HI angeplussix,
christopher banks is right with regard to discontinuation syndrome, when coming off or stopping meds. I am about 7 weeks into a massive reduction in my meds, all my own doing. i was on a mood stabiliser, 2 different anti-psychotics, an antidepressant, and now im just taking a reduced dose of one of the anti-pyschotics medications. i felt a bit unwell physically when stopping the anti d, but this anti-psychotic is proving very difficult to stop.
i just want a break from my meds. history for me says i will and do crash and burn anyway, and like has finally been acknknowledged, it doesnt happen in a minute. there are prior signs, which sometimes i am aware of, others not so much.
the headaches nausea and vomiting from stepping down the anti-psychotic medication were really bad. but my mental health case worker told me it wasnt possible because it wasn't a drug of addiction!! i laughed at him, cos i know damned well that the effects are real.
they are currenly trying to get me on a different mood stabiliser again, but i dont want it. that has not been the answer in the past, and im not willing to go there again. esp given my predisposition to bad medication practices.
what i would want, is just a level field. not too high, nowhere near the dark. its something i have been struggling with my whol;e life, but esp the past 5 years. ive had every drug available, ive had three courses of ect, all against my will, and the benefits all too short lived. i dont know what the answer is. i dont believe its all in the meds, and i think before too long i may end up back on some of the meds i have quit. im falling, gradually. the days are long. the nights are even longer. my thoughts are a million miles an hour, im forgetting things, important things, and im becoming socially phobic. all part of the illness i know, but it doent make me any lmore accepting of it. and maybe thats half the problem. when im dosed up, and on top of thwe world, i feel like nothing bad will ever happen. im living forever, going to study even more than i already am, excel at work, and just let what be be. thats when i quit my meds. cos i dont need them. im flying. yes, i know, maybe there is a connection between quitting and becoming bipolar depressed, but i argue that one with myself many many times a day. id like to think that in time to come, maybe something will keep me level, or at least less likely to fly or dive to the highest or darkest places.
i wish you well and definitely would see if you could have some sort of meds just to get you through this.
regards,
ariel x
