Supporting my daughter , who has been diagnosed with Bipolar

[Massie]

Hi everyone, 11 days ago , I had to call an ambulance for my daughter , who has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, she had stopped taking her medication , which she told me that morning, I watched her moods deteriating, over the last few wees and could see she was experiencing mania, I removed her carkeys from her as I did not want her to drive anywhere and now she is very angry with me , she does not have any insight into her illness and itvis very difficult, I live in fear , she was admitted to Hospital and does not want to see me although will call and text, I have been to visit her , however she takes the things she asks for and tells me to leave, this is the second time , she has been in Hospital in the last two months , , the first time she was at a bar and the manager was concerned about her wellbeing and called an ambulance, she stayed in forv10 dsys and was put on medication and said she would do all the things her treating team recommended, however as soon as the community nteam stop seeing her she stops the medication, as her family we dearly love her and will do anything to support her , she is 34 years and lost her husband to a brain tumorv4years ago , and now lives with me , her diagnosis was about 13 years ago , she is a very intelligent and beautiful person , I wantvher to be well and living her life , just not , calling the ambulance broke my heart

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Massie,

I feel your sadness, fears and heartbreak for your beautiful, intelligent daughter. She sounds like a shining light in your life.

It’s obvious that, as you said, you love her dearly and just want to protect her and make sure she’s okay. How fortunate & blessed she is to have your love & support.

I think you did what you had to do, including make that call. I understand you were trying to help her, but I also understand it wasn’t easy to do...I really feel for you...

I can only imagine your heartache at witnessing how her mood has been, and perhaps feeling powerless & frightened about how she has a tendency to stop taking her meds as soon as there isn’t a health team monitoring her closely.

I would also think it might hurt that she’s not exactly welcoming of your at the hospital. But I think that might be partly because she’s not very well &, as you said, lacks insight into her own mental health. I wonder if maybe she resents being in hospital for that reason (i.e. lacks insight into her own mental health struggles so doesn’t completely “get” why she’s there), hence some of her behaviour. I feel all this must be hard for you...

I’m very sorry for the loss of your son-in-law as well. I don’t know what your daughter’s relationship was like with him. But I wonder if she is still heartbroken and hurting because of that (i.e. in addition to her struggles with bipolar)...just some of my thoughts.

I’m thinking of you, your daughter & family. I know this has been a particularly difficult time for all of you. It would be lovely to hear how you’re doing when & if you next feel like writing in again. There’s no pressure or rush to write again...as I said, only when & if you feel like sharing.

Kindness & care,

Pepper

[quirkywords]

Massie

I an understand how frustrating and heart breaking to see your lovely daughter out of control and been taken by ma unlace to hospital.

You have so much care and love for your daughter but are worried about her future especially when wh does not seem to want to take her medication.

I have been living with a diagnosis of bipolar for many decades and for many years I was in denial and refused any medication believing everyone else had a problem.

I feel terrible about they way I treated my parents but I was angry and felt on one understood me and wanted to stop me being happy.

Also many people feel well after taking medication so they stop not realising that it is the medication that makes them feel well.

Has your daughter ‘s behaviour worsened after her husband’s death and was it stable before hand . Has she ever taken medication regularly?

I wonder is there a time when she is not manic and not depressed thta you can sit and talk to her.

It I saw very difficult for you and do you have any support .

You are helping her but you also need to look after yourself.

Feel free to ask any questions or post here as much as you like.

Quirky

[Swan_13]

Hi Massie

I can imagine how hard that must have been having to call an ambulance when it would have been something that went against her wishes. The last thing we want to do is upset our loved ones that are suffering, but as a carer, you deserve the support of other professionals to get you through this.

I hope you don't mind me adding something to the previous posts... I just wanted to briefly contribute that I love that you have labelled her as a very intelligent and beautiful person. It really stood out to me. You have clearly been able to separate the person she is from her diagnosis which I think is such a valuable thing. The anger she has expressed towards you is likely coming from the part of her being controlled by the Bipolar. I'm sure she still has a lot of love for you. She is very lucky to have such a kind and supportive mum - you're sticking by her no matter what.

I hope you do something nice for yourself over the next few days, it sounds like you've given a lot, emotionally and mentally, towards her recovery... you deserve to focus on yourself as well.

