Got a question related to mental health? ASK DR KIM

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

This is a thread for asking questions of our resident GP and counsellor, Dr Kim, who pops into the forums regularly.

PLEASE NOTE as per our community rules, Dr Kim won't be able to answer questions about medications, these are best discussed offline directly with your mental health professional.

UPDATE - 01/03/2018
BEFORE YOU ASK DR.KIM PLEASE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING POINTS:

• Dr Kim's time is limited! We cannot provide an ongoing dialogue with Dr Kim in this thread - one post/question per person please
•  We'd recommend you have a look through the forums before posting here to see if your question has already been answered by Dr Kim, our other members, or if there's information about it already on the beyondblue website. If a question pops up that has already been answered previously, or if alternate resources are available, one of our moderators will reply and direct you to the link.
• When writing your question, imagine you are speaking to someone in person i.e. provide a clear and detailed post with enough information that outlines how Dr.Kim can help you.

Background

After 20 years of experience working as a GP, Dr Kim realised in 2003 the aspect of her work she enjoyed most was talking to people and understanding the way they think and behave – and so she underwent training in counselling and therapy, where she now solely works.

Her experience includes working with a wide range of mental health issues including anxiety, depression and adolescent mental health.

“Given my training I also see couples, siblings, parents with their children and entire family groups,” she says. “In this work I hope to give families the skills to understand one another and have the strategies to communicate and manage relationships that are distressing them. I believe strongly that best therapy is achieved when there is trust in the therapist's ability but also their genuine desire to understand and help.”

[Ellu]

Dear Sunnyflower, I just read your post and thought I was reading about myself. I developed bi-polar disorder when I was 15 (I am 63 now) and went through the same feelings of alienation and desperation as you. I struggled to get through my VCE with no close friends and feeling isolated from the rest of the community. The most important thing for you now is to GET A DIAGNOSIS. Start with the G.P., then a psychologist or psychiatrist (preferably a psychiatrist because he/she can prescribe medication if necessary). Don't give up on yourself - there is obviously something going wrong, and the earlier you identify it and treat it the less it will affect your life. Just for your information, I went on to university and worked in paid employment, then had 4 children who are now all in their 20's. So DON'T GIVE UP - you can live a full and rewarding life provided you get control of your symptoms and work out strategies to deal with them. Insist on getting help, whatever it takes.

Good luck with the VCE, but most importantly get on top of your symptoms promptly. Best wishes!

[Sav_12]

Hi dr kim im currently trying to conceive have been for nearly a year and am on medication to help me ovulate. my anxiety and sadness has gotten out of control since being diagnosed with polycystic ovaries what should i do to cope?

[Dr_Kim]

Taurus4826 said:

How can I best support a close family member who is currently going through a really difficult time after a recent traumatic event. He has been recently diagnosed with PTSD, and is currently seriously suicidal.

Hi Taurus , Thank you for your kind words and i am truly happy to help.

You are being such a valuable resource to your family member by just knowing and not running away from the problem . You don’t always have to “say the right thing” . Even us health professionals don’t always do that! The biggest help you can be is just being there. The regular phone calls are SO valuable. They speak volumes to the recipient about how valued they are at a time when they often feel pretty awful about themselves . That you think of them every day and care enough to make a call is so validating . It may just be a “ Hi , just checking in .. how you doing today ? “ 30 second call .. Or it may be a bigger conversation , but that isn’t important.

With respect to being on the alert for escalating suicidality , my advise is this. If you put down the phone and really worry about something that was said .. I would ring them back up and be really honest about it . The fact that they are suicidal is not a secret and you will not induce someone to act on their suicidal thoughts by enquiring about them. In fact the opposite is true. Research says that it is better to overt the thoughts and allow the person to talk about them than to collude with keeping them buried because its uncomfortable to discuss.
So just say “ Look , something you said made we worried that your thoughts about suicide are pretty strong today … am I right or did I misread things? “ If you are reassured after that, just ring again the next day as usual . If you were right about the increased risk and they can confirm that , you ring his medical team or the CAT team if you can’t get on to them .

Its tiring and sometimes scary work to be a support but so so valuable. Good on you!

[Dr_Kim]

ctjbns said:

Hi Dr. Kim

I am a 33yo man who has been diagnosed with moderate depression many years ago.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and ask you a question that may have already been covered by your psychs and therapists , but have you ever considered the diagnosis of high functioning autism or aspergers ?

Just an idea that popped into my head whilst reading your post . Some features might match , in that you have above average intelligence , you like only a certain type of person (one that has the same interests as you ) , you are emotionally kind of unresponsive ( the example of the fire cracker under the desk not stopping you ).

I may be totally off track , but maybe think about this with your therapists as it may explain some of your difficulty in relationships and the feeling that you can only connect to people who have the same interests as you have.

If I'm barking up the wrong tree, then another thought is that maybe maybe you are using your IQ score to avoid intimacy and closeness. Maybe its time to pull down the antennae that search for things that are different between you and others, and put up antenna that allow you to search out things that connect you to others. Intellectual compatibility is just one thing that gives us a sense of connection with people. Their sense of warmth, caring, fun, humour, openness are some other qualities that can lead to special connections with others that have little to do with IQ. I wonder if you might think about whether you might be inadvertently putting up barriers to these connections and if so , why ?

I do think that those who feel on the outer of life, disconnected , do tend to feel down, so maybe explore with the counsellors you have why it is that you might be stuck on the outer. What might it be about your personality or mental health situation that may keep you stuck in that pattern? You are super brave to explore this as it is really hard for us to look at ourselves openly and really challenge ourselves to look at how we interact in the world.

