Got a question related to mental health? ASK DR KIM

Chris_B · ‎23-08-2016

Hi everyone,

This is a thread for asking questions of our resident GP and counsellor, Dr Kim, who pops into the forums regularly.

PLEASE NOTE as per our community rules, Dr Kim won't be able to answer questions about medications, these are best discussed offline directly with your mental health professional.

UPDATE - 01/03/2018
BEFORE YOU ASK DR.KIM PLEASE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING POINTS:

Dr Kim's time is limited! We cannot provide an ongoing dialogue with Dr Kim in this thread - one post/question per person please
We'd recommend you have a look through the forums before posting here to see if your question has already been answered by Dr Kim, our other members, or if there's information about it already on the beyondblue website. If a question pops up that has already been answered previously, or if alternate resources are available, one of our moderators will reply and direct you to the link.
When writing your question, imagine you are speaking to someone in person i.e. provide a clear and detailed post with enough information that outlines how Dr.Kim can help you.

Background

After 20 years of experience working as a GP, Dr Kim realised in 2003 the aspect of her work she enjoyed most was talking to people and understanding the way they think and behave – and so she underwent training in counselling and therapy, where she now solely works.

Her experience includes working with a wide range of mental health issues including anxiety, depression and adolescent mental health.

“Given my training I also see couples, siblings, parents with their children and entire family groups,” she says. “In this work I hope to give families the skills to understand one another and have the strategies to communicate and manage relationships that are distressing them. I believe strongly that best therapy is achieved when there is trust in the therapist's ability but also their genuine desire to understand and help.”

sarah_jhsbakd · ‎04-02-2017

i'm worried about my mum. we bought an old house 2-3 years ago, and we can't afford to do any of the renovations so the house isn't in the best condition. she is struggling to pay for everything, as she and my dad are divorced and he isn't a part of our life's, besides when he refuses to pay child support and help with school fees etc for me and my brother. what i'm trying to say, is that i'm really worried. lately she has been more down than usual, and is just sick of her life. she is saying she just can't see the point to life anymore, and that she isn't sure how much longer she can keep going on like this. she says this isn't how she imagined her life, and that my brother and i are the only good thing in her life, but it seems like that isn't enough. she had a boyfriend who can be wonderful for her, but he gets moody and sometimes gets in bad moods, which then leads to my mum being even worse. i don't know how to help her

kanga_brumby · ‎05-02-2017

Hi dr Kim the problems I have are various. I have type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, arthritis in both knees, Which makes it almost impossible to walk any distance, or stand to do the dishes at home. A mental health social worker, suggested I go into an age care facility. because I was having som difficulties at home, which also included cleaning myself after going to the toilet. I have requested on several occasions to see a mental health worker, with there gp. I am still waiting for that to happen. Also I have requested to see there gp then two days later I will ask again then again two days later. I have seen him recently. But I have had a very bad rash in my groin area. (Very painful) I have to chase the staff to get the location put on me if I dont remind them I dont get it.

Basically I want someone to talk to about my depression. And give me some tools to deal with it I am all alone in here. My family don't come in and visit nor do any friends.

Kanga

anonymous179 · ‎05-02-2017

Hi Dr kim,

I'm unable to explain things behind this however, I wondering About someone who been through unimaginable trauma and has been diagnosed with acute stress disorder/ ptsd, their main support person knows 110% of the traumatic experience which affect them also; is it possible for them to suffer a secondary ptsd even though they didn't witness the event?but did witness the aftermath? This person has bad anxiety it has increased since and frequent nightmares and flashbacks?

Dr_Kim · ‎07-02-2017

sarah jhsbakd said:i'm worried about my mum. we bought an old house 2-3 years ago, and we can't afford to do any of the renovations so the house isn't in the best condition.

You sound like a lovely, empathic young person to worry about your mum like this. It is really hard to see someone you love obviously struggling and being sad and not knowing what to do. It is doubly hard I think when that person is kind of the one you feel should be the strong one in the family and is not being able to be so.

