Wanting to support my husband

[Lightness]

Hi, my name is Cathy and I am new here.

I am hoping to get some support on how to live and support my husband.

My husband was diagnosed with bi-polar last year ... 4 months in 'manic' stage and now he is just a 'shell'.

Since February this year he has just been so flat, no confidence, no emotion, no joy.

I am finding it hard myself to stay positive and energised some days and just feel a bit alone here and not sure where to look for support...am I in the right place?

[Carmela]

Hi Cathy,  welcome to Beyondblue!

I can see from your post that you and your husband are struggling with staying positive. Unfortunately, there is no hard or fast rule to obtaining one’s vitality back. It’s a gradual process of hope and recovery.  I cannot comment about the bi-polar experience as my husband has depression; however both he and I found ourselves in long periods of hopelessness. 

My husband sought medical help and consulted a phycologist to help him in his darker days. This was very important to his recovery. I myself went to a counsellor and also joined a carer’s support group which l found through ‘Carers Australia’. You can Google it and it should be the first option that appears. The support group allowed me to communicate my thoughts and feelings in a non-judgemental environment. I still attend the monthly sessions and find it gives me clarity and piece of mind.

In the earlier days with my husband’s depression, we both had slowly slipped into a very mundane lifestyle and forgot how to have fun. My Counsellor suggested I write down all the activities that we both enjoyed together and make a real effort to introduce them.   She asked that I organise the first activity. This was a 1-hour walk along the beach. Now this might be something that is easy for many couples, but it was a real effort for us. I slowly introduced more outings and with these little journeys, it gave us a chance to talk and just be. I believe it saved our marriage and allowed us to see the reasons why we married in the first place, as depression can cloud this at times.

Cathy, do you have family or friends you can talk to or be with when you need a ‘pick me up’? It’s a difficult load to carry being a carer and we too need some time out.  Supporting a husband with mental health challenges obviously involves some life adjustments, but make sure you don’t lose sight of your own health and wellbeing. Don’t give up on friendships, plans or activities that bring you joy. It is these things that keep us ‘light’ and in focus.

I hope I have provided you with some hope today.  Many blessing to you and your husband.

[Lightness]

Carmela, thank you so much for your words of support. Your suggestions have been heard....I will certainly look into a support group for Carer's..just what I need.

I do have good friends and 2 beautiful daughters but you know after a while you get sick of talking about it when they ask how you are...seems so repetitive.

I am starting to do a few things on my own just to create some space for myself.

It certainly does impact a relationship and finding some fun things we used to enjoy will be a good thing to focus on.

Thank you so much - I really appreciate your words. Feeling a little lost and alone at the moment and sometimes a little resentful and I know this does not help either me or my hubby so it is good to hear your words.

Thank you

[Kennaugh8]

Hi Cathy,

Welcome to Beyondblue! As mentioned by Carmela, dealing with and recovery from any mental illness is something that takes time. However, with the right support and people around them, it is possible to return to living a happy and functional life again. I understand a little about what you are going through as my uncle also has bipolar disorder. It took him a while to come to terms with it and also went through what your husband is experiencing in terms of those dramatic mood swings. It wasn't smooth sailing the whole time but I can happily say that he is and has been in a good place for some time now. 

Looking after someone can take a large mental toll on the carer so it is important to take some time out whenever possible to disconnect. It is important that you continue to do the things that bring you enjoyment. Mental illness can very quickly make you feel isolated so it is important to maintain your relationships with family and friends. It may also be worth seeing a GP or counsellor to get some coping strategies to help deal with the stress and empower you with the right tools to help you manage certain situations. 

Is your husband currently taking medication? This was something that was very effective for my uncle in regulating his mood so it may be worth looking into if he isn't already.

Everyone's circumstances are different so unfortunately there is no magic solution for everyone but persistence, hope and support are the things that both you and your husband need to get through this. Through my uncle, I have seen that it is possible to manage this so I hope that this gives you hope for your husband. 

Stay strong and please reach out when you need it.

Chris

[Lightness]

Hi Chris

I really appreciate your share and waving hope before me.

Yes my husband is medicated but we are concerned this may be contributing to him being so low. We are going to a psychologist tomorrow who case managed him when he was first out of hospital so hopefully he can help us.

It is hard to see the person you love disappear almost..like a shell and not the man I married but we will get there and I am enjoying the support from people such as yourself.

Thank you