Difficulty finding the right therapist

[iam_strong]

I've seen many psychologists in the past but couldn't seem to find s good fit for me.  I was diagnosed with PTSD over a year ago caused by workplace bullying and had to quit my job and a great career.  Most of the time I feel sorry for myself for being in a situation that I never thought would happen to me.  I was a dedicated career woman working in the corporate world for most of my life then my world was suddenly turned upside down.  Now all I do is curl up in bed everyday, take rejection after rejection from potential employers, despite them saying that I have an amazing CV.   I'm now worried financially if I don't find a job which adds to my depression.  I've been in anti-depressants for a while now which helped but I stopped seeing my last psychologist.  She was very helpful at first having had the same bullying experience, so she helped me understand what was happening to me. But as time went on, I felt our sessions became more about her than me. She would talk for most of the time, and would say negative things about the people who hurt me and so I would feel more upset after each session.  

The one before her was good too and helped me understand myself better, until she focused more on religion and morality rather than my problems. I asked if I could bring my female partner to our session because she's being affected too, but my psychologist rejected the idea. She suggested that my sexual preference also needed to be addressed in our next sessions.  I didn't see her again after she made that comment.

And other therapists I've seen just didn't work for me. Some just let me talk the whole time and not give any advice.

I'm struggling at the moment and need professional help but reluctant to start a new relationship with a new therapist. I've just been relying on self-help but feel it's not enough.  Is there a service where a therapist is matched with a patient's preference - not just by location but speciality, techniques and personality? I think this would help many patients by ensuring a better chance of successful and shorter term treatment. In my case, I feel I should have made quicker progress if I've met the right therapist from the beginning without having to stop and start again. The problem is, it takes many session before one can establish real therapist/patient rapport which is also very costly and frustrating.

If you could refer a good psychologist/psychiatrist in Sydney who specialises in PTSD and effects of workplace bullying and practises ACT, CBT, mindfulness therapy and how to control emotions, who has a listening ear but also gives honest constructive advice and works well with all sexes, please please I would love to get their details. Thanks so mch.

[geoff]

hello, I think that the problem you are experiencing is not uncommon.

Firstly you should be allowed to bring your female partner to any session because the counselling is about you and anyone who is willing to be with you, and this is an important issue for you.

Age, sex, or gender should have no bearing as to what you want to do.

It's sad when someone who is well qualified and had plenty of experience like yourself to suddenly find that you are facing the wall, but depression doesn't give a razoo who it brings down.

I had been seeing a psychologist for 20 odd years, but she just left, without any warning, and now I am having trouble trying to find someone who can take her place, and with little success, so now I am in the same position as you are, and it's not easy telling your story over and over again to a new psych, in fact it becomes annoying, wondering whether or not your talking to a statue, or someone who doesn't give a damn.

I am sorry I can't help you with regards to Sydney as I'm in country Melbourne, however maybe you could try the web chat, and hopefully they will be able to direct you in the right direction, so please let us know. L Geoff. x

[Chris_B]

Hi iam.strong,

Finding the right therapist can be difficult - I'm really sorry to hear about the experiences you've had, particularly with the therapist who suggested your sexual orientation was a problem.  It's very disappointing and sad to hear that from a mental health professional in 2013 - if you feel the need, it may be worth reporting that experience to the Australian Psychological Society (APS) if that person was a registered psychologist, to prevent others from going through that experience: http://www.psychology.org.au/

In terms of finding a therapist to match your preferences, try using the "find a professional" search tool on our website, which is located in the "get support" menu at the top left of the page.  It's searchable by postcode, by therapy type, and also client type if you're wanting to find a practitioner that is LGBT-friendly.

The other thing I could suggest is that before your first appointment, to "interview" your prospective therapist and be very upfront and clear about the type of therapy and approach you're after.  List the difficulties you've had previously, and if you don't get the right vibe, then don't go through with the appointment.  Hopefully that should minimise the chances of you feeling like you're wasting your time and having to repeat your story over and over again.

Anyone else have any advice for iam.strong (great handle by the way)?

