Got a question related to mental health? ASK DR KIM

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

This is a thread for asking questions of our resident GP and counsellor, Dr Kim, who pops into the forums regularly.

PLEASE NOTE as per our community rules, Dr Kim won't be able to answer questions about medications, these are best discussed offline directly with your mental health professional.

UPDATE - 01/03/2018
BEFORE YOU ASK DR.KIM PLEASE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING POINTS:

• Dr Kim's time is limited! We cannot provide an ongoing dialogue with Dr Kim in this thread - one post/question per person please
•  We'd recommend you have a look through the forums before posting here to see if your question has already been answered by Dr Kim, our other members, or if there's information about it already on the beyondblue website. If a question pops up that has already been answered previously, or if alternate resources are available, one of our moderators will reply and direct you to the link.
• When writing your question, imagine you are speaking to someone in person i.e. provide a clear and detailed post with enough information that outlines how Dr.Kim can help you.

Background

After 20 years of experience working as a GP, Dr Kim realised in 2003 the aspect of her work she enjoyed most was talking to people and understanding the way they think and behave – and so she underwent training in counselling and therapy, where she now solely works.

Her experience includes working with a wide range of mental health issues including anxiety, depression and adolescent mental health.

“Given my training I also see couples, siblings, parents with their children and entire family groups,” she says. “In this work I hope to give families the skills to understand one another and have the strategies to communicate and manage relationships that are distressing them. I believe strongly that best therapy is achieved when there is trust in the therapist's ability but also their genuine desire to understand and help.”

[anonymousbear]

Hey,
I am very hesitant to seek help as I feel like its all in my head that I believe something is wrong. But I want to ask if I require professional help;
On a daily basis I find myself a normal teenager. But it seems like the smallest thought, sight, smell or sound can inflict intense feelings of sadness and/or anger. I am often very confused as to why I am on the verge of tears, it seems like for no reason. These feelings pass then return again within seconds in some cases but longer in other situations. I often go quiet and refuse to talk to people because I believe I am a problem and I don't want to ruin anyone's day.
Sometimes it feels like people are laughing at me or talking about me behind my back, this causes me to become embarrassed and upset although I don't really know. I feel sick a lot of the time and my hands shake.
At home I am always agitated and grumpy. I am unmotivated. It feels like I cry every night and my brain just doesn't stop thinking. It's like everything that has ever happened past, present and future is being processed in my mind from every angle and I over analyze social situations and this makes me very upset. I feel like people don't like me, I feel hopeless and annoying. Like I'm not important because whenever I talk people ignore me so I feel unheard.
I really hope I can finally figure it out, this has been occurring for 2 years now and I am tired of feeling like this. I don't like the person I am, it's not who I want to be.

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Anonymousbear
I have a funny feeling that what you may be experiencing might be a form of anxiety.

There are a few clues in there that give me a hint that it may be . Things like feeling sick and your hands shaking . these are often physical manifestations of adrenaline that is excreted in response to our minds being “on alert” or anxious. Of course we were given this response to save us from real dangers , but it often “ misfires” and fires off in response to things that are not intact “real” dangers. For example , for you , it could be the believe that people are thinking badly of you.

You also mention that your mind doesn’t “stop thinking” and you “ over analyse” . These are typical symptoms of an overactive anxious mind.

The mood becoming low is not surprising if you have been stuck in this confusing mental loop for some time. It is naturally pretty upsetting and aggravating to feel insecure a lot of the time . I often find that when people get low, they are often pretty irritable, grumpy and emotionally up and down.

So , although I cant diagnose you over one internet post , I really think you should get properly assessed as it is absolutely treatable. Please see your school counsellor , your GP, speak to your family or go to a Headspace centre for further evaluation. If you live very remotely and want more information, please start with https://www.eheadspace.org.au/

Dont put off getting help any longer!

[Mack06]

Hi Dr Kim

Do you have any good suggestions about how to deal with anxiety at work?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Mack, 

We thought we'd answer this one instead as beyondblue has an entire resource dedicated to anxiety in the workplace! 

