Wife

[Hippybrad]

My wife has commenced taking an antidepressant and benzodiazepine medication. Her gp agrees she has anxiety and depression. She is suffering due to her children deciding to live with their dad and it's like  they just disappeared from our lives as if there was a car accident. She was so fit and healthy until 3 months ago and now it's like she has given up even going outside.She is doing well with our toddler.  I know I'm not allowed to suggest, encourage or make her do anything but I'm struggling with what I can do. She won't go to counselling. Her last episode was about 9 years ago before we were together and she was raising the kids with her then partner. I'm realising myself now that I should have spent more time making friends and less time making money because I have no one to share this with.  Any ideas on what I should do to get her to talk to a professional?

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Hippybrad,

Wait till she wants to.   If there's no pressure from you your wife might feel more comfortable and pick up the phone.  Give her some space, pick up with some domestic duties, reassure her that you're there and not going to jump ship like the kids that left to stay with the other dad, be a patient man and, maybe, remind her that in another year or so her kids might very well return to the fold as some of these family living dynamics often don't work out.  We all want mum.

You can post here again and again.    Having friends might be good but if you read some of the other posts you'll see that divulging anything personal about depression is sometimes met with zero awareness.   I've got a thread called "Worst Family Comment re: Depression" - it's on the Depression section - and currently it's got 250+ responses with similar tales of non acceptance.

Maybe the best thing would be to find a friend that's had depression.  Then at least you'll get some insight.   Also, depression has a prognency of 1 in 7 so that little toddler has a 14% chance of getting depression too.  Your life might be a bit dark at the moment but there are many who get them and their partners through these times.  Plus, your relationship will be challenged but could grow too.

Adios, David.

PS   Does your family have any contact with the kids that zipped off ?

[jess334]

I can't imagine what your wife is going through, but I can understand depression.  

Why do you think your not allowed to suggest or encourage her?  I have social anxiety and depression. Some days the only time I will leave the house is if my boyfriend encourages me.  We both have to ignore my panic symptoms, because otherwise I won't go anywhere.  Its scary at first, but then I know he is only trying to help.  Of course if I get too distressed then we go home and try again another day. There is a difference between forcing her or ordering her to get help, which wont work, and encouraging her.  Or talking about the situation with her as a couple, it affects both of you.  

If she isn't ready to get help then it is ultimately up to her, but one of the main reasons I want to get help is because I know that my actions and moods effect my loved ones.  If it was just me I think I would give up.  

Remind her that you are there for her.  Tell her you want her to get help because your worried about her and your family.  If she truly doesn't want to get help or acknowledge there is a problem then you can't force her to.  

[integrityguy]

Hi Hippybrad

Tough one. It's good to hear that your wife gone to a GP, been diagnosed and had antidepressants prescribed. It sounds like she's taken some very positive steps so far. Hopefully the medication will sort out the chemical imbalances which cause anxiety and depression. I've heard that antidepressants can take anywhere from 2-7 weeks to kick in, and if they don't, GPs will often prescribe different meds. Either way, perhaps once they do start to kick in, your wife will be in a better place (mentally) and may be more open to the suggestion of maybe seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. All the best to you and your family 🙂