I broke up with my therapist - she won't let me go.

[Hushlings]

Hey,

I broke up with my therapist just over a week ago due to our therapy becoming stagnant and my inability to move forward in my recovery. I had been seeing her for six months and felt from the start that perhaps we weren't a great fit, however wanted to take some time to give our therapeutic relationship a chance. Over the last couple of months, I lost all motivation in attending my appointments and found I was dissociating during the sessions I would make the effort to go in for. It was then I knew that not only was it best for me that we closed this chapter, but also for her, knowing that there could be a client that really gels with her on the waiting list that could get a lot out of her support.

So I sent her a text and asked for a final session to wrap-up our time together. She obliged and everything seemed fine - we had our session and said our goodbyes and well wishes. I felt incredibly proud that I advocated for myself and was honest in my feedback. However, the next day she sends me a text informing me that she decided she wants to continue seeing me because she cares for me, and so had reserved two appointments to get back into the swing of things. I was completely taken aback. I thought we had both mutually agreed and accepted that we had finished up. I messaged her back the following day thanking her for her kind words and for offering to continue seeing me, but that I was content on leaving things where they were. I reminded her I have my GP and dual diagnosis counsellor to support me until I find someone new, and that I would appreciate if she cancelled the appointments and closed my file. She responded today informing me she would not cancel the appointments and would still like to see me.

This whole situation has impacted further on my mental health and I just don't know what to do. There's only so many times I can politely ask her to close my file. Any advice would be super appreciated.

[mmMekitty]

Hello Hushlings

So, you are not wanting to see this therapist anymore & have let her know. That's all you need to do - usually. You don't need to explain why, but very generously you have. If she books appointments for you, you don't have to attend. If she sees no-one for those appointments, that's her problem. If her feelings for you are such that she has a problem with you wanting to end your time with her, then she ought to deal with thet herself, with a therapist of her own, perhaps - that's her choice as well.

It seems you've made your decision, explained it, had the final session you had asked for, so now, as always, you are free to go on your own way. It might help now, if you block her number, just like blocking scam callers, so she can't contact you anymore. 

Depending upon which state or territory she works from & what type of therapist she is, you may be able to make a formal complaint if she continues to contact you. Rather than give details here on the forums, you might like to give BB Counsellors a call on 1300 224 636 for more advice.

All the best,

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[therising]

Hi Hushlings

Could be wrong but I can't help but wonder whether you cutting ties has triggered her to open her mind more. Kind like she's had a couple of new ideas when it comes to what's been a stagnant and unhelpful therapy to date. Perhaps she's had a light bulb moment or 2 and can't help but want to share. As I say, could be wrong.

I think with some therapists, they can be 'by the book' kind of people until someone leads them to put the book down and get a better feel for what the client actually needs. Every client holds 'teaching' potential for a therapist. Some will practice the same relatively useless techniques, from their uni books right through to the end of their career, whereas other will realise at some point that going by the book (those uni books they learned from) serves them more than it does the client.

If she continues to contact you, might pay to say to her 'Unless something's changed dramatically, I can't see me returning will produce any difference. Thanks again for your care and concern but I just need to continue looking for what will work for me personally'.

[Serenity22]

She’s being unprofessional. She’s not respecting your boundaries. You are very well spoken, and I suspect one of her favourite patients because you are self Aware and more or less do the work yourself. You could let the Psychiatric Association or AMA, any relevant body. You could tell your GP. You could do both. Personally, I would just be flattered and laugh it off. For a therapist not to respect boundaries or not take no for an answer is the one with the issues. She worked for you. You terminated her employment very sweetly and respectfully and she’s said “no”… I’m in charge? She’s a nutter. Run. And tell your new therapist. If they think it’s unethical, that’s a good sign they are normal.