[Massie]

Thankyou so much Pepper for your kind words , your post has helped a lot , my daughter and her husband had a great relationship and whilst they were together she was well, He was aware of her illness and supported her , she would even call me and say "Mum I think I am getting sick again, I would chat to her husband and my daughter and she would come over for some time away to stay at my place . To my knowledge , she has never taken mood stabilizers for any period of time, she went through a depressive episode last year and was taking antidepressants for this and came out of it quite well , however I am led to believe that antidepressants are not the right medication for people who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Warmest Regards

[Massie]

Thankyou so much Swan for your kind words , and thankyou for reminding me that the anger my daughter displays towards me is a part of her illness.Yes it is difficult, sometimes the right vthing to do is often the hardest . Hopefully one day she will see that I have always had her best interests at heart. I am hoping that she will start managing her illness , I know noone wants to be different from their peers , , however I have told her , that she is wonderful the way she is and Mental illness is like any other illness , the brain is just another organ,and to be kind to herself , she has had grief and loss counselling and I understand that this is a life long journey hopefully whilst she is in Hospital , she will become nmore accepting of the treatment

Warmest Regards

Massie

[skybluecoast]

Hi Massie

Thanks for your story. About ten years ago one of the most painful things was to watch the police take my sister away to a mental health ward ( Bipoloar episode).

Now she started working 5 days a week this week. ( first full time job after 10 years ). She still has her bad days but the medication seems critical to her. At the start she would also lapse and stop taking it. It didn't end well and over the years she has learned to take responsibility for it. Credit to my parents who have been saintly and so patient with her. Since my mother passed away she has started to get worse in some way. Losing someone, as your daughter did, really must compound the stress. I guess the other thing is, when people are grieving they often need time alone, so her actions could be viewed like that.

The not returning of texts and calls is hard for you. You need your support too. When my sister wasn't well ( depths of bipolar ) she would often lash out verbally or in other ways. This is a habit of people who are in a lot of pain, to lash out at loved ones. I guess it is like having a bad stomach ache and being uber grumpy, except it's with the mind. But I will say sometimes " It's the illness talking" and sometimes it is not. We can't disregard the effect of anger and aggression on you, the carer. There are times when my sister for example is lucid enough to know better, not when she is having a psychosis, but later on. Over the years, I watched as my father often ignored my sister's hurtful actions and so she got into the habit of being spiteful.

Now that some years have passed since her episode, it is possible to engage in conflict resolution with my sister. She can be made aware that she is being hurtful and she will stop. The passive aggression or other anger is not something that will always be like that ( her ignoring your texts and calls, or being aggressive in other ways ). With medication and time, you will be listened to and can reason with her. It's really part of the health professional's role to convince her of the importance of taking medication.

But yeah you are suffering a lot at the moment. You did the right thing looking for a forum or someone to talk to about it. It really helps.

Warm regards

Sky

[cgsha1]

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. My partner has bipolar I and it is very challenging for us. Honestly, the only thing that seems to stabilise him is his medication and I can't imagine him going off it. I don't know whether it is an option for your daughter, but my partner was considered to need to be on what's called a 'treatment order' under the Mental Health Act. This basically means he has no choice but to accept regular treatment. He wouldn't comply with oral medication because he gained weight from it and because of this he spent just over 200 days in hospital over a 2 year period. Under the treatment order, he has to receive a depot medication (long lasting anti-psychotic) every two weeks and it hasn't caused weight gain. If he doesn't go to appointments they can vary the order and he is then sent for treatment in hospital. If your daughter's wellbeing is being seriously compromised by her not taking her medication, then this option is out there. The public hospital system organises a small Tribunal hearing to assess whether the patient needs to be on an order (and they decide the length). Also, they aren't super forceful to the point they won't listen to the person's wishes regarding medication (my partner has had quite a few med changes due to side effects). My partner is still recovering but the order has at least kept him out of hospital and safe. Best wishes and I really hope things improve.

[Massie]

Thankyou Sky

You have really given me hope, my daughter was discharged a few weeks ago and seems more committed to taking her medication, which is a good sign, she is attending her appointments and although the mania has passed is now feeling down again, I know this is all part of her illness, however very draining , I just have to remind myself we have been here before and hopefully with support we can come through .

[Massie]

Thankyou so much for taking the time to offer me this information, yes supporting someone who has a mental illness is difficult , the option ogf a depot was discussed with my daughter and I however I thought that she should be given the opportunity to manage her illness one more time as I know it is difficult to process for her however if she is unable to manage again she is aware of the steps that may have to occur to keep her safe and enable her to live a life without so much disruption .