They aren't all good days, but today was a good day..........

[CrashCoyote]

Dear friends on this site,

Many of you know that I would have trouble finding a way to complicate my life further. My eldest son is struggling with dope and alcohol addiction, my youngest daughter has barely been in my life for the last four years, the only woman I have ever truly loved (I didn't even know what true loved looked like until we started seeing each other seven years ago) dumped me six months ago after struggling with her own anxiety demons all this time, I retired early from my lifetime career and passion as a police officer due to numerous injuries (physical and PTSD) and every day I think about my eight week old daughter, lost to sudden infant death syndrome sixteen years ago. Oh, yeah, and I drink too much and too often.

And it was a good day, why? 

I took my son adult son out for dinner and we talked about his addictions and how our strategies to combat them are going. It is hard for both of us, him to live through it and me to watch as he tries to decide the things that will dictate how much of hell he has to see in his future. Afterwards we watched a movie together and arranged to see each other next weekend. My belief is that I did a little bit more today to support him.

Yesterday my estranged fourteen year old daughter texted me and asked if we could meet up for a while and today we spent an hour and a half together. A bit awkward for both of us, we know so little about each other now, but soon fell into talking of common interests over hot chocolate. My relationship with her is better than it was yesterday.

I had a lovely lunch yesterday with a lady I met on a dating site and she said she'd like to see me again. A few others are chatting to me by email and that is all going well. I didn't spend all day pining for my ex. Today my prospects for a relationship look better than yesterday.

I had a late night last night and today remembered that I don't miss shift work or risking my neck every day for work. I have more time to see loved ones now that I'm retired. Today not being a policeman looks better than it did yesterday.

I spent some time remembering the happy times I had with my daughter in the eight weeks she was alive rather than focusing on losing her. Today I smiled when I thought of her when yesterday I would have cried.

Oh, yeah, and today I didn't drink alcohol.

"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me." Carol Burnett.

Thank you for reading this. Tell me if you had a good day.

Kind regards, John. 

[geoff]

dear John, I also thought you may have mentioned that you ate some healthy food as well, lol, but that's a day which you will never forget, it's a pity we can't seal these days up in a bottle and keep it on the shelf, so when we do happen to have an off day just open up the bottle and sniff the good days.

John I can't imagine how working as a policeman, and from reading on other posts what you would have had to endanger your life, protect other people and cope with the riff raff from the public, and then become depressed and I'm sure that this would have started while you were working, and then to cope with the many issues like you have said in your above comment, so it's been a hell of a journey for you, but at last you had a good day and that's great not only for you but also the others involved.

I do wish that there are many more of these days for you, because you deserve it. Geoff.

[Jo3]

Hi John

Reading what you wrote made me smile.  You have some really positive things happening in your life at the moment, and I am happy for you.

I had a good day yesterday.

Hubby and I took Jersey down the beach for a walk, then coffee at the beach.

Came home and did the vac, mop, hanged clothes outside, dusted the house and folded the clothes.

Hubby was washing the cars, so I decided to go outside and pull out the weeds in the garden.  

Lunch, then watched a movie while knitting a blanket and then I fell asleep (nanna nap!!)

Organised tea (cooked paella) and my daughter helped me.

So I think I had a really good day, it was nice weather which always helps the mood. But I achieved a lot and I am proud that I did do so much because I then felt that the house was nice and clean (at least for a day).

Today is another nice morning, think I will get the boys up and go for a walk with them and take Jersey as well.  Maybe a coffee down the street and then home to do some ironing (which I hate).  Then hubby will be home from work at 3pm so maybe another walk and coffee down the beach!!!

John, you know I've been thinking - I am just taking day by day now, not worrying about what will happen tomorrow or the future or the past.  Today is another day and I will do as much as I can to enjoy it.

Hope you have another nice day too

Take care John

Jo

[white knight]

Hi John,

A nice happy post. It was only two days ago I reflected on my dark years. Leaving my life- my wife, my two angels 7 and 4yo, my full time fatherhood, my neighbours, my town, my dog and my in laws. All gone. Or so it seemed at the time.

I'd been married 11 years to a woman who drain all from me, my will to live was the last straw. Society often centres on abuse by men to women, physical abuse but some men suffer mental abuse by their spouses and this is not addressed at all. Being in any relationship has basic obligations and if a wife is mentally abusing her husband then she has failed too.

But 2 days ago I realsied that most of that marriage that ended in 1996 was full of tears. Then post the marriage I still cried daily and for long periods. My children craved for me to return. In desperation I spoke to a stranger in the caravan park I lived in. He told me "never go backwards- always forwards". It was the one comment I took hold, of. And it paid off in the long term. This was pre-diagnosis.

