Supporting my adult child

[Glee57]

First timer. I have a 40 y/o daughter who was diagnosed with pnd after the birth of her second child and it has been a battle since. Her marriage broke up and then she became involved with a man who has his own issues and used excessive alcohol to deal with things. My daughter now is doing the same. Following an AVO a few months ago my daughter assured me that things are now under control. However reports from other family members indicate that she is lying. My concern is not just for her but also for my grandchildren. My daughter has a history of presenting as if everything is good until she falls in a heap. An incident a few months ago ended at hospital where she admitted that she had been using alcohol to deal with things and agreed to go back to her doctor to link back in with mental health services. She tells me that she is still seeing her therapist regularly but I’m not sure if this is true. She is alienating her family unless they are willing to accept this relationship. I’m not sure whether I should push things with her and risk being totally cut off or just sit and wait for another drama. Any advise?

[white knight]

Hi Glee, welcome

I see your dolemma. Unfortunately there us a strong possibility your daughter will shut the door to your relationship if you push her at all. Why would that be?

My then 26yo daughter wrote he car off. She told me once insurance paid she was going to buy a near new car. She told me the brand. I spent 5 hours on the Internet then sent her a list of cars she could consider. She rang me fuming. "Im quite capable buying a car thankyou dad". My intention was good but young adults dont want parents ....in their eyes, interfering.

Imo, our adult children need us as supporters and advisors - when asked only. The same with us as grandparents. We have had many write in and its clear that in their role as grandparents they overstep the line in so many ways. Its very hard for us to advise without them taking offence.

There is a gentle method to use to ovetcome this. Use examples. Eg "I know of a daughter of a friend that joined AA, because she recognised her drinking was excessive. I'm glad you are monitoring it darling".

Thats about as far as I'd go but I'm interested in others ideas.

Tony WK