Grief and the HSC

[crepuscolo]

Hey guys - first post here

I'm not too sure what forum this classifies under, but here it is.

My father passed away a month and a bit ago, while in the middle of trials. I am usually a high achieving student, but the past few weeks have been impossible to focus. Now, the HSC is 45 days away, and I have a big exam at the end of this month.

I really don't know how to juggle the HSC and grief 😞 my dad and I were best friends so it hurts all the more.

Thank you, and stay safe.

C

[missep123]

Hi crepuscolo,

I am so sorry for your loss, truly, it sounded like you had an amazing relationship. I completely understand that it would be so hard to focus on exams when you go through something like that. As someone who was also a high achieving student- studies were my complete life focus so when something happens to your family your complete focus shatters.

My first question would be do you have a good support system at school? Would there be someone you can speak to about this? Honestly it would be incredibly difficult to study when you are grieving, I really hope there is something your school can do to help you.

I wish I knew exactly what to say but please continue to reach out on the forums because we are here for you. I don't want you to feel alone.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Allow me to extend my deepest sympathies.

I do know what you are experiencing as my dad was a wonderful man. He passed in 1992.

There is some ideas others and myself have to get you through.

• Set aside times each day for grief. Think about him, write some things down even a simple poem (see below).
• Switch your mindset (see the link below) in that you do the opposite of what your mind is wanting
• Set aside time to connect with others like friends and family to talk about your father
• Pick out a plant in the garden and dedicate it to your dad. Touch it daily. Bit like dedicating a star at night time.
• Use a bad situation for motivation. Eg tell yourself he'd want you to try your best.
• Seek out motivation videos. A link is below.
• Accept that grief takes a long time to process. That time has no limit, it is an individuals limit. I'm still grieving 29 years later.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/switching-mindsets

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/meditation---words-of-wisdom---...

TO KISS HIS TEMPLE

There were some things I knew as taboo
to express my love but to question who?
to touch the pale face of my dad back then
when touching taboo...when "men were men"

For boys were male and "you cant do that"
jealous of my sister and that is that
that man couldnt hug his son for how he was seen
nowadays if you hugged your son- well, you'd be relieved.

And so my dad the salt of the land
wouldnt touch me even by hand
he knew he loved me and I him
with a wink of an eye from under his brim

Then that day we all regret came along
where watery eyes was met by song
and there he lie with an eerie smile
I be alone with him for just a while.

As I stroked his forehead cool to touch
I raised my head automatically as such
to kiss his temple of which I dare
I knew his mind was well aware.

Of all the kisses I missed
they gathered together in just one kiss
finally as his spirit rose and went
he left his love and hugs were spent

I never craved again heart be blessed
that tradition of males their love expressed
a kiss on his forehead way back then
ended an era when "men were men"....

Tony

Good luck, repost anytime as it will make you feel better. I'm here most days and others might chip in also.

TonyWK

[Sophia16]

Hi,

I am really sorry about what you are going through. It must be so difficult and hard. That was my worst nightmare in year 12.

I feel really sad reading that. I have heard that there is an illness and misadventure form you can fill. https://educationstandards.nsw.edu.au/wps/portal/nesa/11-12/hsc/rules-and-processes/illness-misadven...

Seeing a psychologist can really help you cope with your grief as well as helping you get back up to become your best self.

Please stay safe and I am here to chat if you need me.

[crepuscolo]

Hi, thank you. So i have a therapist at Headspace but i haven't found it really helpful.

With friends, I have had a lot of friendship issues over the years. I have a couple of friends that initially checked up on me, but my best friend had done a few hurtful, neglecting things and that pushed me into a depression. i feel like i have no one but i have one friend who doesn't check her messages that much but she is happy to help. so yes, i do, but not that great of one.

[crepuscolo]

thank you, that list is very helpful.

yeah i'm trying to journal and that has helped to an extent. and with the duration of grief, that's one of the most daunting things.

[crepuscolo]

thank you, it means a lot.

i have applied for personal illness (anxiety) and the one you have linked (H01A) however that probably won't even get me much. I am trying to get into law as it is my dream

thank you for your support. stay safe too 🙂

[missep123]

Hi crepuscolo,

I'm sorry to hear that you haven't really found your therapist at Headspace to be helpful. Have you potentially thought about trying to see a different one? Sometimes it is all about trying to find the right fit to find someone who truly will listen and make you feel understood.

I hope you feel supported here on the meantime and that your application for anxiety gets approved for the HSC.

With grief a friend of mine told me a great analogy: she said grief can be like a huge ball in a small box with a pain button. As the ball is huge, it will touch the pain button often. Through time the ball gets smaller but sometimes it will still roll on the pain button.

I really related to that.

We are definitely here for you!

[Sophia16]

I am sure you will get into law. Just believe in yourself and work as hard as you can. Even if you don't get the mark you need, there are sooo many pathways!