I have some important advice for your family. It is important that everyone takes care of themselves. You and your brother need to be kids and your mum needs to be the parent. Its better for everyone that way.

You need time to grow up into an adult and finish school and become strong and healthy physically and emotionally so that you can support yourself and be really happy in your own life some day.

Your mum needs to be able to sort herself out so that she can feel proud of her parenting and her choices. The thing is- YOU can’t sort her out . She needs to do it. You are just a young person ( I gathered this as you are still at school) and I don't think you can take on the responsibility to make everything ok for her.

I strongly suggest that you get some support for yourself and even your family maybe via a Headspace centre or via eHeadspace if you can’t get to a centre.

You might need help to sort out how to suggest to mum the services she might need to help with her depression or financial difficulties, but please do not for a moment rob yourself of your childhood by taking on all the problems for her. It also robs her of her right to be the parent. So just encourage and support her to get as better as she can and get support where she can … but then put ALL your energy into your school work and being healthy and fit mentally and physically.

She’s not lying when she says you guys are the best things in her life - continue to work hard at being YOUR best self and allow her to continue on HER journey.

Dr_Kim · ‎07-02-2017

kanga_brumby said:
Hi dr Kim the problems I have are various. I have type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, arthritis in both knees, Which makes it almost impossible to walk any distance, or stand to do the dishes at home.

Hi there, If I understand your situation correctly , you are currently in an Aged Care Facility and have multiple medical conditions which make you physically uncomfortable but your main 2 issues are
1. not feeling cared for by the health team at the facility
2. depression and loneliness

If I am on the right track, may I suggest a couple of options..
- for the first issue. I would suggest that you make a regular appointment with your GP . Say every fortnight initially. This will give you plenty of time to get to know each other and cover any grumbling medical complaints and make sure that you feel you have a handle on things and get to know the system there at the centre.

Continue trying to get to see a mental health worker. You may also need regular scheduled consultations with the health nurse for dressings or checks on wounds or rashes . Again this allows you to get to know the staff and for them to get to know you.

- secondly, loneliness is not a good friend to depression, So I suggest you get proactive and make some changes. Can you maybe reach out to family members or old friends and suggest an outing ? a movie / a cup of tea . Waiting for them to come visit is obviously not working so ring them and ask for a visit or an outing and see if that works better.

I may also suggest looking to see if the facility you live in organises any outings for residents (some do !). Push yourself to get involved there. I’m not sure if you are physically well enough, but some people like to get involved with support groups or volunteerism. Some men have enjoyed company at Mens Shed ( http://mensshed.org ) or you might try something like an Op Shop or other volunteer opportunities (https://www.volunteeringaustralia.org )

Dr_Kim · ‎07-02-2017

anonymous179 said:
Hi Dr kim,

I'm unable to explain things behind this however, I wondering About someone who been through unimaginable trauma

Being upset after hearing about the trauma that someone else has experienced is definitely a possibility. Think about the outpouring of grief that happens after a senseless death - say like after the Lindt Cafe killing or the recent Bourke St Mall trauma. Many people who were not there, still brought flowers and letters because they felt so upset and that their feeling of safety had somehow been violated by these events. Many said things like “i just felt it could have been me".

Mental health workers who debrief people after trauma need debriefing themselves so they don’t end up mentally unwell themselves . After a young person dies, often schools provides counsellors at the school to class mates . So, I think there ar plenty of examples of people feeling upset about a trauma that happened to someone else.

With the situation you described, it seems that it is even more intense as the person you are thinking of knows the person involved directly and you knows all the details of the trauma in great detail … so I think it is not a great mystery as to how this might be affecting on this “support” person.

