Annoyed at finding a letter from my psychiatrist saying I had Borderline Personally disorder , So I confronted him & he denied it

[SleepingisWhenImHappy]

I’m just wondering if anyone else has had the above ever happen too them ??

I was told that I had severe depression, which was no surprise really , after losing a dad and Mum I was close too.

thrown in a few health issues and a difficult siblings too deal with wrapping up Dads home and affairs , I had to play Fake ( something hard too do but a must to keep it as peaceful for my own wellness also) Knowing all along once everything was wrapped up I am down with them both , as they treated dad with disrespect some consider both my parents did a very good job in raising us , I don’t except them too treat me with compassion if they couldn’t even visit an 80 plus man who was nothing but kind. So in essence I have no family now , as I didn’t have children,

. I moved in a year ago however I’m 20% unpacked due to depression and back surgery needed. I live in bed . I found a letter to my doctor saying I had BPD , ?? It was personally disorder, when I looked into it I was SO UPSET!! As reading about it , sounded like a tough gig , however a lot of my past kinda made sense with some things , anyway , I can’t find the paper it was written on. It ended up putting me into a total tail spin. I booked into see the psychiatrist and I must admit , I was a bit rude, As I told him about it and asked “ Why did you not just tell me ??? As I had been seeing him over 2 years and was trying to understand why I couldn’t bet depression, can’t we get a brain scan which he claims they don’t do which makes no sense to me , considering on Dr phil you see they have doctors that need the brain scans to SEE THE PROBLEM!! Anyway he looked thur his notes , but claimed he only had half

I feel like I can’t trust him anymore, so I haven’t been back since the day I confronted him on it

I also have come of my antidepressants , as they where making me sweat with other medicine pills back pain etc and menopause thrown in there. it’s helped with the endless sweating , I’m still down but no worse of than when on pills

i can’t say the name of who I was seeing , however he does have some bad reviews, and at times I would leave thinking 🤔 I’m not so sure I agree with his ideas 💡 I mean I’m down but I still can think common sense etc

thanks for anyone reading this ! I’m living in bed , stuck ! Can anyone suggest anything or had a similar conversation about the same thing , as I’m left wondering now do I have BPD or not ??

appricate anyone s feedback thanks ❤️🤔

[Sophie_M]

Hi Sleeping is When I’m Happy,

We're sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship with your psychiatrist. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, and we're glad you had the bravery and openness to share it here.

Dealing with health and mental health challenges can be extremely difficult, and we want to make sure you know we're here and you can talk to us if it any point you need support. Just call our helpline on 1300 22 4636, or go to: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

Thank you for sharing. We really hope it helps you to talk, and to hear from people on the forums.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[SleepingisWhenImHappy]

Thanks for reply,

im so tempted to ring for help but part of me dreads it, years ago I rang a helpline and I don’t ever want to sound ungrateful however it left me feeling worse. I’m worried that it could happen again. I don’t know, but I have to get out of this bed I’m simply excising which too me seems pointless. I’m now rambling.I will have a good think about contacting someone at your beyondblue and thank u as I do appreciate everything you offer and do to help those who are so in need of help. Have a blessed day Me 

[therising]

Hi Sleeping is When I'm Happy

I feel for you so deeply as you try so hard to navigate your way through so many overwhelming mental and physical challenges.

What may appear as natural intelligence to some can appear as a psychological label to another. For example, while one may see a personality disorder, another may see someone as having introduced a new personality aspect into their life so as to create a greater sense of order. The circumstances may dictate what part of our self comes into play. I'd spent most of my life being a people pleaser until I discovered that suppressing the b**ch in me was one of the things messing with my mental health. Following this revelation, things changed. These days, if someone degrades me, the sage in me may come into play, asking 'Why would you be so degrading when you have the chance to be more thoughtful?' If a person's obviously degrading and quite often, cue the b**ch. 'Were you born degrading or is this something you've managed to master over time?' There are even times where I know I need to employ both. The sage aspect acts as a bit of filter which stops me from burning bridges with certain people. A psychologist would have a field day with my nature 🙂

It sounds like you feel you have a natural intelligence when it comes to what aspects of yourself you need to call upon, even with the medication situation. Sounds like the sage may have come into play here, 'Is this med helping or is it making things worse?' You didn't settle for staying on a medication that you felt was causing problems. Wondering if it's natural for you to not settle for things you just can't settle for. Cue 'The Commander': 'Okay, I command you, get out of my life and you, I command you to stop giving me this medication!' I've found the commanding aspect of our nature to be highly efficient at times, as it can override low self esteem.