Now 18 years later I am happy, the tears stopped long ago, my eldest child at 25 is a teacher, my youngest has just finished a TAFE course. The youngest came back into my life only 3 weeks ago. Baby steps there but wow. Amazing feeling isnt it mate!

Not long ago I wrote a piece in the section on suicide on this forum. About how to avert it by thinking of others. It could be ones last thought before the act but thoughts of other people and what they are enduring and would further endure if that act was carried out....could be the one thing that could save a soul and save so much grief.

Your posts are inspiring and you are a success. You have paid your dues to society and now your days of happiness are starting to arrive. Soon, in fact right now, you dont need that alcoholic drink. Celebrate with a coffee and make it strong!. Celebrate with every lunch with your son and his progress. You'll find many ways to improve your daily life for those days in the future that are filled with happiness.

It's an awesome task of endurance. Years of baby steps. Mindset change from negative to positive is so hard. But the rewards as a man and a father are unimaginable. And if you top that off with a caring partner ....you've climbed the mountain.  Hope our hands can grab yours to lift you to the peak.

You can see us waving...

[Neil_1]

Tommy Smith trained top notch 2yo in the early 70's;  otherwise known as:

"Dear John"  🙂   sorry, can't help myself sometimes.

That is a powerful and great post.

And you've chalked up a DOG as well ... I've chalked up 8 DOG's so far this month and it's amazing - try as I might through April and May, I couldn't but now, I dunno.  Don't think about it too much.   Do you think you've got more planned?

Oh and for those reading who aren't up to speed - a DOG is "Day Off Grog".  🙂

You'v actually had an amazing couple of days - or did it all happen on the one day John?    Dinner with your son, then meeting up with your daughter for hot chocolate?   And then lunch with a lady friend.

Man, that is all so great to hear.

Like Geoff, I couldn't begin to fathom or imagine of all the experiences that you've lived through during your time as a policeman, but like I mentioned to someone in another post just a short while ago - whatever you do in life, it is a chapter (or several chapters) to your own life story.   Experiences you've encountered - some memorable and others, perhaps not as much. 

But as much as I would love to be retired (or hell, just not working), I can imagine for you what it would be like now.  Not having to be going to work to the kind of unknown in your case - because you'd never really know what circumstance would be thrown your way on any particular shift.

I really enjoyed your post John.

ps:  it's good to have you back as well - I'm pretty sure you were away over the last few days during last week?   Not that I'm any detective or anything - I'm just nosey.  🙂

Neil

[CrashCoyote]

Hello friends,

Thank you all so much for your replies. Geoff, if we could bottle the good days we would make a fortune selling them. And Jo, you are absolutely right about a day at a time. I have heard it said that we cannot change the past nor do anything about the future until it becomes the present. So doing it one day at a time makes a lot of sense.

White Knight, you too seem to have endured your fair share, like everyone else on here. But what great news about your baby. I can only imagine how much you are soaking that up right now. If you can see me on that peak, you will see I am holding my hand out for any of you that need a lift. So take it.

I went to AA once or twice. It wasn't my thing but the philosophy of a higher power did resonate with me. The people whose lives I share on here are my higher power. Like my time in hospital for PTSD and alcoholism, the anonymity is very comforting. I feel safe on here and none of my real world friends know even ten per cent of what I'd share here. When I'm struggling, I can use you all as examples to look up to.

Neil, it was a big weekend and I'm currently inundated with female contact. Of course, we all know that can change in the wink of an eye, but I'm taking Jo's advice and one day at a time is fine. I'm working on more DOG. I had a couple at lunch today with a few mates I caught up with, but had to drive so only a couple. None tonight. Maybe none at all tomorrow. I'll get back to you.

Unfortunately mate, I can't have you on my team of investigator's. I haven't been away anywhere, just busy preparing for the trip o/s and moving house and, of course, chatting up some ladies.

So much of what we do is influenced by our attitude and I know it is hard to be positive for too long, but I am trying to be and am hoping this post will be a happy refuge to come to when we don't need to use the others.

Kind regards everyone.

John.

[geoff]

dear John, I too am in the process of packing to a new resident, well not new, so it means cleaning out some more junk, it's a pain, wrapping up, folding and I can think of better things to do.

Jo you should take your hat off, because it's also been a good time for you and you deserve it.

WK, I like the point you make and it's so true ' if a wife is mentally abusing her husband then she has failed too'

Neil 8 days of being on DOG, that's a great effort. Geoff..