Have a look through the Headsup website here.

Hope it helps. 

[c_juliana]

To anyone concerned.
I desperately need psychological help and can no longer keep fighting.
I have no access to medicare or money, is there any available options.

Thank you.

[blondguy]

Hi c.juliana

Welcome and good on you for having the courage to post too!

Dr Kim is a Qualified General Practitioner that answers queries when she can during the week for Beyond Blue

You are more than welcome to post on any of the anxiety/depression threads about what you are going through

If you are stuck and need assistance Beyond Blue have super gentle counselors available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636

I am not aware of the pain (anxiety/depression) you are going through but there are also many kind people on the forums that provide you with support

Please let us know how you are please

My kind thoughts

Paul

[EllsieElizabeth]

Hi Dr Kim,

Questions: Is it me/my anxiety or is it my boss/workplace? Will quitting and finding a new job relieve my anxiety? Or will I find the same anxiety issues/be unhappy where ever I go?

Details: I am in my mid 20s and I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. My anxiety goes up and down; really bad for months, then really good for months/years. For the last few years I have been pretty good, hardly any anxiety attacks, that was until recently when I was blindsided in my 3 month probation review at my new job. I thought I was doing an excellent job and meeting expectations, the review was not good, basically saying my professionalism and attendance were the only things I was meeting expections on, none of my other tasks I have completed successfully were mentioned. She has extended my probation for another 3 months and review from there. Now I feel I can’t trust my boss, I feel like because I wasn’t her pick (HR and her boss picked me) I will never be good enough, she is terrible at communicating (example: every Friday at around 4pm I get an urgent request to sort something which takes hours to sort, I am meant to finish at 4pm) she also never gives feedback even when I ask for it.

From that day of the review I have anxiety attacks every morning, and have anxiety 100% of my days. I can hardly eat, I am not sleeping very well; go to sleep at midnight, up at 2am, go back to sleep at 4am, alarm for work at 6am. I can never stop thinking about work/meeting expectations, can’t stop thinking about all the things I’ve stuffed up, can’t focus properly, and it is effecting my long term relationship with my boyfriend. Basically, I feel overwhelmed 100% of the time. Work have set out too many daily tasks to fit into my schedule, and I have raised this with my boss and HR asking for assistance and I receive no support. My boss also never has time to catch up or have a meeting with me and she is always out of the office. I also do huge hours, overtime not paid (salary) and I feel like I am being set up to fail.

To add to my work stresses my dad is about to die from cancer, last few weeks of his life. I haven’t had the mental strength to see him for a few months now, he has brain cancer and is hugely different to the father I use to know...he’s pretty confused, has no hair or beard, plus in a wheel chair.

I want to quit work now, but I can’t due to depts. So I have to suck it up, but I am really struggling and need guidence.

[Dr_Kim]

Firstly , I want to say how sorry I am to hear about your father . It must be really hard to bear witness to his decline and to feel that you haven’t had the mental strength to support him in the way you ideally would have liked.

I want to offer you a couple of thoughts.

Firstly, go easy on yourself . You are only in your mid 20s and you don't have to have it all together. You are have displayed some incredible resilience already in that you have managed to deal with the anxiety rollercoaster pretty effectively for a long time. However, anxiety is not so easily contained forever and it will tend to pop up and give you a hard time now and then. Sometimes it does it at times of obvious stress and other times it seems to just pop put of the blue ( which is also really annoying for people).

In your situation there are 2 glaringly obvious stressors - your job AND your dad. 

To manage this I think of what you can change and what you cannot change .

So, lets start with your Job . What can you change? You cant make your boss be kinder or more supportive or a better mentor or a better communicator.  All you have power over is yourself - your thoughts and actions.  So, think about what it is that you feel has merit in anything that she said or if there is anything that you think needs changing in order to manage her expectations. If so act on it , if not , trust your gut.

