Hi JaneC76
My heart truly goes out to you as you struggle with the overwhelming challenges on your journey toward greater mental health.
You sound like an incredibly conscious open minded person. Not only have you been conscious of the need for support where managing alone doesn't feel like an option, you're conscious enough to be questioning your way towards gaining reasonable answers which make sense to you. I'm wondering whether you're asking a lot of questions of your support team (your husband included). How many answers are you getting which make sense? If you are getting no answers, which is bringing you down in some way, no wonder you feel you're getting worse. Down is no place to be, especially if you want people raising you and your consciousness. If this is the case, it would be tempting to say 'People, you're taking me in the opposite direction (down instead of up) and this is not why I came here'.
While I class having an open mind as a gift, I've discovered it's a gift that needs to be carefully managed at times. When it comes to management, 2 things come to mind. The first is 'Be conscious of what you let in to an open mind' and the the 2nd 'Couple it with instinct or guidance you can trust'. Give you an example: What naturally comes to mind for you may be 'Keep the dialogue open an honest with the care team so they can resolve things faster and more easily', so this is exactly what you do. You stay open to letting things out and bringing things in, in the way of sharing understanding. People may begin to place self doubt in your mind through perhaps saying things like 'You don't need to know that, it's fine, we've got it covered' or 'We're not exactly sure what to do with you right now'. To that, intuition may inspire you to say 'I didn't come here to be kept in the dark. I need enlightenment' and 'If you're not sure, it's your job to speed this up through finding someone who is sure and who has a solid plan/direction'. One of the down sides of letting self doubt in to an open mind - it won't allow for productive confrontation or progress.
Jane, like you I'm a 'feeler'. I tend to trust my feelings and wonder about them, what they're telling me. Trusting your feelings in order to manipulate a situation can sometimes bring about greater results: 'I feel I'm getting no answers from you, I feel like you're bringing me down, I feel no sense of direction' etc. If people shut you down, you could say 'I feel you're just not listening'.
🙂
