Too concerned for a friend?

[Tiliqua]

For the past week I've been concerned with a friend from work. Some things she has said to me indicates that she isn't happy in her marriage and she has appeared emotional.

So last Friday a group from work went out for drinks and it went on late into the night. I told her that I would make sure she got home safe. Again we spoke a bit about her situation and she spoke with others. But when I said something to her (admittedly, I can't recall exactly what it was!) she again appeared emotional.

At the end of the night she was with someone else and I didn't see her again. I spoke to her on the phone and she said she was okay, but I just didn't know for certain and said I'd call her in the morning. The not knowing caused me to stress, to the point that I couldn't sleep.

The next day I sent her a txt message at the time she said to give her a call. A couple of hours later, I sent another message letting her know I was available to talk if she wanted. A couple of hours later I got a message from her letting me know she was ok and everything was fine and that I was stessing about nothing. A short phone call later and I relaxed a bit.

I happened to be out with some other people who saw my stress and I spoke to them about it. After getting the call one of them said the problem was that I was 'too much of a gentleman' (first time to be called that!, and could be called worse things!).

So my point of posting is:

Was I wrong? Did I go too far? Should I really be worried?

[white knight]

Hi Tiliqua, welcome here.

My view is that this woman is a work colleague and not a close friend. There is usually a barrier with work colleagues and I think this woman has used work colleagues as a dump for her marital issues. I also think she herself didnt want it to go as far as it did.

Finally maybe she didnt want texts and calls on her phone about it...risk of her husband reading them etc.

Yes, you went too far but that shows you care about others. Limit your care to close friends IMO.  Cheers

[AGrace]

Hi Tiliqua,

I wonder whether your colleague feels more comfortable talking about her personal problems in a more intimate setting? Perhaps after some drinks she didn't feel it was appropriate. It's nice to know that chivalry still exists but I think leave it for her to come to you. 

Marital problems are a tricky conversation between work colleagues. It might be better to express that you are there if she needs support and then leave it at that. 

I'm not trying to judge here, but I wanted to ask if you think you may have feelings for her? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, it may explain your difficulty sleeping when you didn't hear from her. 

AGrace

[Tiliqua]

Thanks for the welcome White Knight, and thanks for the reply.

I appreciate that my post left a bit of history out of it and they are mere words on a screen that give nothing more than an indication of what may be the real situation.

Whilst she is a work colleague, she is also a true friend and I wouldn't say that she is dumping on everyone - I know she has shared with two others who are also friends but I did not pry what she confided in them and nor would I divulge what she said to me.

And whilst I said she was with someone else, the words can be misread as something more than just speaking with that person. 

I realise now that txt messages may cause problems for her, but having spoken to her she assured me everything is fine.

Again, thanks for taking the time to respond.

[Tiliqua]

Thanks AGrace for the response.

I agree that discussing in an intimate setting is more appropriate and I am cautious not to say something in front of others that may embarrass her (or anyone for that matter) or make her uncomfortable.

I also agree that it will be better to let her know that she can speak to me if she wants. I have pretty much said as much to her.

As to if I have feelings for her - I do... but that is not unusual for me. I fear that it sounds too cliche, but I cannot think of another way to describe it, but I think of her more of a sister. I have no desire to do anything but be a good friend.

When I got home, I asked my wife why does it bother me so and she said "Because that's who you are". 

I've had time to reflect a bit since my first post and I think the reasons I couldn't sleep was because I promised that I would get her home safely yet I couldn't guarantee that she did (alcohol would have played a part in my paranoia) and I feared that I had said something to upset her.

I am scientifically minded.... logic makes sense.... unfortunately our minds and actions don't always follow logic!