Anti withdrawal . When will it stop

Mdy · ‎25-01-2018

I made the decision to take myself off antidepressants after 15 + years. (I have my reasons) . I know I am in withdrawals . It has been 6days now. I am tired of the tears . I am tired of the restless sleep. I am tired of the nightmares & dreams. I am tired of feeling ill. I am tired of feeling alone in my head. I am tired feeling guilty. I am tired of the heat. I am tired of the sparks going off in my head constantly. I am tired. My husband knows , but can't help. He has told our adult kids but they are too busy to take time & say are you ok. They have their own family to take care of. My mum used to be able to know but she is 88 & can only focus on her own problems now .

JessF · ‎25-01-2018

Hello Mdy, medication withdrawals are nasty. I'm not going to debate you about whether or not you should be stopping the medication, but I will say that tapering off rather than going cold turkey is the much better option. My doctor helped me with this when I made the decision to stop taking medication. The withdrawal symptoms will be clouding your mind and making your depression worse. I have had those symptoms you describe, including the sparks, and they are horrible. I really can't suggest seeing your GP strongly enough to help you out with a proper programme to come off the medication if that's what you really want.

james1 · ‎25-01-2018

Hello mdy,

Medications are a personal choice and coming off them is a brave move. But I agree with JessF that it's also important to speak to your GP. After all, if you really don't like their advice and think it's the wrong thing to do, you don't have to follow it. But, chances are, they will be able to help you because they've worked with many others who have wanted to come off medications.

Separately to the medication side effects, I am worried about how you are feeling generally. You mention a lot of symptoms of depression which the medication would make worse, but not create from nothing. How are you going generally?

James

Mdy · ‎25-01-2018

last time I saw my GP He thought I was having anxiety issues apparently (I though I might have been have heart problems) . He gave me a script to increase the dosage of my Anti's. I didn't have the script filled. I didn't want to up the medication. If anything I wanted to down the dosage eventually. That was only a few months ago.

A week ago I had an issue which started me wondering why the meds weren't working. So in my mind I thought , what's the point of being on them if they are not working.

i know, you will say I should have taken the higher dosage. But that is not what my mind was thinking.

Now I am 6 days in withdrawal & I can't turn back. I have to see this through . I just wish I didn't have such a busy week coming up. I just want to hide away.

Mdy · ‎25-01-2018

Thank you JessF , I agree with you on what I should do. But that's not where my mind is now. I need be in control of my decision right now. Because I feel I don't have any control over anything else.

I have asked the Dr several times over the years about coming off them, but he just says WHY, if they are working. You may also say why, if they are working... but they are not working and because of them I am not the person I used to be or the person I want to be. They keep me limbo. I don't get excited about anything. I don't feel the compassion I used to feel. There are no highs , when I know there should be . People say to me you must be excited about this or that, but I just say yes, but really I'm not. I should feel like the luckiest person in the world . I have 2 great kids & 6 wonderful grandkids. I am suppose to be retired but instead I'm just tired. We have just built a brand new house (our forever home) . Instead I feel guilty because I'm not excited about it. I am just existing at the moment . Thanking you for being patient & letting me let out some stuff .

Mdy · ‎29-01-2018

Hi again JessF & James1

i couldn't stand the withdrawals any longer and took my tablet which made me start feeling ok within hours of taking it. I was surprised, but felt a failure. Another thing I can't carry through with. But in saying that I am only taking the meds when the head starts to spark. Otherwise I'm ok. This is about every 3rd day at the moment but I'm hoping to stretch that out. Perhaps I will succeed after all.

Thank you for listening

JessF · ‎29-01-2018

Hello Mdy, well done, it sounds like you've got your own tapering regime happening now. Try not to think of yourself as a failure, it's just a biological reality with those pills unfortunately. The side effects should go away much quicker now that you're coming off slowly. You can get pill dividers from the chemist to reduce the dosages by half and quarter. It's harder to do that with capsules, but if you are able to space it out by a few days and then a bit longer each week as your'e doing you should be fine.

james1 · ‎30-01-2018

Hello Mdy,

Good on you. It's important sometimes to remember that your body won't always move at the same pace as your mind. I suppose medication is kind of like addictions - going cold turkey is sometimes worse than tapering off over a period of time.

I know you haven't had a good experience with that particular doctor who doesn't seem to listen to you. But perhaps if you have any further troubles, are there any other GPs in the area who specialise in mental health and would be more understanding of the issues you're having with the medication?

James

Mdy · ‎21-02-2018

Hi it's me again. I'm still determined to go off the anti depression meds. I'm down to two tablets a week . One after 3 days & one after 4 days. It all depends on what I have to deal with during the week as to when I take them. I have just now made an appointment with the Dr to ask him to give me a script for a lower dosage so I can take another step down. It's all trial and error at the moment.

I feel I have been experienceing a lot of menapause symptoms since trying to quit the meds. I think I remember the Dr telling me that one of the ingredients in this particular tablet had St Johns Wort in it & I believe that is suppose to be a natural remedy for menopause symptoms. So now I feel like I'm getting all those symptoms I may have missed out on all at once now. but I'm not going to let that deter me. I'm going to continue to try & be anti depression free eventually. If I knew 20 years ago that it was going to be this hard to stop taking them. I would have thought twice about starting them in the first place. The physical effects on the brain are just crazy.

Anyway it's a long lonely night for me tonight because this has been my 3 day without a tablet. I will be taking it again tomorrow (4th day) .

Mdy · ‎09-04-2018

Here I am again. Didn't work & couldn't stand the sparks going off in my head any longer. Wound up back at the Dr who put me on special tapering off meds. Finished them & 3 days later I'm back to square one. Now on a newer med as the one I was on isn't one Dr subscribe anymore (apparently) . This is not what I wanted to achieve . But I can't keep pretending all is fine when crying is the first option when anyone says boo. I'm afraid acceptance is not my strongest point.