Who can I turn to get help when my partner has Bipolar

[Brian_1958]

My partner was diagnosed with bipolar in early April this year. While she was on a real low she was fine (just wanting to feel normal) unfortunately she went from a low to being manic in early June. She has since packed and left and now living with one of her son's, She recognises that she is high which is a 1st but cannot seem to control anything. After being with her for 9 1/2 years I thought that we were actually starting to get somewhere what with now knowing that she has not been suffering depression all this time but bipolar. She has 4 grown up kids who to put it bluntly as long as she is safe they really do not seem to care or understand nor willing to try and understand what she is going through. They either laugh about when she is manic or say things like get out and go for a walk sort your stuff out. 

I feel like I am alienated and have no idea what I can do to try and help her.

We have had some really difficult and trying times over the last 4 years we started a business and had to fold that last year when she had a manic attack and as a result we have both had to declare bankruptcy, she has not been able to keep a job for more than a month and this has put a lot of strain on us financially, I wonder sometimes if I am doing and have done the right thing for us.

There are a lot of post on here about people who have bipolar and lots of good advice but really struggling to find find anything about where family members can talk or get advice about there situations. 

Please anybody reading this please do not think that I am being selfish or ignorant because I cannot imagine what it would be like to be a person that has bipolar dealing with this condition must be horrific. 

Some friends who I can open up to not having known or associated with people that have biploar simply say I would not put up with it. I feel like I do not have a choice and try keep a positive attitude in handling this issue I have to treat this the same as you would if the person you love and care for deeply had an illness that is more common and people understand more about that problem.   

[JessF]

Hello Brian, you are not selfish at all. it sounds like you are doing your best, and there is a big difference between depression and bipolar. For your partner to only find out in April this year, that's not very long ago. I am guessing she may have been through some medication changes at that time?  Some antidepressants can actually cause people with bipolar to become manic, so it's possible that the treatment she had been on for what was thought of as depression has contributed to her 'up' cycles. 

The fact that she is now recognising what phase she is in sounds like a good bit of progress, with any mental illness having that level of self awareness is a big step and can help you to recover from an episode quicker. Are you still in contact with her at the moment?  

My advice right now would be to ride this episode out if you can, and when she is stable again, sit down and talk and develop some plans for what to do in the event of an episode, whether that is either a depression episode or a manic episode. Perhaps you might even be able to see her doctor together to help you work out what to do when this happens and how you can best support her?

In terms of you feeling isolated, this is not good, and it's disappointing that friends don't understand and her kids don't seem to get it.  Because she has probably been like this all their lives, they probably just see it as "that's mum".  It's draining living with someone who is depressed or has a mental illness, and you need to have adequate support for yourself.  Have you thought about seeing a psychologist yourself for some counselling?

[AGrace]

Hi Brian, 

Welcome to Beyondblue. It sounds like you really want to support yourself, your wife, and your children in regards to your wife's mental health. Thank you, because I know how tough being a carer can be.

You're right, often there's more information for sufferers than carers. Im not sure where you live, however there is a wealth of Information on the Melbourne Bipolar Network website, especially under their FAQs section. They also offer support groups.  No doubt there would be a similar organisation in each state of Australia. I know the blackdog institute does a lot of work in WA, but they may be another good site to visit.

What sort of treatment is your wife receiving? Often mental illnesses are best approached from a culmination of treatment angles. Psychiatry, medication, Psychology, support groups. Jess has put a lot of advice on this in her post, so I won't rehash.

If your having difficulty finding more info you could chat with someone at Beyondblue via phone or webchat.

AGrace