Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

[manchala]

I just saw a counselor for the first time, and in all honesty, I hated it. I guess I expected to leave there in a better mood but I think I felt worse walking out than I felt walking in. I was wondering if it's common for people to feel this way at the start?

I've never opened up to anyone before- not my friends, family or a professional. So I felt very vulnerable and embarrassed, and I cried throughout the session. Every question he asked me felt invasive and was hard for me to answer. I know he's doing his job and that everything paints a bigger picture, but it was just a little intimidating for me. He drew on so many different aspects of my life which has now got me overthinking everything I've ever done in the past- I've given myself a headache and I haven't stopped crying since. I was very in the midst of my emotions so I could barely get anything out of my mouth. I'm worried that maybe he doesn't understand the extent of what I feel because I can't put my emotions into words well. At times I got frustrated at him for not understanding what I was trying to tell him. Whenever he smiled at me I got worried that he was laughing at something I said and I took it as a condescending thing.

I have another session scheduled in a few days and I'm dreading it. I'm regretting going in the first place, I feel like I've 'exploited' myself, if that makes sense. Did anyone else feel the same way when they first started seeing a professional?

[150lashes]

Hey there

Yes I can relate. My first session was a nightmare to be honest. I was trying to deal with current matters and she kept delving into my past and childhood and obviously trying to figure out what may be impacting me today from there.

I also have an uncanny way of laughing when I get nervous or feel awkward. So I was laughing quite a bit, which didn't help my situation and resulted in her thinking I wasn't taking things seriously..

Anyway I vowed to give one more session a go and if it didn't improve I wasn't going back. But second session was different she was less probing and I was more direct at saying upfront what I did and didn't like and asking her more questions myself. I know this is hard to do if you lack confidence and aren't feeling well though.

I'd go back and tell him how that session made you Feel.. If you don't like the response or can't connect then seek another Psychologist

You don't have to continue with him if you don't like it and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Best wishes always

[manchala]

I felt that way. I got upset when he tried to diverge the topic to things that never cross my mind when I just wanted to directly tackle the issue at hand. Good to know others can relate, thanks for sharing.

[blondguy]

Hello Manchala

An excellent topic and thankyou for posting. I can understand where you are coming from as my first visit was awful. in 1985. I was in tears and upset too. It took me a few visits to appreciate that he was trying to get me to release a lot of emotion that I built up and had buried deep inside. He was trying to heal me and I had to open up to allow him to heal me.

I also thought that I was meant to come out reasonably contented or clearer but didnt grasp that in order for me to feel better I needed to vent and have a really good cry. After fortnightly visits for six months he actually reduced my severe anxiety to a mild anxiety that was manageable.

For sure after a few visits if you arent satisfied find another one to see. The first few visits can be uncomfortable but most of the time very rewarding in the long run.

150lashes made a great point about communicating to your therapist and letting him know how you feel....that would be beneficial to your healing.

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[geoff]

hello Manchala, what you have experienced is normal, because for the first real time you have someone who has been trained to understand what is going through your mind, and yes it can be nerve wracking, because for such a long time the only things you wanted to talk about with your family and/orfriends is what suits you to, but now you have to talk to a person who is trying to make you better.
My first couple of visits was just me crying, a big fellow I am, but felt the size of something so small, cuddled up in the chair, I must have looked pathetic, but she starting to ask me questions and yes it was painful to try and answer them because I couldn't talk, and only answered by yes or no, but she knew that I was suffering so much, but these questions had started to open up what was hurting me so much.
It is difficult to talk to a new person, but I wasn't going to get any better until I could share my problems with only one person, but if she asked me a question which I wasn't prepared to answer in these first few sessions I said 'later on'or 'not now'.
The important fact here is that if you don't feel as though you don't 'click' with him then you need to change, and can I ask if he is a psychologist or psychiatrist, because to me there is a big difference. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Manchala

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. It seems the first experience of seeing any kind of counselor ends in a bit of discomfort. A bit like a first date in some ways. We create the anticipation in our minds that everything is going to be resolved and we will live happily ever after.

The room where you meet your counselor is designed to make you feel comfortable and safe and help you relax. And you did feel safe, safe enough to cry anyway. Delving into any bad situation will make you feel vulnerable because of the hurt you have already experienced. And suddenly you find yourself opening up and saying things you never expected.

Then you leave and realise you are back in the hard, cold light of day. Did you feel you wanted to go back to the room and talk some more? That's a common reaction also. Someone has talked to you and LISTENED to what you have to say. And it's all about you. No one waiting until you have said your bit so they can say their bit. I found it all rather overwhelming and so I cried. In fact I cried on many occasions when we touched on painful situation.

Please go back and try again. I know when we go to these places we want to talk/ask about specific items and so often we forget. I suggest you write down all the questions you want to ask, including why you felt the way you did. Also write down your feelings and tell the counselor this. You can either read out your questions etc or give the paper to the counselor, whatever you choose.

I believed everything would be done and dusted in a couple of sessions. I saw a psychiatrist initially, and it was a disaster from the start. But not all psychiatrists/psychologists/counselors are like this and I found a psychologist I got on well with. It was like talking to a very caring friend who had a lot of the answers and was prepared to help me do the hard work.

Here's to a better meeting next time.

Mary

[JessF]

Hello manchala, the only thing I can add to the excellent responses above is the old saying, sometimes you have to feel worse before you can get better. I have had many sessions with psychologists and counsellors over the journey where I have felt worse after leaving a session. I have often found though that this is a good sign...a bit like getting a tooth pulled out. It means that we are getting closer to the issues, and my negative feelings were a mix of fear at confronting the issues, which had been masked by years of denial, and my realisation at the full extent of what I had been sitting on, and the work yet to do. Take it a step at a time.

[manchala]

Hello everyone, thank you for your support and for sharing your experiences. It's good to know that feeling this way is not uncommon. I will try and talk to him about how I felt. I hope with some patience things will fall into place and that my next appointment is more comfortable.

[blondguy]

Hello Manchela

Thankyou for writing back. It does take time and patience...You are not on your own....

My Kind Thoughts

Paul

[pipsy]

Hi manchala. Hoping you're feeling more positive than you initially felt. Talking to a counsellor can be hard, talking to a friend/family is harder because the patience required is not always there. With a counsellor/psych, the training they have to undergo before they start counselling, means they learn to empathize without actually taking your problems on board. Once you have the confidence that they are there to help, guide and listen it becomes easier to relax. Trying to talk about painful memories is really hard because initially, you don't want to. With their help, it makes it easier to face unpleasant memories, because the knowledge that it's a memory and the person/experience involved is also just a bad memory. I remember when I had to relive some of my painful past, it took a few sessions before I could talk, once I started, the 'dam' opened and the hurt and anger came out. I would ask also (this might sound funny/stupid) how your counsellor would feel about you swearing (I mean really swearing). If your particular memory involves someone who really hurt/upset you, sometimes bad-mouthing them helps relieve some of the pent-up rage you've never been allowed to show. When I was growing up whenever I swore (which wasn't often) my dad would tell me off for **** swearing. Quite contradictory, isn't it. In counselling, my psych encouraged me to bad-mouth him, mum and my older sibling for repressing me. My dad would say because he was the parent and I was the juvenile (his favourite expression) I had to do as he said, not as he did. I remember once he really sailed into me when I questioned his right to say one thing but practice another. I digress, you do need to rid yourself of any anger issues you may have in connection with your past, with the help of your counsellor. That's important.

Lynda.