Anxiety Group Therapy Bullying

[biscotti81]

I recently joined up an anxiety group therapy program of say 10 people suffering anxiety who attend on a weekly basis, run by a psychologist, who share their struggles with anxiety, together with the facilitator discussing different topics each week.

I suffer from Generalised Anxiety Disorder, social anxiety and major depression plus chronic illness/pain. It was a big step for me to go along to the group.

I suffer from a great deal of social anxiety in groups. As the weeks have gone by, it became apparent that most of the members suffered from anxiety however on the lower end of the spectrum. I being the only one with an anxiety disorder.

Fair enough. I usually speak when asked and offer my comments when I feel up to it, however mostly am quiet during the sessions. Social anxiety causes me to freeze in group situations like these. This together with my pain levels and body tremors, make things a little difficult.

There is another lady attending the group sessions who I noticed last week was rolling her eyes and smirking at others and the leader whenever I said anything. This then made people react, which made me turn around and look at her, and she would quickly change her demeanour.

Today, while I was having a particularly bad day and became quiet emotional in the group, expressing my frustration and some of my struggles with anxiety, some other members shared their stories also and displayed empathy. It was then that another member offered to be a support person for me and this lady rolled her eyes and smirked at this other lady which made her stop and look at her, which made me turn around and realise she was engaging in this behaviour. She continued to do this to others while talking to me and the group facilitator also.At break time, I got up and went to outside and then returned after a few minutes. Upon entering the room again, I overheard her say "Oh, she probably went to ......." in a snide way. It was then that I lost it.

I turned around and said to the facilitator thank you however I'm leaving the group. I then turned around to this lady and said "I can see you rolling your eyes at me and others and smirking. You are a bitch, a bully and a narcissist"

I then stormed out in tears, the facilitator followed me, saying that I was very inappropriate, that I should leave. I told her that if she witnessed this, why did she allow it to continue and why should I pay for the remainder of the therapy (which is stipulated in their consent form x4)

[biscotti81]

Your response resonated with me so deeply. I cried reading it. As you said, nobody knows what it feel like for a child to grow up without the love of their mother. I need to mourn more and acknowledge that little girl crying out andyes, Tony, I will make them accountable and practice doing so.Warm regards

[Cornstarch]

I’m sure you’re a very lovable person. Your Mum has missed out. You can talk to me about the “washing machine” or “dumped in the surf” brain sensation anytime. I totally get it. It confuses children and screws with
their bonding and attachment and sense of who they are. A constant barrage of insults when you are young and still developing tend to do that!

Grief will be a regular visitor, and if your folks haven’t passed on, contact with them can be extremely stressful. You will feel like a little kid again just having to communicate. I’ve cut cords with some very long term friends recently. I was absolutely horrified to discover that I had subconsciously recreated my parents in befriending them. I hung my head in disbelief and cried when it dawned on me and I finally saw the situation with clarity. I’d essentially recreated the father/daughter relationship we had. I just thought how could I possibly have such a low opinion of myself that I would want to relive that situation all over again. But I was on automatic pilot, I wasn’t even consciously aware I’d done it until I’d got enough distance from them that I could see it for what it is. It hasn’t been easy breaking old patterns of attachment but I finally had enough self-belief to just give them the finger and go, "Na, go away leave me alone". I’m better off without you. Even now I have moments when I am compelled to contact them, but then I realise that I am re-enacting the fear of my Dad not loving me. Running back to them is also another way of subconsciously begging for forgiveness because everything was our fault. If I’m not careful my entire life could become one big theatrical re-play, of me desperately searching for the love he is incapable of giving me. It’s like trying to feed a hungry ghost who has a bottomless stomach. Impossible, and very painful. It wasn't my fault. And I'm fed up with begging. He projected all of his own pain onto his children and expected them to carry it in sacks on their backs their entire lives. I'm not doing it.

"I believe in you biscotti81 and White Knight. Just hold this space. Don't try to change it, push it away or fix it. It wasn't your fault. Peace."

[biscotti81]

Thanyou for your kindness and support. You're very wise. I'm glad you were able to find the strength to leave your dysfunctional family and friends. Most people in those situations stay trapped in the cycle of abuse out of fear and loneliness. It definitely isn't easy.

My biggest struggle is attachment to women. All my life I've struggled with maintaining and forming bonds with other females. I'm a magnet for toxic/ narcissistic women and bullies.

I can't help I'm flawed. I don't fit the usual mould of how women act. I'm not competitive, bitchy or popular, which has always made me an outcast. That combined with my mixed bag of anxiety issues makes it harder.

I wish I had a surrogate mother to guide me and teach me 😞

[Lost_Girl]

Hi biscotti,

Just a thought but if you have some time spare you could consider doing some volunteer work where you will meet others with kind hearts.

Volunteering at a nearby aged care facility may be beneficial to them and you. There are a lot of women there who have no visitors. There are women with amazing stories and life experience. My Mum used to visit people in my home town who had no family. She would take me with her. There's so much wisdom to gain. Every xmas we would have a collection of random oldies join us. It is very rewarding. Just a thought.

Another option is "meeting place" where there are lots of group types based on interests. There are even ones for anxiety and depression.

Kind thoughts,

Carol

[Cold_Mirror]

Hi Biscotti. I'm sorry you had to put up with this behaviour. If the psychologist saw the behaviour, then they bear some responsibility in not letting it get out of hand.

You describe yourself as an outcast, but I think there are probably people out there who would appreciate you. I thought of myself as the unpopular one but, as I've gotten older, I've found friends with similar interests and values. I do tend to be a target for bullies though. (Sigh.)

I think Lost girl's advice about volunteering is worth considering. It might take some courage to walk through the door, but you'll meet a variety of people and maybe some females with whom you'll have things in common.

[Cornstarch]

Thanks Biscotti,

It's hard to think of yourself as strong when your symptoms are so horrid. Don't you worry I have made a fool of myself many times. In fact I had the supreme joy in May/June this year where my PTSD flashbacks went so berserk that I started vomiting while out and about, waiting for a bus or exercising. How delightful. How attractive. So sexy. People no doubt assumed I was drunk. Why wouldn't' they. One bloke asked if I was Ok everyone else just stayed away.

Some people have dramatic nightmares, I'm lucky all the melodrama happens during the day and most times in public places, in the full view of perfect strangers, colleagues, friends, family or known randoms.

We don't get to chose our family unfortunately. Take care

[biscotti81]

Thankyou for your support. I hope each day ahead is kinder to you. Take care X