Bad experience with therapist. Having to go without a therapist for a while. Not coping overly well.

Guest_125 · ‎17-10-2017

Just wanting to get this off my chest I guess. A few sessions in, and my last therapy session didn't go so well. I got really overwhelmed in the face of him challenging me through the CBT. I cried and then kind of shut down - couldn't organise my thoughts and couldn't bring myself to speak and struggled to make eye contact.

I have been undergoing CBT and have found it to be quite an invalidating experience at times. Towards the end he softened his approach which eased me up, and at the very end he didn't try to make a new appointment - he just said he would contact me with his appointment availabilities to make me a new appointment.

He was supposed to contact me early last week and still hasn't contacted me. It is now heading towards the 2 week mark since my last appointment and I can feel myself slipping backwards, especially because of the situation with my therapist. It is really hurtful because I feel like he has either forgotten about me or doesn't want to see me anymore.

I know that the obvious thing might be for me to be the one that reaches out, but I can't bring myself to do it. I just feel ashamed about how I was at my last appointment.

Because of this my husband has made me an appointment with my GP to look at getting me a new therapist. It's not for another week and a half, and then who knows how long until I get someone new. The uncertainty of when I will see someone next is really hard to cope with. The hardest thing about it is that this is my first ever therapist and it has turned into a rubbish experience. I feel really defeated at the moment.

geoff · ‎18-10-2017

hello Kitty, I wouldn't accept what your psych/therapist had done to you and it's obvious they don't want to see you again, well if they did then an appointment would have been made, but it's not right for them to pick and choose who they want to see that's unprofessional.
Whether you were chastised by them is no way any treatment should be performed, simply because and as you've mentioned, you close down.
My latest psychologist who I only had seen for 5 or 6 sessions was also in the same league, he told me that I don't need to take any medication at all, AD's, pain killers or anything else, simply because he has never needed to take anything, 'the mind cures all', so I posed a couple of questions to him, 'have you had a hip replacement'or what about at the dentist' and his answer was no, a rather naive guy and he was in his 60's.
He also said that I shouldn't have OCD but said he could help me with PTSD, that never happened nor did I go back to see him.
If I was you there is no way I would go back and see him, these people are supposedly trained to help us and with due care.
Good luck with your next therapist/psych. Geoff.

Guest_125 · ‎18-10-2017

Thanks geoff. Sounds like a bit of a tricky person you've had to deal with. Have you found someone new now?

Looking back I think there were several issues right from the start with mine. I just wasn't thinking straight enough to see them. He just didn't listen very well and didn't understand me. He kept comparing my behaviour at home with my husband to his and his wife's and he seems to have a lot of issues with his wife. I think that any slight similarity immediately had him pigeonhole me. He just wouldn't truly listen and address my issues. It was never going to work for me.

Feeling annoyed at him now. Better than blaming myself like I was about 6 hours ago I guess!

geoff · ‎18-10-2017

hi Kitty, with depression you can't think clearly and maybe your issues were too close to what's been happening at home with his wife, and instead of taking it with her, he suddenly made you the culprit.
They should be trained so that this never happens, he is meant to be helping you, rather than taking you as how he would like to talk to his wife, but can't.
You are best being away from him but please let us know how you get on. Geoff.

Guest_125 · ‎18-10-2017

Yeah the problem also was that relationship issues are a result of my mental health problems. I would leave with greater guilt about those issues when I already carry guilt about what I inflict upon my husband through my depression and anxiety.

Guest_125 · ‎18-10-2017

And issues at home are just things like over-organisation of house and over-checking things, not wanting to take part socially or making things awkward in social situations because of my social anxiety, etc. The guy just picked up on the issue I have with over-organisation and ran with it, saying how badly that impacts my husband because I get upset when things aren't how they "should" be and that we'd need couples therapy. And that he and his wife have couples therapy.

Guest_125 · ‎15-11-2017

Starting with my new psychologist this week. Scared out of my mind. I've been using MindSpot in the meantime and finding it unhelpful as it's also CBT which seems good in some ways, but was bringing back memories of my experiences with the old psychologist. If it doesn't work out this time, I don't know what I can do to help myself anymore.

JackM · ‎18-11-2017

It could be that CBT is not for you.

I had CBT with a therapist before, but I really thought he was barking up the wrong tree. My general frame is positive (more than the average person), so he was trying to nail down the false construct of me interpreting my experiences in a negative light. Some bad experiences that I had he tried to get me to reframe in a subjective way to be non-negative, or at least neutral. However, the experience was objectively negative, and no amount of faking it would change it. Let me describe what happened.

Previously I was quite good looking, before I was assaulted and I required plastic surgery with multiple plates in my face (to hold my face up) and on my skull. Needless to say I now look a lot different, and I am not good looking anymore (sorry to say it, but that's the reality and not subjective negativity. My face is lopsided, very noticeably).

One day I bumped into an ex-girlfriend's friend. The first words she said to me were "I almost didn't recognise you. What happened to your face?".

My clinical psychologist tried to tell me that I was interpreting this experience in a negative light. Now, I wasn't particularly distressed by this particular interaction, although the social impact of my new appearance is distressing. This lady said nothing that wasn't the objective truth. But my CP wanted to be reframe the experience and engage in self-delusion. Reframing is for matters that could have various different interpretations, and taking the positive interpretation. There is no way to reframe this, and saying that my accurate understanding of this particular situation is somehow viewing life through a habitual negative lens is just untrue.

So it could be that the CBT isn't working for you because the CBT is not addressing your core issue.

Guest_125 · ‎20-11-2017

Did you manage to find a treatment that worked for you?

I have had my first session with my new psychologist. She wants to do some CBT with me, but also seems to encompass far more than just that in her approach. So far, so good.

Mathy · ‎24-11-2017

Hi intergalactic-kitty (that’s a great nic by the way!)

I wanted to say a belated welcome

I find it very sad when people find that a therapist/doctor doesn’t work for them, that first psychologist sounded a bit odd. I hope the new psychologist pans out well for you. I find trust and empathy to be most important, that way you feel comfortable talking/relating with this stranger. Most psychologists use CBT, but most usually have other avenues up their sleeve if needed.

Did you have time at the first appointment to mention how your experience with your previous therapist had affected you? It would be a good way of starting up a conversation about a plan for what might work best for you, and perhaps draw out some information from your new psychologist about their methods.

Should this psych not work out, I’d be looking for a different way of finding a new one - like not a GP referral. What I mean is, you find someone you want to see, and the GP uses them for your Mental Health Plan (I assume you have one?). You don’t have to accept whoever your GP puts forward - your psychologist needs to registered as clinically practicising, in order for Medicare benefits to be paid - word of mouth is often a great way to find suitable people for everything from tradies, to GPs, psychologists and psychiatrists.

I hope this one is a good one, so you can start making some progress, bestest, cheers M 🙂