Teenage silence

[Richard]

Looking for advice for supporting my 16yo son who has been giving the silent treatment for 3 days now. He is isolating from school, friends and sport and not talking at all, opting to just stay in his room. I feel like we’ve tried all avenues but he’s giving nothing. At what point do we reach out for help and how do we do that?

For context he has experienced anxiety and bullying in the past, possibly still ongoing off and on and we have been seeking assistance from a psychologist.

[Croix]

Dear new member~

I'm glad you came here, yours is a difficult problem and can be very worrying to see a teen isolate Themselves in that way. It can also be very frustrating to feel powerless and that there is no guide to follow.

I am no expert as a parent - far from it - so my experience might well not be ideal.  For a very helpful service I'd suggest contacting the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) who do talk to parents, are knowledgeable and helpful

After being bullied and other unhappy episodes at school my offspring retreated to their room, was only monosyllabic when persuaded to come out for meals and otherwise was simply in their room where whenever we we able to gimps in was just sitting on their bed watching TV.

We were very apprehensive after a week that this could become a permanent thing. To retreat to a safe haven after an unpleasant episode is natural. It gives one time to assimilate and plan how to cope. For a young person who does not have adult coping skills the temptation to remain in that secure environment might become too attractive.

I went to the school and explained the consequences to the staff and principal if after a formal warning the bullying continued. I did not have much hope they would actually do anything but wanted our offspring to know their parents took the matter seriously.

We did eventually take the offspring to see a psychiatrist who has an interest in young people's problems and matters improved. Getting there was tricky as the young person may see their bedroom as their personal space and anyone gong in an invasion of privacy. As far as I know they can also want to feel independent and be reluctant to discuss matters with adults/parents.

However we managed, my wife took the stern approach and  and simply told them they were going, and I stood just behind her and grinned and wiggled my eyebrows. For some reason that combination must have struck a chord.

I'm sure every case and young person is different and don't know how much help my experience has been, however at least you know others tihnk as you and the problems is solvable.

If you would like to let us know how you get on that would be great.

Croix

[Richard]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It does help to know that others have experienced something similar and to hear how you have worked through it. 
After a week of solitude and isolation, my son has finally eased his way back into going to school and talking to family members. I’m so relieved but at the same time wary that it may happen again. I’ll try to find an appropriate time to try to understand what happened, but right now I’m just happy that he seems happy. 
It’s hard to describe the feeling of helplessness the last couple of weeks and I want to thank you and this forum for providing an outlet of support 

[Croix]

Dear Richard~

It's good to hear from you and I'm very glad your son has ventured out of his 'safe space' back to school and communication.

My offspring did this more than once, but normally for a day or so. I guess it takes time for a teen to process difficult situations. I ended up laying a c= groundwork of common interest -dungeons and dragons, and that helped (both of us I guess) get together as one could play it without talkng about personal things -at least at the start of each game, plus I played it for laughs.

You know you are welcome here anytime

Croix