[iam_strong]

Thanks Geoff, it's a shame you have to go through the process again after having (I assume) a good relationship with your psych for 20 years. I hope I find one for a long term as well. Good luck in your search :))

[iam_strong]

Hi Christopher,

Thanks for replying. Interviewing the therapist before my first appointment sounds like a great idea - I'll definitely try that.  Although it would probably take at least a couple of sessions before I really get to know them better, having a chat beforehand would be a step in the right direction.

I already tried the 'find a professional' on your site but I feel I need more info about their personality and beliefs in addition to therapy type and client type. But that's okay, hopefully I'll find the right fit after asking a few questions before my first appointment.

Thanks again for the tip!

iam.strong

[074KU]

It is my belief that "finding the right therapist" is a symptom of a system that isn't working, our disorders are not clearly quantified as in may other areas of medicine so a lot of the time it is a case of hit and miss, this is also my belief with medication. Perhaps in X years this will no longer be the case, however until this time elapses I would suggest there is no other solution to the issue than what is already suggested.

[Waterfalls]

An old thread but best matches what I'm having trouble with

I've been looking for a new psychiatrist. One that was recommended to me wants $500 before rebate for one hour initial consultation. I asked for some justification but - hide behind your secretary whi can only advise cancelling if I'm not happy, because they can

I've had bad experiences with psychiatrists, due to laziness or inappropriate comments. It is difficult not to feel negative about the profession as a whole. For me at least.

'Everybody has a right to mental care'- sure. if you have the $$s

And no i have no sympathy for it being a 'stressful job' given what they charge. And given what they get paid in suprised I've gotten no benefit from the last 2 I've seen.

[23illawarra]

Hello there i.am.strong,

This is my very first post on this site, i am very excited to now be aware of it.

I dont claim to be a scholar or the like, but i do also see a therapist. I too, have seen many over many years and take the a/d's.

I too was very disallusioned and felt as though i would never find the right fit. I had seen a total of 6. Some let me do all the talking, others had me doing exercises but none left me with any feelings of real growth.

I felt that i had come close at some points, and i remember the points that worked and from whom i learned them.

In the end i went back to the one i felt the closest connection with. It was her suggestion actually. I had gotten to a point with her that i was challenging her on some topics, and even being critical of her efforts. Deep down i knew it may be counter productive to do so, but being exhausted, nearly broke and brimming with self doubt - i transferred that on to her. She quietly suggested that i, a) was always welcome to see her but b) may benefit from seeing some other therapists before returning if i chose to do so. (I saw 4 before going back to her).

Why did i go back to her?

- Similar age and upbringing

- Very open minded and non judgemental. I believe this point partly defines her actually

- Not afraid to show her emotions in session

- Will read the emails i send her and then relate this back when i have my next session

I guess that is sort of my best advice really. I dont know if a perfect fit exists. And trust me, i know how scary the thought can be. I know how desperate and catastrophic you can become when you feel know one understands you, i by no means have come full circle, but feel ar more in control than i used to.

I too had just left a sales job that i had worked tirelessly at, and was absolutely gutted at the end with the way it ended. I have spent the last two months waiting tables and doing manual labor to pay bills and to rinse my head of the previous fiasco. Honest - my therapist is one of the things that i look forward to.

The fee, as fate would have it, is the cheapest of all of them.

[Waterfalls]

Thanks for the effort you made in your post. Aporeciate it..

I've learnt that $$$s do not predict how good a service you will get, esp especially not whether ot be a match..

I'm hoping to 'beg' for 10 mins on the phone wth this new one. Made to feel like this is an outlandish request over the phone. Surely i can ask for that from someone whos going to get 500 for an hour.

And the canned line 'but if they have to do that with everyone they wont have tim....' - oh poor psychiatrists.. poor them. They need to stop hiding behind secretaries and be more willing to have chats, instead of sitting there on their pedestals like demigods. The system is an expensive joke.

[23illawarra]

Hey again,

Question - do you need a psychiatrist, or psychologist?

Just clarifying, as the price on both is very different.

And yes that line - "if they do that for everyone they wouldnt have time" Its ironic, that if we were talking about anything else we would likely cop it, but its the one industry where that 10 minutes can literally be life saving.

I hope your today is better than your yesterday.

🙂