First time being hospitalised

[mercymaybe]

hi everyone

 first post here!

im a person who has had a life long experience with mental illness, I'm both a phyiscal trauma and child abuse survivor

 ive had ptsd since the age of four, and been dealing with major depression and anxiety, to the best of my memory since I was 10. I turned 29 this year, so it's been a while.

 theres been some big ups and downs over the years but one of the things that has remained consistent is that I've had to manage the majority of my illness myself

 ive been off and on meds since I was 18, currently on, but I've never had consistent counselling because of a variety of reasons

 now, this current bad patch is as worse as I've been, unable to leave the house more then twice a week, severe anxiety, increasing sudden suicidal impulses that I have to tamp down, and I've begun the process of going into a mental health clinic as an inpatient 

I'm just scared, I guess. I've had to self manage, as best I could for all these years. I have supportive family and friends, but there's a difference between sharing my struggles with my loved ones versus authority figures. 

i would love to hear about other people's experiences with hospitalisation, especially your first time and how it went, the good and the bad!

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[geoff]

dear Mercymaybe, hi and great to be able to talk to you.

I would expect that everybody would have different experiences, some good and some bad, but with me I hated being put into hospital, because I was in a ward with many different people ranging from psychotic to being depressed, but those who were psychotic were wondering around saying that they were going to kill me, so I tried to get out as quickly as I was allowed, and this did involve lying saying that I would be alright, but I wasn't.

If the police came to me at home, I would tell that I was only thinking out aloud and that nothing would happen, so that I didn't have to go, it sometimes worked while other times it didn't. Geoff.

[Billy66]

Hi Mercymaybe

I have a similar history to yours and understand the difficulties in finding someone who you can trust and actually help you. I have been admitted to psych wards more times than I can remember but will always remember my first time. I was made to go into hospital and had an order placed on me so I was stuck there until authorities thought I was well enough to leave. like Geoff said there people with many different problems on the ward which can be scary but can also be helpful. I have over time had many decent chats with people who can shed a different light on what's happening for you. Some of those people I have actually stayed in touch with.

 I think when you are going in voluntarily you can make the most of your time there and let others help you. It makes a difference when you don't have to think about the day to day tasks of life as well. 

Hope this gives you a little help and good luck. keep posting if you like so we know how you're traveling. 

Billy66

[geoff]

dear Mercymaybe, Billy has just reminded me, where you go into hospital on a voluntary basis, then you can leave whenever you want, if however you are forced to go in either by the police or by your doctor under the mental act, which states if you are a safety to yourself then they admit you.

However there are many determinations from state to state about mental illness, but maybe this site may help and give you some idea, 'www.mifellowship.org/facts'. Geoff.

[mercymaybe]

hi billy and Geoff, thanks for your responses!

yes, I'm going in voluntarily, I've been waiting for two months for my private health insurance to tick over so it will cover it.

 it was funny, when me and my family first made the plans to set it up 2 months ago I wasn't worried, I was very positive and thought that I wouldn't be freaked out by it, because I was choosing to admit myself, knowing how bad it had all gotten 

and now it's actually time for it, I'm extremely anxious. 

 im calling the clinic tomorrow to see how things are progressing with my referral and all the rest. 

 being stuck in this limbo in between, not knowing if or when I can go in is making the anxiety worse.

[Airies]

Have had 2 recent stays in a Hospital both on my own accord. The first for a month and the for 4 days with 2 days in between. It allowed my psychiatrist to tweak my medication and adjust it accordingly. I had suicidal thoughts and couldn't guarantee my safety on the outside.

Everyday is a battle and I'm not ruling out a return to Hospital but it was beneficial to me and I believe quickened up the process of getting my meds right.

[Airies]

Returning to psych hosp tomorow. Having daily thoughts in a negative way and grumpy nod extremely tired since the introduction of some new meds. Struggling to take the dog for a walk yet not that long ago walking dog 1.5 hours and cycling 40- 80"ks a day. All I want is to,get my Mojo bck