There's no denying it, a partner with mental illness needs tolerance. The more tolerance the smoother life will be.
Unfortunately, empathy isnt an individuals priority. It's normal to think of yourself first for you carry your body around not your partners, you do so many tasks without your partner present...so focussing on yourself has to be ok. And that is amplified by the one who has the mind issues for we are not only trying to carry out the bare basics of living chores, we are battling our demons.
So where is there room for our partners? Do we contribute enough to feed their needs of love comfort, enjoyment and care? Maybe not. And if not, what can we do to compensate as insurance they will hang around.
Our partners deserve love care and enjoyment. But there we are with our special needs, extra sleep, moodiness, frustration medications with their side effects of zombiness! It all adds up to more work for your partner. A lonely existence at times.
I visited a new GP once. After the general info about my conditions he turned to my wife "and how are you travelling"?
One of my suggestions is to... "grease the cherry tree" Thats an old saying but it means to prime your partners needs to avoid conflict. A revamp of effort every few weeks will keep the mechanisms of your unit in good shape...kind of reward for those extra bits of effort your partner has put in. And you will benefit to.
A candle lit dinner, words of appreciation, a surprise day out that could be a simple picnic. What about offering to be a caddy when he plays golf? Or cheering her when she plays basketball? Your presence is gold.
Too impossible? You'll need to wait until you are on the upside of a depressive cycle'just the time to spring into action!
The ideas can be endless. One friend of mine with anxiety plays a game of Monopoly every week. Its what her partner loves to do. It unites them. No phones, no TV, no distractions. After the game he tells her of his appreciation for her patience and also asks her what plans she has for the coming weekend.
The proviso with plans is always that you'll be well enough to participate. But you can live your lives with a mental illness together in relative harmony rolling with the waves of disruption far better with empathy from both sides. The "well" partner sacrifices an enormous amount of extra effort to get out of the relationship their own needs
Try to supply them what you can to make their life enjoyable. Its part of "loving"
Tony WK
