Can't say no to my psychologist

[MoonWings]

Hey,

For the entire time that I've been seeing my psychologist, I've never been able to say anything negative. She asks me how I am, I say that I'm okay, even though I was struggling really badly during the week. She asks if I agree with something, I say yes, even though I think it won't work for me / isn't something I'm comfortable with.

I don't know what to do at this point. I've agreed to do something that I am dreading. I can't fully put a finger on why I do it, but I think it may be because I have issues with feeling guilt over the smallest things, such as saying that I don't want a coffee when my mother offers me one. I really need help.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Moon x

[Quiettall]

Hello

It is important that you be really honest with your psychologist. Otherwise, it is not going to work for you long term just to run along with everything that you are told. If you have reservations, be honest, so you can work them through with him. That is part of the productive therapeutic process that works. I have seen so many cases where people go to a professional, take the advice, agree with it, but not really believe or discuss it, and therefore the personal commitment to implement what is "agreed" is not there.

[Guest_322]

Hi Moon,

Keeping your real feelings and wishes hidden must be so exhausting and frustrating. What you have agreed to do (but don't want to do) is clearly weighing on your mind.

I mean, you already observed that this is an ongoing struggle that isn't exclusive to any one person but occurs across multiple scenarios and with different people.

Can I make a suggestion? And by all means, you can consider it or reject the idea (it's totally up to you).

When I used to see my psychologist, I sometimes struggled to challenge her ideas- or the spoken word failed me at times- so I used alternative communication methods like music, art and writing.

So maybe you could consider, say, typing a letter and showing it to her or even emailing her before a session about the feelings of guilt, etc? It might be less confronting this way, and it lets you get everything out in the one "hit." Plus you can edit it as many times as you like till it feels "right."

But as I said before, it's just a suggestion and isn't the only possible approach.

Virtual hugs,

Dottie x

[geoff]

hi Moon, yes it would be a good idea to write down on a piece of paper how you are actually feeling as Dottie has mentioned, as well as what Quiettall has said there's little point going to see a psychologist unless you can give them something back, but can I say is that psychologists know how you are feeling, because they can read facial expressions, how your eyes look, because eyes can tell a million words, and they will slowly edge away picking up bits and pieces here and there.
It's a challenge for them, but what you can do is save some money by opening up just a little, they are there to help you, that's all they want to do, but if you keep telling them white lies then you're not doing yourself much good, so your depression will only get deeper so your situation will become even worse. Geoff.

[MoonWings]

Dottie,

It certainly is frustrating, and tiring. I have been thinking about writing it all down for a while now, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. These are things I have never told a living soul, so the thought of having them read by someone else is daunting, but I really need to tell her somehow so that I can move on.

Moon x

[blondguy]

Hi MoonWings

I remember years ago feeling awkward and even nervous seeing my psychologist, I understand where you are coming from.

I also remember my therapist finding my weak spots and he succeeded in me bursting into tears (for ages) This guy was a gift. By getting me to say everything was like I was being cleansed and after 24 hours I felt very relaxed and free as he got me to vent and get rid of all the crap that I had been sweeping under the rug for so long.

The counsel above is brilliant from Dottie Geoff and QT. I actually look forward to the visits now as I feel so much better afterwards

Just a little idea, take a screenshot of your thread here, print it out and give it to her. Your health will benefit and you will find peace a lot quicker by doing so 🙂

my kind thoughts for you MW

Paul

[Guest_322]

Hi Moon,

Yeah, I agree that it is hard to bare your soul to another person especially when they are things that you've never told anyone else before.

If a letter or email is too confronting, maybe Paul'a (above) screenshot idea could be a great alternative starting point (?) It might be less intense for you that way.

But of course, it's your decision and we want you to feel comfortable in what you're doing. So whatever you decide, we will be cool with.

Hang in there.

Dottie xxx

[Lostflutterby]

You could show your psychologist this post. Make them aware of the issue and then at least they know where to go with sessions. Even if you can't just bare all. Little bits and pieces will get you somewhere eventually 🙂