Where do we start?

[r11]

Hi,

I never thought I'd be doing this, but I'm lost as to what to do.

I'm terrified for my son, he is 13th and he has not been a happy boy for a few months.

Over the last few weeks he has been crying inconsolably. He used to love school when he was in Primary, but he started High School this year and he hates it now.

He used to have a lot of friends, but he doesn't want to be with anyone anymore.

He didn't want to have anyone over or do anything for his birthday, and there's been a few incidents in school, nothing terrible, but very unlike him.

I've been trying to tell myself that all this is normal "teen" stuff, but last night when he was in the shower, he was sobbing out of control.... I know he needs help, I just don't know where to start.

[Aaronsis]

Hi r11

I am so very pleased that you have reached out and joined us here to get some support and some comfort and know that you are not alone in your parenting journey.

I too am a mother, I have a 13yo and a 15yo, my first instinct is to say that "normal" pretty much doesn't exist anymore and you know your son better than anyone so if you feel that he is not being his usual self and it is causing you huge concern then I would agree with you and be reaching out too.

My daughter started high school this year also and it has not been a smooth transition, sounds like your son is experiencing something out of the ordinary too. It is a really hard time for them, new people, new buildings, new teachers, trying to make new friends, leaving old friends behind, puberty and hormones and trying so very much to figure out who they are and where they fit in. It is such a frightening and rough time for parents too as we don't know what goes on at school each day, we struggle to know if we are pushing them to talk, do they want to talk, why wont they talk..it is exhausting and bloody scary.

I am so very happy you have reached out and come for some help here, I am by no means a professional but I would love to support you and try to comfort you.

Something that may help is a call to the kids help line, perhaps this is something that you might even be able to do together with your son and get him talking if not to you but to a person who is trained in childhood issues and how to communicate effectively with them, they are on 1800 55 1800. They will certainly be able to provide you with some advice as to how to manage this and start some conversations with your son.

I hear how desperate you are and I feel your pain as there are no more precious people on this earth than our kids, it almost destroyed me at the begining of the year when my daughter suffered bullying, not fitting in and she was even burnt, I was losing my mind with worry and guilt and didn't know what the hell to do. I went to the school welfare coordinator and they were able to have some conversations with her as well as let her know that there was a safe place at school for her should she need it. Everything has calmed down now I am so pleased to say.

You are not alone r11 and I would really like to provide an ear and support you through this.

Hope to chat to you soon.

Big hugs to you.

AS

[r11]

Thanks Aaronsis,

Just knowing I'm not the only one going thru a similar situation somehow makes me feel better.

I did suggest the kids helpline last night after he calmed down, but he said absolutely not.

He lost it again today and I suggested it again, but he's absolutely not receptive, even remotely, to speak to anyone.

I called the Vic Parent's helpline, and they suggested a visit to the GP.

I made an appointment already, but I highly doubt he'll want to talk to the GP at all about what he is feeling.

I'm not sure how to convince him that is ok to get help...

[Aaronsis]

Good Morning r11

Great to hear that you felt supported, it is so much easier to manage when you can talk things through with people that care and also even better if they too have experienced this sort of thing.

I totally hear you when you said he was "NO WAY" going to call the kids help line and even not receptive to speaking to the doctor, I am so glad that you have an appointment, that is a great start. I was prepared for you to say he didn't want a bar of talking to kids help line so I had this other suggestion, I am assuming he is home today??? Maybe a little sneaky on the approach here but what if you called kidshelp line, explained the situation to them, firstly get some ideas yourself and get a feel for how you think the conversation is going, then tell the person on the line that you intend to put your son on the phone, then perhaps you can say to your son "I have kidshelpline on the phone and they are requesting to speak with you". I know this is a little sneaky but it takes you out of the equation and it becomes a third party that perhaps he is less inclined to say No to.

At the end of the day though we cannot make him talk and nor to we want to back him into a corner that he feels overwhelmed with pressure and anxiety to talk. If he really wont do this I would perhaps just reassure him that you are here for him and are prepared to do whatever it takes and whatever he needs to get him over this and that you are here to support him and you love him.

I am so proud of you and you are doing a brilliant job here and this is not easy so well done. Come back and chat anytime I am here for you.

AS