Hi Blooming_Bel
Firstly, everyone is different, so everyone deals with withdrawals in their own way.
Secondly, dont do it unless your are ready. As you have discovered it is no easy road. Before I embarked on my journey, I had been discussing it with my psychs for quite a while.
I decided that I had to do it on my own, in solitude. I ended up having a wonderful journey through some of the most beautiful places in our country. Me and my dog.
I had decided to experiment with gradually reducing my medication (noting that when I started, I was on the maximum dose), with the objective of returning home with no reliance on meds. I achieved my objective, I am now back home, and I have not swalled a pill for over a month. Do I feel happier? No! But I feel better than when I was on meds. I tell myself. I am sufficiently self aware to know that I am likely to one day to have turn back to to medicine to balance my melancholic ways. But so far I am OK, I think.
Did I go through hell in my withdrawal? No, I did not. I was lucky that I chose my travel destination to ensure that I could stay at places where I could practice meditation and mindfulness - and, although I am no expert, I found comfort in my efforts at doing so. I was at peace with myself. The point here is that, in my opinion, you need to have the right environment if you are to attempt to separate yourself from the daily dose.
Being in the right environment also means separating yourself (even if only temporarily) from the negativity of your existing circumstances - being either family or environment. Because as you say, some people will never understand the pain and emotions that you will be going through. Not their fault at all, its just that depression is just such a complex thing that is hard to explain and cannot be explained in a simple way that everyone will understand.
There is so much more to say, but I will leave it there. If you would like to continue the conversation, I will look forward to your reply.
Take care
K
