Are my issues important enough for treatment?

[Moonstruck]

I am wondering if my issues/situation/problems etc actually justify my seeking help from a psychol....or even being on this Forum (which I have found an enormous help) I have an appt in couple of weeks and concerned she'll think I'm wasting her time...or simply complaining about 
"life".

My friends on here have seen me thru Panic Attacks and deep sadness, confusion, extreme anxiety situations and endless tears - but compared to others' problems - mine seem quite trivial.  Do others in the older age group (with adult kids, grandkids etc) have trouble "letting go of the past"?....Lately memories of decades ago are SO vivid...causing me both guilt (for being a bad mother, person, wife etc) - pain, regret, suffering like I did then...as if it is happening all over again!

I went to a psych a few months ago in a bad way - began telling her about guilt over my son and how his life has turned out, blaming myself, explaining the horrible years he went through as a child, teenager etc....when describing his current situation she said "Sounds like a pretty good life to me - half his luck!"........which made me feel an absolute fool.

When going into my own childhood and terrible experiences with my mother...she listened politely...but just like a friend you're having a coffee with would do...nodding her head saying "Oh yes...." or something to that effect. (I had NEVER told ANYONE about these events before)

I went home thinking I was being a drama queen or something........my pain is real - my guilt is real - my fear is real - if my new "friends" on Forum can understand, why doesn't a professional?  

Should I cancel the appointment with the new psych?........your thoughts would be welcome.....MS

[blondguy]

Good Morning Moonstruck

I dont think you should cancel. Your background is similar to mine..Your feelings are real and can impact your life.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by keeping your appointment. Letting Go can sometimes be difficult as our past can have a definite affect on our life quality now. Letting Go does take practice, but it is possible and is a form of relief even when partially managed.

Those memories of years ago can be fresh and still 'active' in our minds. Venting to a good psych can be a huge bonus. I cheat a lot and see my great GP every 2-4 weeks to keep me 'in check' if I start to hook back up with any old feelings that are decades old or even recent ones too.

The other psych you visited who said "Sounds like a pretty good life to me"....Oh Dear...what a blase and insensitive group of words they are!

I have a lot of respect for you Moonstruck as a person and the kind help you provide to sufferers too 🙂

By seeing your psych you are being 'Kind to Yourself'.....I think your plan is good one...Go For It

I hope your day is good to you Moonstruck...You Deserve It

Paul

[Paul]

Hi Moonstruck

Don't cancel your appointment. The fact that you have been through "Panic Attacks and deep sadness, confusion, extreme anxiety situations and endless tears" can mean you need a hand with something and the course of action you're taking is the right one!

I feel your upset and confusion come through in your post and I understand it's really tough and upsetting, especially when there's doubt and possibly feeling guilty over not wanting to waste anyone's time. I can promise you that you won't be wasting anyone's time!

It's weird. Guilt and associated emotions are part of depression too - that's why I have said first up about still visiting the Psych.

The Psych that you saw who paid you a platitude about your son doesn't seem to be a good match for you. A bit of compassion and some more questions to help explore the emotions is most certainly what a psychologists job is.

An example: If you went to a psychologist and said "I'm just feeling lonely" they would help and try to understand and provide you some tools to make the loneliness less of an impact.

This reminds me of when I first started looking for a bit of help. I went to about 3 psychologists. One I felt didn't care and was bored, the second just wanted to tell me what was wrong and the third insulted my intelligence. (I was only 25 at the time so it was difficult) I chatted to my GP about the problems I had had finding a psych who I felt comfortable with. He then suggested a psychiatrist. I visited the psychiatrist and things started moving.

My point here is that it might take a bit of looking around to find a psychologist who you feel right with. It's a relationship of sorts and sometimes it just doesn't work out - it's no one's fault.

Please don't give up, emotions that bubble up to the surface like guilt, pain and regret coupled with deep sadness and anxiety attacks are emotions that, as you mentioned, real to you. The emotions that bubble up again and re-visit you are sometimes left overs that need your attention and exploration even though it can be painful. The sadness and anxiety seem to be the ones trying to get your attention.