We have so many aspects to who we are. I believe, part of the challenge is to become conscious of them and then have them work for us. Wondering if you find, like me, that it's not until complete intolerance comes into play that this triggers an aspect of our self we never knew existed. It's like when you suddenly meet with complete and utter intolerance toward someone who's behaviour you'd been tolerating for years - suddenly some aspect of self comes into play, venting/yelling like a maniac and someone says 'Who the heck was that?!' You might be left thinking 'I have no idea but gee I feel good'.

🙂

[Strydz]

Hi 'sleeping' your story was very moving, I got to agree seeing a new doctor sounds like a brilliant idea- bpd is something i'm still understanding too, I have high anxiety far as mental issues go but i've overcome it in many ways over the years treatment wise..

🙂 -Chris

[SleepingisWhenImHappy]

Hi

thanks so much for your reply I appreciate you took the time. I have never taken crap from anyone my whole life , and I’m the first to burn a bridge once I am done wrong by.

i was angry for years and years but managed to get on top of that years ago, however, I am very black and white , I just don’t understand how something that’s typed up saying I have this mental illness yet then have him say no not true , makes No Sense to me at all

so if it makes no sense, I don’t know how to trust this doctor anymore , as I’m sick to death of this pill and that pill , it’s not the answer . In the states they take photos of your brain 🧠 to see where the problem lyes , like you would with a broken leg to me that make sense !

yet when I asked if he did that No we don’t , so pushing this pill that pill is guessing

as for saying I don’t have a borderline personality why put it in writing? I would or could accept the answer of , I made a mistake,or I thought it was that but was wrong but to sit there and just deny it “ That’s made me so angry and confused??? Just be honest

so I honestly don’t know what it is I need, not that ! He’s put me in a tail spin

I’m just living in bed now , day in and out ,no meds , I think hopefully I won’t wake up !

im sleeping 12hours a day, and as much as I know I should get help , I don’t as that takes effort I don’t want to be put into a system with a label 🏷

im not sure what I’m going to do, but appreciate your efforts and food for thought

take care yourself! Mental illnesses Suck !
with appreciation me 😉

[Sophie_M]

Hi Sleeping is When I’m Happy, 

We're sorry to hear about what you're going through, it sounds really, really difficult, and we hope you know that we are here for you. We hope that you can see how much courage it takes to post how you are feeling and to seek support from this community.
 
We are concerned about you and want to encourage you to check-in by giving us a call on 1300 22 4636, our team are here for you 24/7 to talk through what is happening in your life and to support you to find help in the community. You can also call our friends at Lifeline, on 13 11 14, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467, if you prefer. They are also kind, understanding and supportive. If you ever feel unsafe, this as an emergency and you need to call 000.  
 
We can hear that you're not feeling completely supported by your current psychiatrist, we think it would be a really good idea to talk to a GP or another health professional about this, so that they can help you to find some more support. You don't have to go through this alone. 
 
We hope that you can call us, or another support in your life. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it. We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. You never know who might see your post and feel less alone in their own experience.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[therising]

Hi Sleeping is When I'm Happy

It is pretty curious as to why your psych's not being entirely open about what he wrote. Maybe he's regretting it as having made a poor call, possible misdiagnosis. Maybe it's as simple as he doesn't wish to discuss his poor call. Who knows.

Looking back at my years in depression, which ended some time ago, I found a lot of the professional direction throughout depression to be somewhat questionable. While you can have absolutely brilliant naturally gifted highly intuitive mental health professionals, the rest...well...hmm...what can you say. It can kind be like 'Okay, let's take a number of months or years to get to the bottom of what troubles you' when you just feel like you don't have that kind of time, when you're thoroughly mentally exhausted whilst in some form of personal torture. All you want to say is 'Hey, dude, can we speed this up to the point where I'm feeling a difference!'. Finding the right med can also feel like some form of torture. Was lucky enough to hit on the right one first, until I came off it to become pregnant with my first child. Went back on it afterward but it was never the same. Hormones I suppose. Cue the kind of quest possibly equal to the quest for the Holy Grail, leading to the question 'Does it even exist?' I don't think professionals realise how depressing such a quest can be. Hopes up, hopes dashed, over and over. I found it was more like a quest toward identifying all the ones that didn't work. Got pretty good at it, with a lot of practice.

I can't help but wonder what systems wouldn't label you that could actually lead you to wonder more about your nature and why you think the way you do, leading to perhaps discover why your chemistry does what it does (the complex chemistry that comes with mental health issues). Could be the other way around even, could it be your chemistry that's leading you to think the way you do. I've found that finding people who can lead us to naturally wonder about things can help trigger some revelations.

Strange question perhaps but what are some of the things you naturally wonder about? Can relate to anything, like philosophy of life, mental health, physical health, why some people are naturally triggering and others aren't, why there's not more inspirational outside the square leaders in this world (including groundbreaking leaders in mental health) and so on. I imagine you wonder often why no one's able to make a difference you can actually feel.

🙂