So stuck my life is falling apart.

[Lostflutterby]

I don't know what to do. This is so hard for me to admit. My head, my house, my life are all bomb sites. I have 9 weeks til bubs is born and right now I am in tears. Every room in my house is cluttered and needs a deep clean. I can't walk into a room without almost tripping on a toy or some other object. I'm so sick of tidying and cleaning then turning around two days later for it to be the same. It's impacting my relationship. My partner can only do about 20 minutes a day before his back gives out and he needs to sit down (he has a disability). There's no one that can come help me. Does anyone take any suggestions on how to fix this. Everyone says stop being lazy just do it but I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I also have a 3.5 yr old to run around after too. Sorry to go on and on I'm just stuck.

[pipsy]

Dear Lostflutterby. I can well relate to what you're experiencing. With your toddler extremely energetic, endless energy till he/she collapses. I was similar with an active 3.5 year old, plus expecting another one. There could be a pre-natal depression cycle involved here as well. I suggest you make up games for your toddler. Tell him/her to give mum a hand as baby is upsetting her. Give him/her a reason to help you. My daughter used to delight in 'taking over' as lady of the house. She used to tell her dad that she cleaned house better because she was 'closer' to the floor. Children love knowing they help mum, it makes them feel important doing 'grown up' chores. My daughter would drag the chair to the sink and start doing the dishes, she also loved folding washing. My son was similar when he was old enough to assist mum. Vacuuming a definite 'no-no', dusting - yes. Moping floors, no. Anything that doesn't require a lot of bending yes, in moderation. The depression you have is exacerbating your feelings of 'can't cope'. Is your Dr aware of your depression, pre-natal depression is quite normal but you need to let your Dr know so he can give you some relaxation. As long as the house is relatively tidy, try to accept that with a toddler there is going to be clutter. Try asking him/her to keep the toys in one area. If you have a 'toy box' get your toddler to keep the toys near the box. Just do what you are capable of. As long as you can relax and learn to accept what you can't change or cope with, you will get through this. Do you have the 'prayer of tranquility'. I have found this to be a great comfort. I'm not necessarily a religious person, but teaching myself to accept what I can't change, then changing what I can, has really got me through some difficult periods.

Lynda

[Lostflutterby]

Hi Lynda thank you for taking the time to reply. I have a baby doctor and a mental health doctor and went off my medication just before I fell pregnant as there was a risk of birth defects and I didn't want to take that chance. Do you mean "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference?" Was our daily prayer in high school lol. I'd forgotten about it. My daughter is very good at cleaning up but it's still not easy. She also likes to disappear and play a video game with dad for about an hour a day. I usually sleep when she does that. I feel so out of it sigh.

[pipsy]

Hi Lostflutterby. Yes, Grant me the serenity etc. Your daughter is probably wanting to spend time with dad before the baby comes and he is caught up with that excitement. Is your daughter happy about the impending arrival? If there's issues there, that could cause problems. Can you relax in the same room as your hubby and daughter while they play? Perhaps suggest a game together. Sleeping is also a way of escaping the depression you feel. In one way it is good that hubby is there to entertain your daughter, knowing he is there to relieve that pressure will help when the baby comes too. My first hubby (my kids father) was extremely good in that way. I got to a similar point as you where I lost interest as I became too big to do much. I remember my daughter asked one day if the baby would ever get here, as she was getting sick of mum 'waddling'. Once your baby makes his appearance and you get him settled into a routine, most of your feelings of 'left out' will probably start to fade. These last few weeks always seem harder somehow. All you want is for the baby to be born so you can see 'you' again.

Lynda

[Lostflutterby]

Yeah I am feeling a bit like that. My daughter can't wait for her sister to get here, we went to the shops the other day and bought a few things, my 3y.os choice. I keep telling myself that in a few months I can get back on meds and everything will be OK. But I can't let it keep going as it is.