I DONT think you should have no boundaries and allow her to encroach inappropriately on your time after hours or make you feel like a failure. I wonder if there is a way that you might secure some regular guidance / mentorship. You may even start by saying that you have been thinking a lot about the review and would like to do better and fulfil expectations but given you felt you were already on track you clearly need some guidance so that at the next 3 months review, things are better. Is there someone else in the company who might be able to mentor you if she is time poor?

If the only way they expect you to “prove yourself” is by doing loads of unpaid after hours, I would totally understand if you started looking for other employment as that does sound very unfair to me . I would feel that your anxiety would be totally justified if you feel that you are being taken advantage of in a major way without any real endeavour to support you. I know there is a certain amount of having to “suck things up” in a workplace … but NOT at the expense of your mental health . 

You also need to put in place ALL the things that help you deal with anxiety - exercise , good sleep, therapy , relaxation, healthy eating - whatever you have done in the past the works for you. See your GP to help with these things if you cant get it sorted. 

We need to get back to your dad . I dont know much about your relationship with him and every child / parent r/ship is unique so there are no “rules” of how to manage this . However , I would suggest that you do think about not letting this silly boss who will mean nothing to you in years to come rob you of some time with your dad. Write down some precious memories, some things that you will remember about him , some things you are grateful that he taught you or allowed you to see. When you spend time with him… if you can think about these things you have written… and if you are brave enough , even tell him . 
You cant change your dad’s illness and impending loss , but you can have some meagre control over how you say good-bye .

So dont quit but put boundaries up , dont take on the work at 4 pm Friday . Say firmly “ I”m really sorry but I need to go spend time with my terminally ill father, this will wait until Monday . Have a good weekend”. Value yourself and others may value you more too. If they dont, move on. 

 

[EllsieElizabeth]

Thanks Dr. Kim.

You are very helpful and it feels great to get some support.

What I can change? Yes I believe my actions and thoughts can change, but I often feel I have no control over the anxiety. It almost feels like dread when I think about work or having to speak with certain people at work. I believe I need a new job, that is something I can change. I have been applying like wild but no real hits as of yet.

They are totally taking advantage of me at this job and I have never experienced this kind of unpaid overtime and lack of support before. They gave me an ‘improvement plan’ to work off where they set out scheduled training, scheduled meeting dates and a daily task list. But they have not given me any training, only under 5minutes here or there, no meetings have gone ahead and I have brought up multiple times I cannot fit all tasks into my schedule, and they just write it down and never action my request.

I think the lack of sleep and appetite has left me with poor judgement so I am allowing them to treat me this way. That is something I am going to have to really work on. But again I am not getting much sleep because I am working after hours because I have a deadline everyday/multiple times a day.

Currently working interstate and working even bigger hrs then normal. 7am till 6pm then like 8pm till 11pm. I only get paid for 7.5hrs a day.

I would like to spend some time with my father, but I feel a breakdown will overtake me if I do. I can’t handle any more stress. My parents live 3hrs away and I feel I am already exhausted by the time it’s the weekend, but I really need to do it. My dad and I had the best relationship my whole life, I am his princess and can’t do anything wrong in his eyes. My mum and I often clash though because she is codependent which I refuse to handle any more.

[Tim_S]

Hi Dr Kim,

I wanted to get your opinion on episodes I have been experiencing over the past 4 years. I have had some Dr’s believe it may be vestibular neuritis and others believe it is stress related.

I have not been able to work out what triggers the episodes and have a variety of symptoms during episodes which some are consistent and others only come occasionally. These episodes can last 20mins or for a few hours.

Consistent symptoms are: headaches, uncontrollably yarning, pain in my chest, heat running up my neck, ear canals warm and dizziness.

Ocassional symptoms: tinnitus, week legs, itchy skin around my chin, pins and needles in my right arm, back pain as exceptional tired.

I am an anxious person that often thinks about all the possible things that can go wrong and can become fixated on comments by others for days sometimes. At times my frustration can completely take over me when stressed and I feel like I loose control of my temper. I did go onto anti depressants for a period where I rarely felt any symptoms.

Do you think that my physical symptoms may be related to my anxiety or could it be vestibular neuritis?