Doesn't help to talk

[Lui]

My daughter, 22, is seeing a clinical psychologist for depression/anxiety. But she finds it uncomfortable to talk about her problems.

the counsellor has over 30 years experience, is great, and understanding, and lovely. We both love her.

I'm the same. I can talk about things when they happen, with family or something, but it's hard to speak about things at other times, and especially with other people

Is counselling really that useful. Does she need to keep seeing her?

[JessF]

Hello Lui,

I think it is worth reflecting on why you feel this way and what issues have brought you to the counsellor in the first place. I imagine you are seeing the psychologist because you have not been able to find a solution for your problems in daily life.

Seeing a psychologist is not always a comfortable process. It is work, and it can be difficult, particualrly if you are trying to change thinking patterns and behaviours that have set in over a lifetime.

I would suggest in the first instacne that you have a frank discussion with the psychologist about your feelings of discomfort, and outline everything you have said in this post. It won't be the first time she has heard this. Together you can work on a plan to move forward.

Your daughter will be looking to you to set an example. If you discourage her, it will send a message that she shouldn't talk about her problems because it makes her feel uncomfortable.

Please persevere with this. Results are rarely immediate with these things.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Lui,

Welcome to the forums. You sound like a caring parent who wants the best for your daughter.

I feel Jess F has raised some great points for you to consider.

The only thing that I would add is perhaps think about what you and your daughter are hoping to gain from counselling (e.g. is it learning coping strategies, is it more validation, etc) and discuss it with your psychologist. That way, you can be on the same page. Just an idea...

kind thoughts,

Pepper

[quirkywords]

Lui,

I'd like to welcome you to the forum. It can be hard to right your first post so thanks for reaching out. This as you will find out, is a safe, caring and supportive environment.

JessF and Pepper have written very helpful replies.

If you have a look around the different topics here you may find some that you may find helpful as well.

Are you seeing the same counsellor as your daughter separately?

It can be awkward to talk about things after they have happened.

I wonder if you or your daughter has ever tried writing down your thoughts then reading it out loud to the counsellor or giving it to the counsellor. Even though I am ok talking to people somethings I find it hard to open up so I have typed something out ,sometimes just points so I don't forget. Sometimes I don't need my notes and at another time I just handed them to the counsellor.

Just a thought and it may not work for you as everyone is different.

As Jess wrote counselling usually takes time .I know a friend who said she found it hard to talk to her counsellor but over time she trusted her and began to talk more and it helped her.

Lui thanks again for being such a caring parent and welcome again.

Quirky

[Lui]

My daughter is seeing the counsellor. She likes me there for support in case she gets tongue-tied or stresses too much.

It was suggested to her by her job agency, she's looking for work. It's not compulsory

I don't see a counsellor myself

The counsellor said that she is doing all the right things herself, that she is her own best counsellor

I wonder if maybe she doesn't really need it, and she can do it herself well enough. She sometimes stresses about going in

[Doolhof]

Hi Lui,

I too welcome you to the community here. Maybe in time your daughter will find it easier to chat openly with the counsellor.

As mentioned by Quirky, your daughter may find it easier to write things down and hand the paper to the counsellor. I have done that many times.

It is okay to cry, to feel anxious, upset, stressed, exhausted and a whole range of different things while seeing a counsellor, they are there to help you understand all of these things.

After a session, I like to have a bit of spare time to stop and consider all that has been said before I need to be somewhere else. It helps me to quieten the mind again and feel more peaceful. This might also help your daughter.

Maybe even a short walk around the block before the session could ease the stress your daughter might be feeling.

Let's face it, a possibly rushed drive to the appointment place, looking for a park, walking into the building, sitting in the waiting room possibly with other people - all those things don't really add up to a stress less experience before you even enter the room for the counselling!

Fish tanks, bubble machines, play stations or what ever could all help reduce those pre session stressors!

Cheers from Dools