Awful experience with a new GP

Boofa · ‎06-04-2017

I live in a rural area and have gathered my courage to visit a new GP because of increased anxiety and depression. I'm in tears, because he made me feel that my situation is all my own fault. I asked if I might increase my medication dosage, and he said there was no point while I kept drinking (bottle of wine a night, awful , I know, only way I can sleep without manic dreams). He suggested exercise and fresh air and sunlight and halving my alcohol intake. I've had depression since primary school but more recently anxiety. I was crying in his office and he expressed no words of sympathy/concern. I know!!!! what I need to do, exercise, see friends, cut the drinking, but the trouble is, as you all know, when you're really down, that seems (is) impossible. I know in a way he is right, but if I could have done all that, I would have. Or am I being irrational? My partner is away and I would really love some wisdom , as I'm new here. If only he knew how difficult it was to even seek help. Phew! Hope everyone out there remembers that we are really strong and will get there (trying to believe that).

Croix · ‎06-04-2017

Dear Boofa

Welcome to the bb Forum. No way you are being irrational. Your story saddens me because the GP you visited wasted a golden opportunity to do some good, try to heal a patient, help a fellow human.

You went you him, you were in need. You got unfeeling mechanistic catchphrases, not help.

OK, so cutting down the drinking is a good thing, fresh air, exercise etc etc is just fine. All of that takes place when conditions are right, then it can do some good..

He failed to address the most important issues - you were upset, in need of understanding, and a sensible realistic approach - with empathy. You probably also need your medication reviewed -it does not sound as if it is that effective. Having to supplement it with alcohol at night is a problem that should not be necessary.

Now my suggestion may be non-practical - I don't know your situation. If it was me and possible I'd try to find another GP. If you are not on a health plan that is something that might be appropriate, with either your existing or different meds, a psychologist and therapy. Both for the anxiety, the depression and sleep hygiene.

Seeking help is difficult. doesn't matter if you mean going to a doctor, or posting here - however it is essential. I've had anxiety for a very long time, plus depression on occasions, and I know I could not get out of the trap by myself, some support had to come from outside.

You said our partner was away. Do you get support at home? Is there anyone you can confide in and be understood?

I'd suggest you have a browse around the Forum and see how others have coped in similar situations. I'll also mention for the future when things are better a thread called Battling the Booze run by a lady called Kaz who is sensible and has seen it all -personally. I'm not judging, I understand your position, just mentioning.

Please post again and say more about yurself

Croix

geoff · ‎07-04-2017

hello, I was also told this by a psychologist and a psychchiatrist who I only saw once, because they didn't understand why I was drinking, it was because I was severely depressed and needed it to fall back on, but I then found a new doctor who was also my psychologist who knew what I was doing and why.
It's great for people to say 'you drink too much and need to cut down' but they aren't you and don't have any idea of what you are struggling with, so how can they understand the pain you are going through, they can't.
Once you feel better then you may cut your intake as I have done and only drink socially now, but before I was called an alcoholic.
I know that if you drink alcohol then your medication doesn't have the full impact it should have, but this shouldn't stop them from increasing your dosage, so yes I would also try another doctor, but I certainly know what you are talking about. Geoff.

pawsy · ‎07-04-2017

Hi Boofa, I was sorry to read this happened to you. What a goose (the GP). I agree with you, we all know we should get more exercise, fresh air and drink less! That is advice you can get off a box of Special K. You dont need a Dr for that... Sigh. I used to drink way too much, and a psychologist I went to see about that said to me 'You know, you always have a choice about drinking'. Which I thought was a ridiculous thing to say to someone with an obvious, ongoing dependence on alcohol ( and i still think it was a ridiculous thing to say...) Fortunately i found another psychologist who understood about substance abuse and now i am gratefully sober. I dont think you are being in the least bit irrational, rather you are seeing clearly that this is not a useful approach for you. The bad news is you have to find another GP, and yes, it does take energy and courage to do that ... it is one of the hardest parts about depression I think ... the business of making appointments with doctors, and fronting up and getting things into words and ... it is a pain when it goes bottom up and youre back to square one. Nevertheless there are good GPs out there, and good psychs who can help. Give it another go my friend, and stay in touch here, because we can be reassuring and offer the perspective of fellow strugglers. best wishes from pawsy

Boofa · ‎07-04-2017

Thanks for taking the time, I really appreciate it. Will have to think about what my approach will be. I'm a bit too blah to write more now, but thanks so much.

Boofa · ‎07-04-2017

thanks so much for your words and time. I haven't time to write more now, family coming to stay. I appreciate your wisdom.

Dr_Kim · ‎07-04-2017

Hi Boofa,

I am wondering if given you live rurally it might not be so easy to “get another GP”. In the city we have the luxury of shopping around but in many rural areas that is not the case.

If that is your situation , I would encourage you to take stock of what your GP can provide and what they can’t … Be realistic about their limitations. They are clearly not super skilled with empathy but they have indeed read up on the research about what is effective in the treatment of depression and nothing they have said to you is actually inaccurate.

So maybe you could see your GP as somewhere you go to for information , but not necessarily emotional support .

So, where to go to get that support... That understanding that will help you find the motivation that you want to make changes to feel better. That may come from a support group, a community group ( e.g. a church group or a walking group or a book club ), or hopefully a good counsellor that you can access in your area.

If you don't have any of those things, you might like to look at some self help books or youtube clips that some people have found valuable - Maybe look at Sarah Edelman “Change Your Thinking” , or Russ Harris “The Happiness Trap”.

A favourite clip of mine is Brene Brown’s Ted talk on Vulnerability . Check it out :
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

The thing is … you made yourself vulnerable to your GP by asking for help, and by posting on this forum. So in my books, you are the hero here.

You have taken so many steps already to getting to be your best self. Just keep walking. Whatever steps you make however tiny are great.

You are actually on the road to recovery already.. just keep going!

geoff · ‎07-04-2017

hi Boofa, that's OK and hope that it all goes well for you, but we do hope you can get back to us when you are able to, as you can see the site is always busy so please keep your post active, because many times people do reply back to us hoping for us to reply back to them, but your comment maybe pushed over to page 4 so that's why we may miss what you may have said, so keep it on page 1 or page 2. Geoff.

Boofa · ‎08-04-2017

Hey Geoff, silly question, but if I reply to you, can other "posters" see what I write? Cause it is tiring to reply to each person (not sure how it all works). I was very upset when I posted and in a fairly anxious state. Everything I wrote was true, but also open to question, once more calm. The doctor was very thorough in questioning me, but perhaps culturally (he is German and middle aged) made our communication more difficult. I found what Dr Kim said quite helpful, because I am a bit isolated geographically, maybe I just acknowledge he is NOT Dr Empathetic! There is a psychologist in town one day per week, so I think I will do a mental health care plan and see her. Am feeling more rational today, but Ifeel we still have a long way to go before mental health is treated like physical health, after all, they are so intertwined. Phew. Thanks everyone.

Boofa · ‎08-04-2017

Thankyou DR Kim, now that I am feeling more calm I can see the sense of what you have said, given how much energy it would take to drive 45 minutes to my nearest regional centre and to have to explain my history all over again, to someone who may be no improvement. as I said to Geoff, there is a psychologist in my town one day per week. I guess what was so upsetting is that he is a GP and yet I couldn't seem to explain to him the difficulty of what he was asking, when some days if I get out of bed, shower and do the dishes is a good day. Most people who have had dep/anx as long as I have, know all the research, CBT, mindfulness, monitoring self talk etc, it's just fighting through the fog to do them. I'm really glad I found this forum.