How long did it for medication to work for you

[ribbonwhite]

Just wanting to see how long it took to notice a change once starting medication? 

I'm only at day six but I feel like I'm getting worse. All I want to do is sleep because I don't want to be in "reality" the anxiety hasn't died down. I feel like my heart is about to jump out of my chest, its so bad it hurts. I feel like my whole body is shaking and having "tick" like sensations. I must add this was all here before starting medication.

Ive been prescribed two different medications is anyone able to give feed back?

Prescribed for helo in treatment for PTSD

TIA 

[ribbonwhite]

Thanks for your reply PatT

I suppose with the medication it will just have to come down to trial and error. One of the medications is a sedative to help me get off to sleep but so far I haven't had any luck with that helping. I haven't tried CBT. I spent two years with a DV Counsellor six months with a sexual assult counsellors and six sessions with a psychologist. They helped for a while. But then I could feel it all building up again. This time being the worst and could only be described as having a "break down" I really feel at a loss because I don't see how anything can help me anymore. I am trying to take each day as it comes, but I can't help but think "what am I doing here all my life has been is hurt and trauma" I am trying to stay strong for my son. I know how much he needs me. I suppose I just don't see that light anymore


 

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[Ladyhawke]

Dear ribbonwhite,

​When I first began seeing a psychiatrist, 20 years ago, he suggested that until I stabilised, I should simply concentrate on getting by, one hour at a time, and viewing that as a small achievement. It began to make sense after about 2 weeks. I had tended to negatively project ahead to days, weeks and months until I felt I was suffocating with anxiety. I'm sure you're psychiatrist can be of great help with this type of behaviour modification when you see him.

I think it's terrific that you've attempted to set yourself a goal to go to the gym. Just don't beat yourself up if you don't always make it - the gym will still be there tomorrow or the day after that - try not to feel like a failure. You're going through hell - you're entitled to lapse every now and then.

My anxiety began at the age of five, when I started school. I was a highly sensitive child, suffered severe separation anxiety and was raised in a very dysfunctional family environment. The depression kicked in when I was about 9.

My anxiety had an enormous impact on friendships and relationships men. I've had two long-term relationships with men and both were married. My anxiety prevented me establishing relationships with single men because it worried me that it may lead to marriage and me being trapped. I have never had what would be considered a "normal" male/female relationship. My romantic involvements only lasted because both men were unattainable. I enjoy male company enormously, but strictly on a platonic level. I came to the realisation about 6 years ago that I would never have a life partner which sent my depression spiralling for about a year. I gradually came to accept the situation and now my view is "life is what it is". Like you, I have a very small network of friends who I see fairly infrequently.

Interestingly, I have developed a correspondence on these forums with another female anxiety sufferer over the last few months. She is in her late 20s and has also had severe anxiety for many years. Last week, she brought up the subject of relationships and her complete inability to form relationships with males due to her anxiety. I was surprised, but I also think it must be reasonably common for many people ( male and female) with severe anxiety disorders to be unable to bond with others in the "normal" manner.

I hope this has been a bit helpful. Don't hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or just feel like a bit of reassurance.

Regards

LH

[ribbonwhite]

Thanks for your response ladyhawke

My anxiety started as a teenager at the time I couldn't associate it with anything. It was once becoming an adult and having a child of my own I could put it down to growing up with a narcissistic mother. All my life I have walked on egg shells. I did start to question why she treated me the way she did around the age of 15 her response to that was calling the police and getting me put in a 48 psych hold. (She had told the police I had been violent to her. Which I hadn't) from that she then went to the doctors and reckoned she had numerous mental health issues arise because of me. Growing up everything was "my fault", her marriage to my father ended because of me (she was pregnant with me at the time of seperation) her "illnesses" were because of me and so on. By putting me in the pshyc hold and going to the doctor for the mental health issues I "caused" she was then able to get a disability pension. Just in time before her payments would be cut off because I would be turning 16 convenient hey? So I suppose all my life I have done stuff to try and please others hoping that it would prevent others telling me I was a terrible person like my mother did on a daily basis. That's why I believe today that I have been in two DV relationships. The second one was very violent and happens to be the father of my child. I have had a couple of short term relationships since him but they ended quickly due too various reasons. Then there is the one that ended a couple of weeks ago. To me it finally felt like I was in a "normal" relationship. Everything was going along perfectly we got along great. And then suddenly out of nowhere he ended. I can't help but think it was due to my PTSD and anxiety but I will never know. I can't help but think that I will never having a loving normal long term relationship. But I can't blame the guy for that, who would want to be with someone so broken. The psychiatrist said my longing for family and loving partner is a lot higher than most because I've never experienced having loving parents or a partner that's treated me right. I feel stupid for wanting something so badly that in reality is probably never going to happen.

