How to act when around a good friend with anxiety

[missgiggles]

Hello,

I have a friend that has social anxiety, depression and a whole range of emotional issues due to a very traumatic, terrifying past.  She confides in me and she says that telling me really helped. We are extremely close, she is like a sister.  We have decided to have regular catch-ups with just us two, as she is more comfortable one-on-one (as am I).

She is a very strong person and still attends parties with our friends (We're at the age where all our friends are getting married), but she tends to leave early, when she can feel an anxiety attack coming on.

I am not very good with words and I know that I can unintentionally "put my foot in it".  I am just wondering if there is any advice people can give me on how to keep her comfortable when she is around me.  Or how to best support her when we do go to parties.  For those of you with social anxiety, is there anything that has upset you that a friend or family member has done? or is there anything that someone has done that has helped?

Another issue is that I have a new baby, and I know she has been trying to get pregnant for a long time.  Will the fact that I have had a miscarriage and had trouble conceiving too help her to deal with me having a baby?  She seems very happy cuddling my baby, but it might just be her putting on a strong front.

Please help, I really want to help my friend through this terrible time.

-missgiggles

[jess334]

Hi Miss Giggles, 

First, I think its amazing that you are trying to get advice to help your friend.  It really really helps to have a support person when you are going through anxiety. 

I have anxiety myself and I often leave parties etc early or have difficulties getting to them in the first place.  The best thing my friends can do is be there.  Basically nothing you can say or do will actually help her get through it.  Its just something that she has to do alone.  Don;t worry about putting your foot in it, friends do that sometimes! There isn't any hard/fast rules as to what you should or shouldn't say.  

If she is doing some sort of therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, then she might have a few key 'tricks' to help her deal with the anxiety.  Sometimes it helps me for my boyfriend to remind me of them when I am too anxious to concentrate on it myself.  But only if she is comfortable talking to you about her therapy. 

As to the baby question, I don't have kids myself, although I would like to start a family soon, but I love playing with my friends children.  I think you need to accept her happiness when playing with your baby as genuine.  Maybe it does make her a little sad, but it probably makes her very happy too.  There is nothing as uplifting as playing with children. 

She will most appreciate your ongoing support.  Good luck!