Help - coping techniques - role of professional helpers

[Guest_2350]

Hello,

I need help. I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD and depression. After over 20 years I have finally opened up to my GP and a psychologist, but now I can feel myself retreating in my shell and old coping techniques emerging. I know I am like that, I push people away, people that I love, when I get really upset, I do not want hugs, I do not want to talk about things, I just want to be left alone. I find it extremly difficult to open up and ask for help. I think when I do, I will never stop crying. My eating disorder, that I have controlled for a long time, is back in full swing and I have started to think about drinking and smoking again. I just want to numb my numbness - that is probably the best way I can explain it. I can feel angry about being angry and I can feel sad about being sad, but I struggle when I get numb.

I don't think I understand the role of my GP and my psych in my way to recovery. I have managed to open up to these two people, I chose them to help me with my recovery and have decided to let them in. I see them every week. I take notes with me and am trying to be open with them. For me it is like a contract with them - I give you the fact - you help. Then I feel like I covered some ground or I feel raw. Sometimes a week drags to eternity between visits. Sometimes I call a helpline in between - where I get advised to talk to my doctors - not very helpful. I feel like I am getting worse.

Am I doing something wrong? Are they doing something wrong? Am I too impatient? What am I supposed to be doing? What is their role? How am I supposed to get through times when I cannot get hold of anyone? Am I over-analysing what should be and how I should feel?  Should I revert back into healthier coping techniques like focussed over-training and/or over-working? I have tried all of these and all of these come at a price. I feel like never posting here again, dropping the psych, changing GP, so the new one does not know about this and just burying my thoughts and feelings for as long as I can...

What are your experiences at the beginning of you journey? What has helped you and how were you being helped? Is there help???

Thank you.

[Sophie_M]

Hi yggy,

It is not uncommon for the process of therapy to be at times confronting. You get to know the therapist or GP, you begin to feel more comfortable in their care, and you begin to open up more about your life, your relationships, your coping; you slowly reveal more about yourself.  But sometimes after doing this you can feel more vulnerable, or as you describe it, raw – not because of how your therapist or GP reacts, but because you have opened yourself up to someone else.

People often get to this point in therapy and decide to move on, change therapist or to stop therapy altogether, but in fact, it is important to view this time as an opportunity to do something different this time. Stick with it, talk it through with your therapist and GP, and build up your ability to work through your feelings and thoughts. See it as a chance to learn new things about yourself; see it as an opportunity to identify and build upon your strengths.

You have asked a range of questions in your post, one of them being; Am I doing something wrong? From what you have said though it sounds like you are doing what you need to do – but perhaps your expectations of how therapy will help needs some readjusting. Perhaps it is important to see therapy as a process – it offers you support, ideas, a sounding board and some direction about how to manage your thoughts and feelings in a more helpful way. But, depending upon your issues, it is important to remember that change takes time. You will see benefits along the way; you will notice improvements in your wellbeing, but it is something that will happen over time and it does take some hard work and persistence from you.  It’s bit like when you set a goal to improve your fitness; it takes time, commitment and hard work but the benefits are immense.

And what about when you are in between therapy sessions? What do you do if you are overwhelmed? This is another important conversation to have with your therapist and GP. Often people come up with their own ‘coping plan’; it essentially provides a bit of a guide to work through when you are struggling.  It should include things you can do, people you can talk to, and perhaps even some reminders about how you will cope, how you are recovering and what you have achieved so far. Again the focus needs to be on how you can manage things in a different way rather than how you can you make the overwhelming things ‘go away’.  Thinking about things in this way  helps you to remember that you can positively influence how you are feeling by changing the way you approach a problem.

Yggy, keep posting and let us share our ideas, encourage you and sometimes perhaps challenge you. Our experiences of recovery may be varied but we share a common goal here to listen and support each other because we know that recovery is possible, that we can experience a better sense of wellbeing, and that having support along the way is essential.

Take care yggy.

[Guest_2350]

Hi Sophie,

thank you for your reply. It will take me time to fully understand it, I have read it several times. To open up about my life and challenges is tricky for me and yes it does make me feel raw. I am also scared about the future, scared that my life will change or I will not be able to cope with day-to-day challenges. I am glad what you said  about sticking with my GP and therapist - it would feel such a waste of time to get started all over again and it takes me time to trust.

I think so far I have believed that I give them the problem and they fix it - I guess that is not their job? Perhaps there is not even anything to fix, we cannot fix the past? I fully agree with fitness goals, but there is a trainings plan you can work to - where for me all this seems so random. I cannot steer my flashbacks and mood swings. I also struggle to see how far I have come - I don't get faster, jump higher or run longer distances...

Yes, I want it all to go away and I am starting to understand that it will not, but I want to learn how to cope and get some of the quality back in my life that I lost. I will stick with it for just a little bit longer at least - limiting my commitment always helps me to give it a try.

 I would really love to talk to a friend of mine or my husband, but I just don't know how and I don't want to get hurt. I am tired of wearing a mask, but I have been here before, with other friends in another life.

Thanks again, Yggy

[huge]

Hey yggy,

Really sorry to hear about what you're going through sounds really tough,

I can relate to what you're frustration here feeling as though you're not getting anywhere with the psych/gp. What I can offer you by way of advice from my own experience is that it is really important to be seeing a psych that you feel comfortable with and that you connect with personally, which can be a struggle to find but certainly will be out there. I imagine that proper directed cognitive or other type of therapy would be very helpful rather than just consultations, or even perhaps considering medication. You may find you are surprised at how quickly things can turn around if you are able to find the right help, which I assure you is possible!

Its definitely totally okay to feel overwhelmed by all your feelings and I also understand the desire to just keep it inside but believe me once you can find a bearable way to let it all out constructively you'll appreciate how much better that is for you! All easier said than done of course, but none of this needs to be done without the help of a professional who really knows what they are doing.

 Coming from someone who's been at a point where I really believed there was no way for things to ever get better, trust me, while perhaps I can't relate to your personal situation, I assure you that if you stay strong and keep trying to find the way you'll get there

Hope this has been at least somewhat helpful! Take care

[Guest_2350]

Hi huge,

thanks for your reply, it really helps me to hear from people who have been there. I feel better at the moment and a bit of my fighting spirit has returned, but I think it is worth it for me to talk to my GP about the concerns I have with my psychologist and also about what I can/should expect out of therapy.

I've been thinking about Sophie's post for a bit and I think I have to work on several issues. Yes, I have built a bit of a relationship with my psych, but I am just not sure. We have discussed things and then there is no follow up and I am also worried to start exposure therapy when I am not sure where my safety net is. I can send text messages, but receive replies days later, I am just scared. I am also worried about starting with a new psychologist, what if I waste years looking for a different psychologist???

On the other hand I am starting to realise that I will have to do the hard work as well - I think I expected everyone to make the bad feeling go away. But I am hoping to get a training plan. I would like to see my relationship with a psychologist like with my personal trainer (exercise) - just for the head. With my personal trainer I receive a trainings plan and I also send updates via email, or questions, but I still need to do the hard work. The personal trainer answers my questions or even adjusts my program if I cannot cope - also mid week and outside scheduled appointments. In the trainings session we work a bit harder or work on my skills so I can progress the next week. Is this something I could expect from a psychologist? I think that concept would work well. I am a good little worker and I can follow plans well - as soon as I trust the person who gives me the plan.

Is this something realistic to expect? Thanks, Yggy