I suggest this support person get some help themselves . It isn’t weird at all to do that at it may help prevent longer term issues.

kanga_brumby · ‎07-02-2017

Dr kim sometimes when I request to see the gp I will have to wait two - three weeks to see him. I have requested a mental health worker on two separate occasions. No joy there either still waiting. I get rashes in the groin area. The gp writes up a script and treatment. Then I have to chase the staff to implement the treatment that is written up. Sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn't. This facility is supposed to be one of the better ones.

Amberlourob · ‎08-02-2017

Hello Dr. Kim,

i have had OCD since I was 8 (undiagnosed until I was 20) and anxiety in one form or another for as long as I can remember. I also have suffered from severe health anxiety for the last ten years which has become more of a panic disorder (focusing mainly on the fear of cancer) in the last few years due to a traumatic medical emergency shortly after the birth of my son (which resulted in an emergency hysterectomy) and a whole bunch of PTSD from that event.

Despite all this, I'm a fairly highly functioning anxious person. I have an incredible husband, beautiful child, dream job I love, I've been able to study and retain meaningful friendships and am part of a church community where I volunteer.

I have always cooperated with, and sought out help from my GP, counsellor, psychologist and psychiatrist. I've been on medication for 9 years, and although I've attempted a few times I haven't successfully come off it. I try to excersize, live a healthy lifestyle and practice prayer/mindfulness etc. I also attend a mental health support group.

here's the thing, I don't know if I'm getting better, ever. I'm doing everything I can. It's exhausting. I broke down last year and took myself to the ED where I was sent home as I didn't have a suicide plan (or that's what it seemed like). I get a little better, then a lot worse, I don't want this to be the rest of my life. I'm alive but not enjoying living. Do you think that recovery is possible? What more can I do to recover?

Sorry for how long this is, and thank you!!!

Dr_Kim · ‎09-02-2017

Amberlourob said:
Hello Dr. Kim,

i have had OCD since I was 8 (undiagnosed until I was 20) and anxiety in one form or another for as long as I can remember.

I don’t know if you have any idea how amazing you are ! You are a poster child for OCD management!!! I wish all my patients were as diligent as you are in managing their symptoms.

You are cooperative, compliant with treatment regimes including medication, you invest in your social supports & appreciate your family relationships, you exercise, hold down a job and practice mindfulness. You even attend a support group!

Honestly you are doing EVERYTHING and you should be so proud of yourself.

This is what I think of your question…

You probably have anxiety in your gene pool ( given you have had it since 8 yrs old), and maybe if you hadn’t done all this work over so many years, not only might you have worse symptoms but you might also have a life in tatters… The fact that you do all this stuff means that you hold things together, that you can be “ highly functioning” . If you didn’t , you may not be.

So, yes it is exhausting to have to work so hard just to feel OK, but the alternative is not doing it and feeling terrible. Will you ever recover to the point of not having to do any work to feel just ok ? Thats a hard question to answer. I don’t really know, but I tell people that many patients have anxiety for life, with periods of time where if doesn’t bother them so much and other periods where it really flares up and gives them a lot of trouble. Getting to the point where you can feel 100% certain that you will never have it again is unlikely - actually I don’t ANYBODY can be assured of that!

Enjoying being alive isn’t the same as not being anxious. To maximise your “enjoyment" of living .. try exploring things that really inspire you - hiking , painting, study , volunteering … or look more broadly , even at stuff like this http://www.thebookoflife.org/ for inspiration.

PS dont stress about staying on the medication. If it helps you to be your best self - stay on it.
PPS Did I say how amazing you are ?!

Drake · ‎10-02-2017

Hi Dr. Kim

I am depressed caused by being so sad. I am married with no kids. For more than 10 years being with my partner I felt the sadness lately. i feel that no care and love between us. Our life become just a routine- work-house-work. We do not talk a lot and my partner is just happy watching TV. I miss the old days that we use to be like friends. Even for a chat my partner is not interested. It has come to a point where, we always fight for non sense thing. I wanted to go out of this relationship my partner doesn't want to. But I feel so sad and empty and seems that I have no one to talk to.