There is a checklist here on the site which is a very rough indicator of whether you may have depression or anxiety. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10

Finally, you're welcome to tell us more about how you're feeling if you feel comfortable.

Take care!

Paul

[Janksie]

Dear moonstruck, 

 i think Paul is right in what he saying, and I think that finding the right psychologist is very important, I went to two of them and couldn't find one that I could actually talk to you, I just couldn't come out with the real thing that was really feeling and she kept jumping from one topic to another without reaching the core of the problem. It felt nice to talk about it but I didn't find any solution to my problems or to the way I was feeling.   I feel that if you are not comfortable with this psychologist or she looks bored and disinterested and doesn't help in any way, it would be good to talk to your GP for a referral to one who can really make things right for you.

all the best 

[Moonstruck]

Thank you all for your replies - I so appreciate your taking the time. Yes I will keep the appointment and promise myself not to "act" my way through it..sounding all competent and "together".

Yesterday while driving, in a semi-rural setting - approaching place of destination from the other direction, (rather than my usual turn-off) and found I had made a slightly wrong turn and was on a major highway - I could see the place...but couldn't figure out how to get to it!  Of course my anxiety started to rise and I thought "Oh No, please breathe deeply...don't start to panic while driving a car...on a busy highway!!"

I just kept going steadily in one direction - quite a bit out of my way - until I got onto familiar ground....had to speak calmly to myself all the way - it was very scary...but yes, I have to do something - and tell someone exactly how I am feeling.....the ugly bits too I guess.

Have others had to reveal unpleasant, ghastly stuff about themselves and the past?  It is not all a pretty story - I am not proud of some of it!

Thank you again for your support - it touches me a lot!   have a calm evening...luv to you....M

[Paul]

Hey Moonstruck

I can guarantee you that all of us have had to reveal the ugly parts and painful parts of our lives to our psychologists or psychiatrists.

I think the more openness there is the more it fills in the picture and the better the treatment will be.

Hugs. Paul.

[Kazzl]

Hi Moonstruck my friend. Firstly, I agree with everything the others have said - keep your appointment and see if this one is better than the last.

As for revealing the ugly stuff - I have found it liberating. I've recently opened up at work and revealed much about my struggles with depression and alcoholism to people who didn't know (a few immediate colleagues already knew, but these people - who I'm working with on a workplace mental health program - didn't).

I could tell some were very surprised, because I seem like a very together professional person, but their reaction was not only understanding but empowering for me. They were impressed that I'd overcome the booze and that I could talk about it, which in turn made it easier for me to talk about my ongoing mental health issues. I feel like, in a sense, I've 'come out' and it's great!

It truly was liberating. Not that i'm saying tell the world the ugly bits, just that getting it out of your head and into the open with your psych might help you see it differently. You too have done so well to overcome things (like the booze). Be proud of them, and work on your feelings about the rest. You can't do that alone.

And it's really good to see you again mate.

Kaz

xx

[geoff]

dear Moonstruck, hello and what the others have said is true, because you had seen a psych on perhaps a bad day for her and wasn't particularly interested in what you had to say, so that's taking money from someone on false grounds, in other words she didn't deserve to be paid her fee.
A great deal of people who post their comments on a site like this believe that others are worse off, this maybe so, but when we talk to you about how you feel then that's who we reply to and no one else, so we concentrate on what you have to say and certainly what is upsetting you.
These awful memories are certainly what you need help with, and because they have stuck in your mind then that's what is causing you the struggle.
I would have challenge this psych and asked her 'why are you saying that', but when we are in this position our mind does go blank so we freeze up, but it was a very unfortunate situation and please don't blame yourself.
I would take another approach with this new psych, and you could start by telling him/her that you have been crying all the time, because you're been really sad/upset about how you have been lately, so they will ask you some questions, and you could reply by saying that I think I'm suffering from PTSD over so many issues from the past, and it's now affecting everything.
Please don't cancel your appointment, because if you do then all of these issues will still be hurting you, and we also want to help you get through all of this. Geoff. x