[Ladyhawke]

Hi again ribbonwhite, 

​Although my mother did not go to those extremes, she was a very unwell woman mentally who denied she had any issues and seemed to take pleasure in inflicting emotional and psychological abuse. From what I have told my psychiatrist, it seems she had a number of severe personality disorders. I understand, after 20 years of therapy, that her long-term emotional/psychological abuse is the major reason why I was never able to form normal relationships. She passed 21 years ago and all I feel is relief; she should never have had children.  She was the reason that I decided, in my early 20s, that I would never have children. I was worried that her behaviour may have been genetic and that if I had a child I may have ended up treating them in the same manner. There was never any consistency with her and this contributed enormously to my distrust of people and consequently my anxiety/depressive disorders.

I was also a "pleaser" - always wanting people to like me but always feeling rejected.

I'm sorry your relationship ended suddenly; that would certainly send your anxiety levels through the roof and really give your self-confidence a major shake-up.  If it was only a few weeks ago, you may still be experiencing the shock from the sudden ending.

It's odd that when we start out in life, we have certain expectations of how life will go. It comes as one hell of a shock when, bit by bit, those expectations are chipped away and we find ourselves very different to what our younger selves were. I suppose there is some comfort in the fact that this is the human condition. 

I am very glad that you have the professional support of your psychiatrist. I was very fortunate to eventually find someone who was the right fit for me and have been seeing him weekly for the past 14 years. I consider myself very fortunate to have his support.

I hope the next few days are tolerable. Contact me whenever you wish, even if you just feel like venting to someone. I would be interested to know how you feel after you see your psychiatrist on Wednesday. Don't feel as though you are an imposition if you need to make contact. We've all been through the wringer here on the forums and by helping someone else, we usually end up gaining a little more insight into our own issues.

Best wishes,

LH

[ribbonwhite]

Hi again ladyhawke

Its amazing how much damage is done growing up with parent/parents that really shouldnt be. I have had no contact now for just over two years. She(mother) on the other hand still tries. her punishment to me for cutting contact was putting in an affidavit to the family court saying I was abusing my son and that my sons abusive alcoholic father was a saint. Luckily for me the judge could see right through her and in his findings mentioned she should never been a parent and in final orders it states no family members are able to have contact with my son. I still get the occasional threatening / abusive message from her now and then. She just can't help herself. Narcissists don't understand no contact or boundries. 

It saddens me that you felt it best not to have children. But I understand as this is a fear of mine with my own son. But I also know that I am nothing like her because everything I do is for my son. She is all about what she can get where I am all that I can give. 

I just had a conversation with a friend that had an absolutely horrific upbringing about opening up to a partner or potential partners about whats happened. We are both agreed to not. It changes the way someone sees you. They treat you differently. I've found they either think they can also get away with treating you the same way or they just can't handle it so they walk away. I'd like to think it wasn't this way but I've seen it first hand. 

I had a psychologist tell me that I would never be able to have a stable relationship. Maybe he was right. 

I'm pleased for you that you have found the right psychologist. Do you find this slightly comforting? 

regards rw

[Ladyhawke]

Dear ribbonwhite,

​Firstly, I must apologise for not responding earlier. My elderly father has been quite ill and I have been completely preoccupied with his care.

I completely understand you not having contact for two years. It's sad and unfortunate, but I regret not limiting the amount of contact I had with my mother whilst she was alive.

I'm glad that you have a close friend who had a similar set of circumstances to deal with. It makes a huge difference to be able to share experiences with someone you trust.

I'm not a mental health professional, however, I really feel the need to take issue with what your previous psychologist told you about you never being unable to form a future stable relationship.  Not only do I find that incredibly insensitive, I also find it an unbelievably negative thing to say. It's a terribly defeatist statement  to make to someone who is feeling fragile. Have you brought this remark up with your current psychiatrist? I would do so; each therapist has their own take on these issues and it may bring a little light into your situation.

Yes, I saw four psychiatrists before finding my current doctor. It makes an enormous difference to know that he really understands me. He is incredibly supportive and I am very grateful to have him in my life.

I would be interested to know how things are going with your own psychiatrist. 

Again, I'm very sorry for not responding sooner and I look forward to hearing from you.

