Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

[manchala]

I just saw a counselor for the first time, and in all honesty, I hated it. I guess I expected to leave there in a better mood but I think I felt worse walking out than I felt walking in. I was wondering if it's common for people to feel this way at the start?

I've never opened up to anyone before- not my friends, family or a professional. So I felt very vulnerable and embarrassed, and I cried throughout the session. Every question he asked me felt invasive and was hard for me to answer. I know he's doing his job and that everything paints a bigger picture, but it was just a little intimidating for me. He drew on so many different aspects of my life which has now got me overthinking everything I've ever done in the past- I've given myself a headache and I haven't stopped crying since. I was very in the midst of my emotions so I could barely get anything out of my mouth. I'm worried that maybe he doesn't understand the extent of what I feel because I can't put my emotions into words well. At times I got frustrated at him for not understanding what I was trying to tell him. Whenever he smiled at me I got worried that he was laughing at something I said and I took it as a condescending thing.

I have another session scheduled in a few days and I'm dreading it. I'm regretting going in the first place, I feel like I've 'exploited' myself, if that makes sense. Did anyone else feel the same way when they first started seeing a professional?

[Lazykh]

Counsellors (or psychologists, or psychiatrists, or doctors) are like medication... You don't always get the right one the first time you try. But if you persevere you will find one that has the right approach for you. There are some superb professionals who can read people so well that they can click with about 95% of clients. Then others really do a great job with people they do click with, but that's not everyone... there are also some that probably should have done something else with their life instead that didn't require any contact with human beings... Yes, some of them are just crappy. Some of them have no empathy, some of them are obviously bored... But that's not all of them. Please don't lose heart, I think it's a good idea to give another session a go as long as you feel you are up to it, to see if it was just the first one (sometimes the interview can be a bit harrowing when you're being hit with zillions of questions and it takes 2 hours). If it doesn't go better, try someone else, there are plenty of other counsellorfish in the sea.

Lazykh.

[Lazykh]

PS, it's better to change over sooner rather than later, as firstly you'll waste money going over the same ground twice, and secondly and more importantly, the worse an experience you have with the first person, the less likely you will be to see another one, so remember, you are NOT unhelpable, and your counsellor might not be perfect for you.

Read up on clinical iatrogenesis to know more about therapeutic relationships gone wrong... I find it a fascinating subject and see a lot of clients who have really suffered from the effects. (I had one client who had seen 10 therapists before me... and didn't trust anyone) It takes a long time to deconstruct mistrust too, so you are really doing yourself a favour to get out as soon as you realise it's wrong for you, if it gets to that point.

Lazykh

[150lashes]

Lazykh are you a psychologist?

[Lazykh]

pssst... shh... I do counselling and psychotherapy. studying to be a registered clinical psychologist... don't tell! I just like helping people in my spare time. :))))

[blondguy]

Hey 150:-) always great to see you on the forums. I hope you are doing reasonably okay

Lazykh...I havent had the pleasure yet but welcome to you 🙂 Pssst...dont tell anyone that a psychiatric nurse visited my home in 1983 (from the local council) and helped me in 30 minutes to get the strength to leave my house after the first 'gound zero' anxiety phase. I saw him weekly for 3 months and he made me cry and then get back to work.....My Best....Paul:-)

[pipsy]

Hi Lazykh. Often when we visit psychologists/psychiatrists, as Jess said, it can take time to work through the bad before we start feeling better. Because we feel uncomfortable talking about the bad, often we need time to get courage. If you have a good psych, that helps immensely. If your psych isn't 'in tune' with you, this can be off-putting. However, usually after a couple of sessions this becomes obvious. If this happens, that's when you see about a referral to another psych. Unfortunately, this can have a detrimental affect as the patient loses confidence in psych's in general and refuses to seek further help. I had this problem with a marriage counsellor. She was young, never married, no children, lived at home etc. She gaily informed me I had to try harder to understand my hubby's emotional attachment to his parents. Over a period of 6 weeks I came away feeling worse than I had when I started. I persevered, but finished up telling her (rather nastily) to get married, deal with narc in-laws and a hubby who defended them over his wife. Perhaps I shouldn't have said what I said, but when you visit any counsellor, you expect support, not to be told, rather bluntly, it's up to you to change your attitude.

Lynda

P.S I've actually found more support here.

[Lazykh]

Hi there, I think I managed to confuse you all, I'm now a counsellor with limited major issues myself which feels nice after places I've been in the past... I was really lucky I got a great psychotherapist first try who didn't just help me with my concerns, he actually inspired me to do what I do now. I thought that if I could do for others what he'd done for me, I'd feel I'd had a fulfilling life. I love all my contact with clients, regardless of how 'challenging' they are and look forward to the day I finish my study so I can get paid to do what I love!!!

Since becoming involved in the profession, I've met some wonderful people who share this sort of mentality, but unfortunately I've also met some who I wish had chosen to do something else. They are the ones that don't care, the ones that don't think outside the box (i.e. CBT way or the highway), AND more than anything the ones that poach other people's clients. Especially when you have made some progress with them. Especially when the client you hear dropped out soon after changing therapist and is once again, a mess.

Lynda, it sounds like you've had a very bad experience... but I'm so glad that you found what you needed here. I can tell it must mean a lot to you from how much you have given back to the community. And I think it's great that you spoke with candour to your crappy therapist, frankness is a virtue and honesty is a breath of fresh air. I hope she learnt something from it, but there are those sort of people who will just externalise it all instead. We can only hope. Anyhow, it's nice to meet you!

Lazykh

[White_Rose]

I can definitely relate to there being lousy psychiatrists/psychologist/counsellors around the traps. I was referred to a psychiatrist who couldn't get my name right at the first meeting, which I thought was psychiatry 101. Then he was always late because he arrived at least 20 minutes after his first appointment, fell asleep while I talked to him (great for the ego), then swore at me when he got annoyed. And I don't mean mild words. The he wrote to my GP and told her it was all my fault.

Surprisingly I left his therapy rooms. But I have also been fortunate in meeting skilled and wonderful psychologists. Good luck to you on your professional journey. I do hope you are and will remain one of the skilled and wonderful psychologists.

Mary

[Pseudomonas]

Is it normal for counsellors to touch clients to improve trust? Mine touched me at the end of each session. I resent it - am I overreacting? He was also manipulative, trying to get me to change jobs to move to his suburb. He said he was a solution finder and my friend, but he was rather insensitive to my feelings and got my problems wrong after a few weekly sessions.

[ablemabel]

This is a very late reply and I hope you were able to find some support around this last year. But I would say no, it's not very normal to touch clients to improve trust. There are plenty of other ways to achieve that and I'm also very concerned about them wanting you to move to his suburb and calling himself a friend. It sounds like this person was overstepping boundaries and it's his job to uphold ethical practice. I'm very sorry that you had this experience, the last person you want to feel manipulated by or uncomfortable with is your counsellor. I hope since this time you have found another professional counsellor. I would even recommend that you report this counsellor to whichever professional body they are registered with (I hope they are registered) so that it's recorded.

All the best