I hope that the suggestions I have made feel helpful and open up possibilities for you and not in any way too challenging. Please take these ideas back to your therapists to discuss openly as it is really great that you are trying to get the most out of yourself and put of your life. Keep searching!

[Dr_Kim]

96HS said:

I stay quiet at work, or bail out on my friends because I just don't have the energy to keep happy anymore.

Hi There , The fact that you are writing this post means that you know in your heart of heart that something is not right . At this stage its really hard to know what it is . You really need to start with a good GP who can firstly exclude any physical health problems that might be contributing to the way that you are feeling .

Once those things are sorted, then the GP would refer you to a counsellor to start trying to work out what is driving these feelings and responses you are having . I think you will be much received to have someone you can talk to openly about the things, a place where you don’t have to pretend to be a "functioning person".

You could explore with them what are the factors that make you so scared of letting your boyfriend and friends know whats happening and help you.

So , how do you find this magical GP? Word of mouth is good… ask around your friends/ family / work colleagues as to if any of them have a nice GP ( you don’t even have to say why you need see one) . Failing that try this website as a guide https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional .

Make a start today in sorting this out as your heart of heart is probably right!

[Dr_Kim]

gld said:

Hi Dr Kim,

I feel like i am drowning and treating water is becoming more difficult.

Hi Gen, It seems you are trying to balance two things.

1. Your need to be a supportive and empathic wife.
2. Your need to look after yourself and your own health, financial and mental wellbeing.
Sometimes these 2 agendas will work together , but sometimes its as if you have to choose between them.. so what is it going to be ??

Well , my answer to this is BOUNDARIES . I want you to watch a youtube clip from the wonderful Brene Brown on why putting up boundaries is such a healthy way to behave for all concerned.

Boundaries allow you to be more loving and generous without getting angry. Boundaries are what you decide feel ok and not ok for you. It sounds like, for example , that it doesn’t feel ok for you to support his drinking or smoking habits and so you are rightly putting up boundaries around your involvement with them . You can allow him to make decisions for himself, and take the stance that he is probably doing the best that he can in the circumstances, and try to be understanding , but that doesn’t extend to doing something your uncomfortable with. So if he wants to drink alcohol , you can’t stop him , but you can choose not to help him and state that clearly.

Only when you have a clear boundary around what you will and won’t happily do in your relationship , can you relax, and feel your integrity is protected and respected. It might sound a bit garbled , but please watch the youtube clip as Brene is much more articulate than I am !

Also, it may be time to get some support with a counsellor if you feel like you are drowning .. your GP is a good first option for advise around how to get some support.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Kilpatrick, we are unable to provide recommendations for facilities or health professionals here on the forums. Please give our support service a call on 1300 22 4636.

[james1]

Hi Dr Kim,

I'm currently being managed by my psychologist and GP for symptoms of BPD. We've been alternating week by week, which has been fine, but I find every now and then I go into a bit of a panic when friends don't respond and I don't want to do the exercises or talk to the helplines.

I've also noticed myself lying or intentionally not disclosing or just moulding myself to fit what I want from my psychologist and GP. I know I shouldn't, but I basically alternate between not wanting to lose my psychologist and wanting to ditch her before she ditches me. Again, I know it's irrational.

Is it time for me to find someone else? She's not doing anything wrong and has helped a lot, but I can't explain why I keep doing this and there's also the matter of she only works 3 days a week and I can't reach her outside of hours (not that I've asked, but I feel awkward asking). But then again, I don't know if I'm just trying to create reasons to just go find someone else.

Sorry, that may have been a bit confusing, but the main question is probably: if there's nothing wrong with my psychologist and I feel comfortable revealing things, yet I still want to lie to avoid situations I create in my mind, do I persist or leave?

James

[Guest_9809]

Thanks so much Dr Kim.

It is reassuring to have you confirm that I am doing the right thing, and its a relief to know what I should do if I am concerned. I guess I am feeling a little more at ease with the situation now, so thats good. Again many thanks.

Taurus

[Dr_Kim]

Sav.12 said:Hi dr kim im currently trying to conceive have been for nearly a year and am on medication to help me ovulate. my anxiety and sadness has gotten out of control since being diagnosed with polycystic ovaries what should i do to cope?

It is well understood that fertility problems can cause anxiety and depression, so I feel you are definitely not alone in experiencing this. The medications you are on can contribute to feeling a bit wonky too.

I have a couple of suggestions..

1. Get yourself feeling as fit and healthy as you can . Exercise is known to be good for reducing anxiety and depression, so regular exercise ( about 1/2 to 1 hour at least 3 times per week) is going to help. Eat healthy foods, get plenty of rest and also try a mindfulness app like Headspace or Smiling mind to try and turn off the stress hormones in the body and feel that you are getting wiser about whats going on.

2. Get some counselling - Ask your GP to help you find someone to help you put these thoughts and feelings in the right place. To allow you to see them with some perspective and respond to them in a more proportionate manner. To see whats a normal ok response and what is your “anxiety“ talking … and once you know the difference, how to respond to them . It is ok to be sad about needing fertility help and worried about outcomes… In fact it would be strange if you didn’t feel a bit of that! However you may need help to work out what is a normal grief about this and what is depression … And if you have depressive thoughts and feelings , then how to challenge them.

Good luck with this next phase .. You might even look at a support group so that you know that these feelings are so very common when women are going through this.