Kind regards

LH

[ribbonwhite]

Hi lh 

No need to apoligise. I hope your father is ok.

 I thank you for still taking the time to reply.

I haven't taken it up with my psychiatrist as yet. But I will as he has a better understanding of PTSD. I was meant to have an appointment with him yesterday afternoon but my son came down with gastro yesterday morning. Due to not being able to go to work. And having time off to get my self better I unofficially was fired yesterday. (Was told I was being taken off the roster all together with no actual return date) even though medical certificates have been provided. So now this has been another major set back. Especially at this time of year. 

I hope you are well

Regards rw

[Ladyhawke]

Dear rw, 

I'm so very sorry about your work situation; I really feel for you. I know what it's like to be expected to carry on when all you feel like doing is curling up in a ball.  I can only imagine how difficult it must be dealing with such a situation when you have a child.

I realise people in business need to keep things turning over, but I still cannot comprehend the lack of compassion when others are genuinely unwell and provide documented support.  I am aware of three other people who have been in a smilar situation - two also had children. They eventually all found their feet, but it was difficult for a little while.

I understand you have provided documented support of you illness to your employer.  I wonder if you could perhaps ask your psychiatrist to make direct contact (via telephone) with your employer/human resources manager to discuss the issue. Is that something worthwhile, do you think? I would definitely give it a go, were it me, but then I tend to be a little aggressive in these sorts of matters.

I can understand how you must feel like you've had the stuffing knocked out of you.

My psychiatrist told me, a while ago, to try to view everything, especially negative experiences, as temporary. It did take a while to sink in, and I don't always remember his words, but when I can, acknowledging that everything is in a constant state of flux and is not permanent has been enormously helpful. 

Please keep me informed, if you're up to it. I'm particularly interested in the progress with your psychiatrist. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, 

ladyhawke

Between appointments with your psychiatrist, do contact one of the professionals at beyondblue if you start to feel overwhelmed or your anxiety rising. With all that you're going through, missing one appointment can be a huge deal. Often speaking to a kind professional can sometimes help to avoid the negative feelings escalate.

[ribbonwhite]

Hi lh

I did seek legal advice regarding what has happened. I didn't know where I stood only being casual. But due to being there over a year and the hours I work on a regular basis I have very high grounds for unfair dismissal. I do have a meeting with my boss tomorrow morning. I have been told to not go in there and beg for my job as I have done nothing wrong. So I will see if he reinsates me. If not I will be left to lodge unfair dismissal. I have barely a cent to my name and have no savings left. He knew that I had time off for mental health reasons. But obviously only sees dollar signs and no compassion. Do you mind me asking the outcome of people you knew in his position? 

It has been a set back not making that appointment. But I have one for this week. I feel the meds are starting to take effect now. All though I forgot to take them last night, now today I am not having a good day. 

How is your father doing? I hope you are taking care of yourself aswell. I'd say you a very much like myself that cares tremendously about other but forgets about oneself. So Dont forget to take that time out for yourself. 

Regards rw

[Ladyhawke]

Hi rw,

​Well I'm very glad you've decided to "have a go" regarding the work situation. I was going to mention it, but wasn't sure where the situation was and didn't want to bring up anything that may have stressed you out further. I know it's tough to play hardball, especially if you're feeling slightly fragile, but if you are able to, stand firm and try not to take any crap. From what I can gather, you've been treated appallingly.  This person sounds as though he will continue to be clueless about employees with mental health issues unless he is "educated". I have issues with people in power abusing those they consider to have very little power (my mother issues again).

Of the three people in similar situations to yours, one was reinstated after going through mediation; one sued for unfair dismissal and was successful and the other individual was fortunate to find another, better  position after about six weeks. I am really hoping that you can prevail and achieve an outcome you're satisfied with.

Very glad the meds have begun to kick in a bit for you. Try not to be too hard on yourself if you miss the odd dose ocassionally. I have found the only way I can keep on track with my meds is to write the time and med taken in my day diary. I don't want to rely on my memory and I have found this is the only way I can be sure all meds have been taken; I've been using this system for about 15 years and it's worked well for me. So, you'll take your meds tonight and hopefully feel a little better tomorrow.

My father's health fluctuates - one day OK, the next not so good. You're absolutely right, in times of this type of stress, all thoughts of myself go out the window and I end up running on empty. I'm trying to get adequate sleep because if I'm sleep-deprived I have great difficulty functioning.

All the very best for tomorrow and try to be as strong as you can. Will be thinking of you - let me know how it goes, if you feel up to it.

Take care.

lh