can't stand my treatment regime anymore

[Pebble09]

I have suffered from PTSD/Depression/Anxiety since 2007. I am now at the stage where I am sick of being sick and can't stand my treatment regime anymore - meds, pychologists, psychiatrists, mens group, etc.

I am pushing people away and just want to be alone as I feel no-one understands or cares about what I'm experiencing.

I drink too much and occasionally use drugs.

I'm so over it and don't know what to do anymore. My psych wants me to consider being an inpatient again but I get scared about this stigma, how my work will react and what my ex may do (i.e visitation, etc).

I've stopped my meds as I got fed up with side effects.

Just over it!!! 

[vip]

Hi Pebble please take that advice from your psych to be an inpatient. I was an outpatient for 6 weeks and it was very beneficial to getting better. That drug use and drinking needs to be sorted so that is why you would be better off being an inpatient. Please dont stop that medication without getting any medical advice. I did this 3 years ago and committed suicide and survived because of 1 silly mistake. When i told the gp and hospital i did this they got me to do a programme in the hospital about being responsible with this medication. Mucking around with it can be like playing with fire. You will get better if you follow strict instruction from the professionals and thats what i did and i am here alive to tell my story. Please look after yourself.

[Yoli]

Hi Pebble

I know exactly what you mean.. I too have PSTD/Depression/Anxiety since 2010 and I'm over it too... but unfortunately we need to be patient and kind to ourselves so that we can get over this.  I don't know how long it will take - but I think that we need to live one day at a time. 

I know it is hard, but try to exercise on a daily basis, even if this means going out for a walk around the park or to the shops.  I have found that this helps my mood.  Take your medications and don't be afraid of the hospital experience.  I was terrified but it helped me understand this illness and find a way to deal with it.  

Please take care

[crazysanedays]

Hi Pebble.

I also suffer from PTSD/Anxiety/Bipolar and am on that slippery slope downwards. I, like you, am sick of the constant regime I have to follow each and every day, sometimes I feel like I have no other time to do anything but visit dr's, psychs and reflect, write journals, self monitor, it all gets "over the top" at times.

I gave up my meds over just 3 yrs ago and have struggled since, now im bloody struggling to get a prescription for any meds! the system can be totally mind altering and a pain in the royal behind, but ultimately its worth it in the end when we can balance ourselves..

I suggest, Take the inpatient recommendation as your psych has suggested and as hard as it is, try not to think of the stigma as it will only make things worse. I was never fully honest with my psych about my condition cuz I was worried about the stigma of being a "mental health patient" and in and out of care, but I realised in the end (in a logical moment) that my concerns were not quite as bad as I thought they were and all my family and friends have been very supportive of my "taking the ball and running with it" to ensure that I take hold of my illness and keep it under wraps.

I was diagnosed at 15 with PTSD/Anxiety among ADHD as a child and Bipolar (with possible other issues) and its been a long and tiresome battle to get to the partly logical unmedicated me, however I now am fighting to get the meds to help me maintain some sense of balance.

Please don't give up hope, there are many of us like you who feel totally alone, but indeed you aren't, and I know some days when your in that black hole, you will feel nothing but alone. Keep heart and keep pushing, PTSD is a bitch to live with, but can be managed (I had a good 2 years stable before I stopped meds). Take care and try to avoid alcohol or drugs, a good walk or even a punching bag in a garage are much better "stress relievers".  🙂

[geoff]

dear Pebbles, Nes, Yoli and Crazysanedays, I can totally sympathise with all of you and the struggle to try and get better.

It's easy now for me to say 'that it will get better', but when I was going through the same situation as all of you, in that the medication wasn't working, psychologist visits weren't helping and nothing was improving, and this happened for a few years as I would go into my appointment and all I would do is cry, I could hardly talk to her, and it just seemed to be all pointless.

This is the same scenario that seems to be the going trend for all of us, so why do I say it will get better, it's something that you will never believe me at the moment.

You can use alcohol or drugs, like I did, but it was only alcohol for me, so going back to hospital sounds like a good idea, however there is a question mark in doing this.

We can feel better in hospital, safe and looked after, but the problem that does arise here is that once we leave hospital, we then go back to the same surroundings, see the people that maybe were causing us to go back onto the grog and/or drugs so we are back to square one.

It's no different for an alcoholic going into rehab, sure they will dry up, but once they leave it's a battle to keep them off the grog, so the whole trauma begins again.

All of what I have said isn't encouraging at all, it's just the other side of the coin.

If your medication is giving you too many side-effects then your doctor should revise it straight away, simply because if you feel sick from them, then how are you going to feel any better. Geoff.

[Yoli]

Hi Geoff

I have been reading these posts to find some answers.  I have noted that you and there are others in this community who seems to have this illness under some control.  I would like to ask a few questions (my mind is all confused and I don't know if I will be able to ask the right questions but here it goes....)

It seems that eventually we will get better - but what does this mean? Does it mean that we can go back and carry on with out lives like before? Or do we need to make modifications? How long does it take?

If we have to make modifications and remove those areas that are causing us to get sick.. how do we know or identify these areas. How do we know if these are real problem areas for us and not just an excuse to avoid something we don't like or want to do??

For me work caused my illness - so the thought of going back to a work environment is painful and frightening... I don't want the stress and politics of a work environment but at the same time I feel like I should be making an effort and go back into the workforce... How do I know if I am making excuses??

Every time I go to the doctor's I feel that she expects me to be better and because I am not I feel guilty.... This causes me high levels of anxiety...

I am tired of the whole thing.... and wish that I could find a way out....

confused