Upset and confused

[Maxey]

My partner is suffering with depression.  We’ve had all the discussions around his guilt of feeling like a burden, not coping with responsibilities and not having any happiness in any area of his life.

I’m committed to helping him through this and have discussed the support I might need from my family and friends as I understand the toll it will take on us.  

With respect please don’t tell me to pack up and leave him.  I’m just looking for some strength and to hear experiences on how to get through the roller coaster of emotions I deal with daily.

[Maxey]

Hey there

I appreciate your honesty and openness.   Can you tell me your thoughts on reaching out?  I send occasional I love you texts, and closed messages about the day to not put pressure on a response.  

I’m toning down our regular contact by at least 75% but just want him to know I love him and I care.   How do I know if it’s too much?

[Croix]

Dear Maxey~

I can only say my own experience. My partner did not spend a lot of time sayng she loved me, in fact she had a lot to do, looking after family, household, job and me, so I guess I was treated as she normally treated me, except did not push, and if I wanted solitude she gave it to me, but was always there when I cameo out of it.

Maybe it is not a matter of your initiating things, but being constant in your own life and waiting for small snippets from your partner. Accounts of your day (non guilt making and not seeking answers) is probably the best you can do. He can read part or all of each account when he wishes and he is able to see he is still included in your life.

Dunno if that helps, everyone is different

Croix

[Maxey]

Hey there

I appreciate your honesty and openness.   Can you tell me your thoughts on reaching out?  I send occasional I love you texts, and closed messages about the day to not put pressure on a response.  

I’m toning down our regular contact by at least 75% but just want him to know I love him and I care.   How do I know if it’s too much?

[Croix]

Dear Maxey

Somehow you have ended up posting the same above message twice, I did answer it the first time and am interested you know if my suggestion was at all helpful, if not we can try to think of something else

Croix

[Maxey]

Hey there no thank you for your reply I’m still working out finding thread responses properly without getting lost.

It’s all very confusing for me.  He says he loves me but I don’t ‘feel’ it.   He’s functioning in all areas of his life except with me (I guess this is smiling depression?).  I’m the one who gets the daily work/life stress and venting but the quality time doing enjoyable things is spent on everyone else (friends and work).

I initiate low-pressure activities which are met with unenthusiastic responses if any at all which make me feel like I’m unwelcome and a burden.  He maintains that he would say no if he wasn’t up for anything, but when he agrees to anything the time is emotionless or moody.

I feel, like I’m being kept around as an emotional dumping ground while he works through this stage and I am struggling to understand why I’m the only one getting the unwell version.  

I have support and am seeing a psychologist but the days are long and exhausting.

[Croix]

Dear Maxey~

Yes it can be confusing to find the right post here, I still struggle at times.

I guess one could say that the peron ones feels the most comfortable with and the least threat is the one that a person unloads to - which is not much help to you.

I think at this stage you may have to live with your own welfare more in mind, doing more for yourself and simply accepting he is distant and appears to the rest of the world to be fine. No, I'm not suggesting leaving (or not leaving either), just that concentrating on him too much leaves you very down and confused, so it's better if you  have less of that by doing things for you.

I'm not suggesting you do not listen if he wishes to unburden himself, or give a sympathetic response, just that you will remeber at that time there are other things - does that make sense?

Croix

[yours_truly]

Hi Marcy,

It’s so great to hear that you have reached out for help and advice. You have definitely taken a great step in the right direction!! I recommend you take a look at the individualised bell services that beyond blue offers. If you take a look around the platform you can find that they have excellent services and it just may be what you’re looking for!!

kindly,

yours_truly