I’m glad I’m not the only one going through this as I thought it was quite odd of me to start to feel this way especially since I’m a happily married woman. I think it’s cause I know he is there to help and does help me which is probably where the attraction is coming from.

I’m going to deal with this in my own way as I know I can deal with it easily but just wanted to be able to share my thoughts on the subject and know that it is normal and I’m not alone in the matter.

[Tweet-Heart]

Luna Eclipse

what you're experiencing is erotic transferance. It is very common.

I have not told my clinical psychologist how I feel.

I spoke to him today and said sorry for becoming defensive he said that was fine and it is all about mutual respect. I said I was scared he was going to dump me as a patient and he asked why I would think that. I told him I've been dumped before and he knows that. He reassured me and he knew I was feeling vulnerable.

He told me that we can come to an agreement regarding payment for his report, so that makes me feel less anxious now.

[Tweet-Heart]

You're not alone in this Luna Eclipse, it is normal especially when we're feeling vulnerable. I opened up to my clinical psychologist as I was feeling really vulnerable and scared and he knows I am vulnerable. They can't take advantage of you in any way as they would lose their licence, there is an inherent power imbalance in the relationship. So I guess, in a way, this offers protection and safety.

[Tweet-Heart]

The way I am dealing with it is by playing that song "I'm not love just because" a bit before my time being a mid 70s song. It is so relevant today, "it's just a simple phase I'm going through". Actually, I have an idea maybe I should serenade him with this song. Maybe then I'll continue to get bulk-billed sessions, I want to be his favourite patient I'm going to ask to be his favourite.

[Tweet-Heart]

Seriously, this isn't a joke. I'm experiencing so much turmoil and distress which I don't need. This is not his fault but I don't want to be feeling the way I am. I can't tell him because he will have to end therapy he will have no choice. The fact I had to go 2 months without seeing him due to being homeless is not ok either. I am really stuck and don't know what to do.

[Tweet-Heart]

Can anyone give me advice about what to do, I want to tell him but can't and now I am feeling really scared and even more vulnerable. Should I tell my GP? if I do does this mean he will have to tell my clinical psychologist?

I can't just bottle this up it's starting to feel very intense and thinking about him in this way is the only way to comfort myself. I trust him so much he makes me feel very safe and I am now very attached and dependant on him.

[james1]

Hello Tweet-heart,

It sounds like you feel like you really need to get it out but you are afraid of what might happen.

May I ask where you heard that he would have to end the sessions? I have never heard of that, as it was (in my case) a good topic for us to talk about.

I think telling your GP could be a good idea too if you are uncertain.

James